(Closed) Have you ever been the “other woman”?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Guilty.

Post # 18
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve never been “the other woman” and have been cheated on by more than one significant other. I will say though that I had a very close friend who started seeing a guy that was in a serious relationship. THe gf found out and there was a good 3 month period where he was “choosing” between the two girls (basically being with both of them and they were all constantly arguing). He ended up choosing my friend, but they broke up a few years later. He didn’t cheat on her that I know of, but I can vouch that my friend says that those three months and the few before were the worst of her life. I don’t think its worth it.

Post # 19
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I haven’t (thank God!), but a close friend of mine was. Except… she didn’t know it until 2 years into the relationship. The guy was a really good con, what can I say. He had been dating another woman for SIX YEARS and both women were clueless. She broke it off immediately and told the other girlfriend what was going on. What a total creepster….

Post # 20
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I was once, but I had no idea I was the other woman until I’d ended the relationship for something unrelated. He added me to Facebook, and I discovered he’d started dating me a week after he got married… I still feel bad, and I don’t speak to him anymore.

Post # 21
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Unfortunately, I was knowingly the other woman. But I was only 18. We worked together and flirted endlessly whenever we saw each other. I knew he had a Girlfriend but hey, he was flirting back. He lived near the college I was going to so during my break (I had like a 3 hour break between classes) I would go hang out at his apartment if he was home. Then one day his Girlfriend stopped by, saw me there and stormed off. And that was the end of it, sort of. We stopped hanging out but still flirted at work. It should be noted that 8 years later they are still together and have a son. So I guess I didn’t do too much damage to their relationship…

Post # 22
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

When I was 15, I kissed by best friend’s boyfriend when I thought they were broken up (my first kiss too, which was kind of ruined after finding out).  Apparently not, funny enough she’s still a very good friend and he’s not.  Since then, I’d never be “the other woman” not that I wanted to be in the first place. 

EDIT: Clearly not in the same category, just a lesson as a teen. 

Post # 23
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Many years ago, during my younger (and dumber) days. I’d never do it again.

Post # 24
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I was- not to steal someone else’s man, but to have fun without commitment. As someone who has been cheated on- I know what I did was bad juju all around. Fun while it lasted but not worth the possible consequences. 

Post # 25
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I was sorta (not really) the other woman. My husband was friends with this girl we went to college with. I guess she really liked him (he had no idea and wasn’t interested)- before he met me they hung out a lot- nothing romantic. She felt like I was the other woman, it was more of a “he’s just not into you like that..” thing. Closest I will ever get to other woman status. I believe in karma.

Post # 26
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I was just telling Fiance this last night! When I was 14 or 15, some friends of my parents came over & brought their son who was a year older than me.  First time I had met him, and he got my # and AOL screen name (back when everyone had AOL, or at least AIM!).  He had a g/f, but he became obsessed with me.  Called minimum 6 times a day & would call back 10 mins after I said I was leaving to go to practice or dance class just to make sure I was actually gone.  He asked me one day online if I wanted to be “secret online boyfriend and girlfriend.”  What a loser.  Thankfully I was smart enough even at 14 to realize what a creepster he was.  

Also had a coworker my junior & senior year of high school who was in his mid 20s, married, and had a baby the beginning of my senior year (04).  He & his wife have a pretty rocky relationship & I think he just married her because they had a good friendship and she put up with all his bullshit, not because he actually loved her.  He was ALWAYS flirting with me at work & had little nicknames for me.. I did like him & enjoyed the attention (I was young & stupid, still in high school), but I never initiated anything, just kind of took the flirting without really doing anything back, but never asked him to stop the flirting, either… I figured it was harmless, we never hung out outside of work or anything so I didn’t think it was anything to be concerned about (again, young & naive!)

But it came to the point where he wanted to cheat on his wife with me.. not even necessarily sleep with me, but wanted to hook up in some way.  When it had reached that point & gone past just his flirtiness, that was it for me.  I was not about to be a homewrecker, especially at 18 (not that its okay at any age!), so I made the effort to talk to him as little as possible at work after that.  Luckily he ended up finding another job & transferred elsewhere a couple months after that, which made it easier to kill contact with him.  I would never knowingly be “the other woman” though & know better now than to think a married man’s constant flirtations are just harmless! (as in, not just an outgoing bubbly personality that can be mistaken for flirting.. flirting that cannot be mistaken for anything else is what I’m talking about!)

Post # 27
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have NEVER been the other woman and never will be. I have a pretty solid sense of morality/values and i never cared what the circumstances a married man was in (almost all of them give sob stories and tell women that their wives are horrible B*tch in other to get into another woman’s skirt) that would make me act otherwise.

I have seen enough marriages and relationships destroyed by “the other woman” that i could never see myself causing that level of pain to anyone, especially a family where kids are involved.

Sorry but i see mistresses as selfish, heartless ego-tistical women who feel that the world needs to revolve around them and their needs. To ease their ocassional guilt, they tend to go along with the man portraying his wife as some horrible monster that is sucking the life out of her husband. When common sense will tell you that if this was the case, hubby would have been looooong gone- either separated (if he couldn’t afford a divorce) or divorced.

What mistresses often don’t realize is that the wife is often clueless as to any problems in the relationship and she may even think everything in her relationship is great and then one day gets sideswiped by the knowledge that her husband is having an affair. First there’s complete Shock and Confusion becaue while she’s is at home busting her butt taking care of her husband and family–he’s at a bar giving another woman a lying sob story about how horrible his wife or his life is just so he can get “some” from someone else.

What mistresses also don’t realize that what goes around comes around. Call it Karma, payback etc. if he cheated on his wife he will most certainly cheat on the mistress if she becomes his wife.

Marriages that start with cheating, lying and deceiving NEVER end well. EVER. So a mistress may believe that she “finally got her man” but i can almost guarantee that it wont end well.

I’ve even had “former” male friends that cheated on wives and then broke up with the mistress soon after divorce or a few years into marriage with mistress due to lack of respect and TRUST issues. If the mistress is willling to go along so readily with the cheating what would make him think that she wont cheat on him?

Sadly i’ve seen enough marriages that could have been saved if the mistress wasn’t in the picture and enough men come to regret “fooling around” and thus destroying their marriages.

So for those of you who were the “other woman”and are now married to your “conquests” all i can say is–  My condolences on your upcoming divorce.

Post # 28
Member
4652 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was the other women once But i didnt know he was with anyone else and ended it as soon as I found out. I have been cheated on and would never put someone threw that on purpose. 

Post # 29
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
@Neutrina: Wow… all I can say it wow… I understand where you are coming from. but wishing divorce on women whose relationships started with an SO who was not single is ridiculous, rude and uncalled for.

Post # 30
Member
4597 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I was “the other woman” for 1 date.  He was honest that he was technically in a relationship, but he said he had no feelings for her and becasue they saw little of each other he hadn’t had the opportunity to end it face to face (and he didn’t want to be a dick); they’d only been together a couple of months. I refused to see him again, because I didn’t want to be the other woman.  He left her the next day.

Post # 31
Member
4597 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
@Neutrina: You are perfectly entitled to your opinion, but I think you’ll agree that the phrase “My condolences on your upcoming divorce.” is too far.

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