Wow never realized so many ladies here are so complacent, forgiving and approving of women that engage in mistress behavior.
Then again-I realize that for many women here it is your first marriage and you’re most likely in your 20’s-30s without children and so the cinderella fantasy is in full force.I GET THAT.
BUT unless you’ve been around the block in terms of years of experience within a marriage and had this happen to you, you cannot possibly understand the misery this behavior has caused so many families.
I am now 46, older, wiser and way past “bitterness” or “anger” of what happened in my first marriage. I’ve HAPPILY moved on with my life and in retrospect it turned out to be the best. Likewise some girlfriends have been lucky enough to move on after same has happened to them, and some have not been so lucky.
Just like some women in our society have ended up committing suicide, being the victims of homocide ended up in shelters or at the very least landed in a Psych chair receiving years of therapy over the destruction of their world all thanks to a husband that couldn’t keep it zipped and a woman that couldnt keep her legs closed. I’ve seen enough of this side of the spectrum as a former Medic of 15 years.
You never forget the splatterd body of a mother who’se husband pushed her off the 20th floor cause he just had to be with his “mistress”.
Or the child standing over his mom after she committed suicide upong discovering that not only was her husband having a long term affair but she was also about to lose her kids to soon to be ex hubby and his mistress who are now engaged.
You never forget the mistress that attempted to kill her lover’s child because said child “was standing in the way” of her objective to get her lover to ask his wife for a divorce.
Or the mistress that shot the wife of her lover.
Or the wife that was in such a deep psychosis at the thought of losing her family that she commits vehicular homicide–running over her husband and his mistress.
But i digress.–
Therefore– just because (and from personal experience)– i am “past it” does not mean i am going to complacently sit here and approvingly pat some woman on the back wishing her a wonderful marriage knowing full well that she destroyed another family to get her way. I am not going to “sugar coat” that behavior in any way.
Oh and by the way– being cheated on when one is single without children, living separately with seperate finances– is amateur hour compared to being cheated on when kids are involved, having your accounts cleaned out, losing your home and your family being torn apart.
For the record–the comment “my condolences on your divorce” is less of a “wish” than it is a reality check. In other words–I don’t have to “wish” something like that since the stage is already set for one. Statistically speaking– marriages that begin with deceit, manipulation, lying, affairs etc having a much higher probability of failing due to infidelity and TRUST issues down the road. So therefore– it’s not a wish so much as the reality of things.
Ladies there’s something you have to understand. Many women that are older, wiser and have “been there” are not going to sugar coat things for you. We are blunt and will tell it like it is. Marriage is tough- it takes work –it takes honesty, trust, communication, loyalty…and being complacent or unrealistic about this fact does not do anyone any favors.
So yes i can sit here and give a bunch of <<<HUGS>> and tell a mistress that “everything will be OK.” that it’s “in the past” and that her past behavior with this man will have ZERO impact on her marriage. But then again, i would be giving a less than honest response.