My wedding just passed this Saturday. It was a LOVELY fairytale wedding that took place in a nature arboretum. But, my husband and I are so upset with my father’s toast/speech. We gave it to him, since he paid for the food which was very generous. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to sit through…so embarassing was his speech. Basically, my father never mentioned a warm welcome to my husband’s family. Butchered their last name, and my new last name. Made it all about HIM and his planning the wedding with my step mother (who is an evil stepmother yelling at me all through the process about how much things cost when they forced us out of a smaller venue), thanked his doctors for a new liver that he invited, to sit with him, then went on to talk about how he met my real mother (who died when I was 14) and how they eloped after meeting each other fast, then she shot “snakes with a revolver” at a buddy’s house where they eloped while vacationing, then he proceeded to tell everyone that that is just the “type of person I am”. He called me “self determined” which is a nice way of saying stubborn. Then he mumbled about how my husband was a “capable man who could provide”, and never once mentioned his family or my family coming together. It made it worse because my husband’s family is Middle Eastern, and we are English/Irish/Scottish…and so it was a chance for him to make them feel included, and he never did.
I think my father was upset, because the wedding wasn’t ALL about him. Even though he was paying for the food, and a nicer porto potty, he truly was not included in the design details of the wedding, like the music or the decorations because my husband and I had a certain vision and WE were paying for all of that part of the wedding. I believe he was upset at me for this and used this speech to get out his feelings about his “stubborn daughter”. He talked for 20 minutes, and he mentioned stories that my husband never did and my exes did instead. I think he mentioned that my husband was a “stalker”, which NEVER happened and he spoke inappropriately how we moved in together cause I was EVICTED from my old apartment. Which NEVER happened, I just decided to move on from the home I was living in and move in with my husband who was my boyfriend. Then on top of that…he started to talk about how my husband and I were going to ELOPE.
I grabbed the microphone after diggin my nails in my husband’s thighs and almost crying out of embarassment. I took the microphone after I said “no, no, we weren’t going to just elope,..we were going to come back and have a big part afterwards, but we decided to have our friends and family with us cause they mean so much to us”.
Everyone clapped when I interrupted my father and took the mic, allowing the DJ to actually start a toast to everyone. I made it about the guests, and toasted a thanks to everyone. While my father made it about himself and never toasted anything.
I am fuming right now. I think I need to not talk to my dad for a bit. But I wanted to warn any other brides, that IF you have any unresolved issues or relationship issues with your father or mother, or any one in your wedding..DO NOT HAVE THEM SPEAK. They may use this time to “vent” and release everything about their own feelings all at once. Also please look out for narcisscistic personality disorder which MANY of these other posts I read above, speak volumes about. Do not let a senile, or narcisstic personality do the speeches, they will never speak about your own love and blessings and will ramble on about themselves and their past…or worst their opinions about the future.
It will take some time before I forgive my father for how he managled that one speech privillege we gave..and threw the night off due to his speech being 20 minutes long about how he met my mother before I was born. I was sad and missing her too, but he could have handled his emotions better and acutally made the speech about us as a new couple…but instead he focused on himself only and somehow also shot daggers at me.
Pick the person who you feel really knows you, loves you, and truly would never would embarass or try to hurt you during this important event in your life. I wish I would have not felt obligated to give the mic to my father, and instead give the ONE speech allowed to my husband’s sister, or his father or mother, or even my BEST friend.
Choose wisely…and make sure there are no deep relationship issues with the person who gives the speech. Make sure they are emotionally stable and understanding of boundary lines. Much luck and happiness to all the new brides!