(Closed) Have you ever been with the perfect man, but there was no passion?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

If there’s no passion then he’s not the perfect man for you. I briefly dated a guy who was great on paper and super fun to be with but there was just no spark, it felt so crappy to break it off because he was awesome and I wanted to like him but it just wasn’t right and not fair of me to be with someone who I’m not wild about. Then I met my fiance who was all of that and more, the spark was there and I truly feel like he is the perfect man for me. Don’t stay because it’s comfortable, you both deserve more.

Post # 3
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

As someone else who is 25 and has been in a relationship for 4 years, and am still very passionately in love with my husband, I think your gut is telling you something.

Every one and every relationship is different, some people just aren’t very excitable, and love isn’t always easy, but there should always be great moments, you know?

Like the other day while Darling Husband was out working a long day, I went to Target to do some Christmas shopping, and while I was there I decided to wait in line for a good 20 minutes to get him a personalized ornament. I gave it to him after he got home and he was so appreciative I just melted seeing him so happy from that little act of kindness I did. It’s such a little thing in the scheme of everything, but I think it’s always the little things, and how they add up.

Post # 4
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’ve been with Darling Husband for two and a half years so still new ish but we have equal measure passion and comfort. Like we can go days without kissing and fart in each others faces like it’s nbd but we still fancy each other.

Post # 5
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yep, been there done that.  It’s a really difficult situation!!

Mine was with a (still) good friend of mine.  We get along amazingly well, always have a great time, love travelling together and have a lot of shared interests.  We both have our act together, wanted similar things in life but ultimately, we didn’t want those things together.  I had no excitement towards intimacy and a lot of apprehension about much future planning. 

I’m so glad we realized we were better off as friends.

Darling Husband and I have been together 3.5 years and I am still so in love with him.  I sometimes think about how crazy it is that I am so excited to see him, kiss him, be near him and do anything with him.  I had never felt this way about anyone before!  I am willing to compromise on things I would have never considered budging on before (we have different views on politics and religion!) because I love him and we are respectful about our differences.

I think your heart and head are telling you that it’s time to move on but I don’t envy you….. it can be very hard to break up with someone who hasn’t really done anything to make it easy.

Post # 6
Member
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

There has to be some comfort and some passion. If it’s all comfort but no passion it will not be worth it. You can live all your life comfortably but not happy if there is no passion at all.

Post # 7
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I dated a couple guys who were pretty awesome. One owned multiple houses! I really wanted to like them, but I just wasn’t attracted. I’ve been with Darling Husband for 2-1/2 years and am both attracted and comfortable. I love it!!! I think you just have to listen to your intuition.

Post # 8
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It’s ok to be 25 and not know what you want 🙂 Ive been where you are and was sooooooo happy when the other person mentioned taking a break because I knew in my heart that although me might have planned on working it out, I surely didnt and I moved out and never looked back.

I don’t know you or your relationship of course but as pps have said, your gut might be trying to tell you something, especially if you’re not happy to think about your future together. You’re never going to be 100% happy all the time so ask yourself – do you want to put forth the effort (going on dates, etc) to rekindle your relationship (do you want to work on it? Do you think he’s the one to put forth this effort?) or is the way it is going to be your reality for the rest of your life? I left my relationship and could have kicked myself so many times because I thought I’d never find someone else who would want to marry me but if it’s not meant to be, it won’t and it shouldn’t. 

Post # 9
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It’s never easy to end a relationship when there’s nothing really horrible going on. No doubt the easier thing is to stay put. But what will happen when you inevitably meet someone you feel passionate about. It will happen. Maybe not soon, but we are all tempted at some point. It will be hard to resist the chance to have passionate love for the boring comfort of your current relationship. Breaking up under those circumstances will be so much worse for all involved. 

Post # 10
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Relationships ebb and flow. Not always gonna be rainbows and butterflies. Is this a phase that naturally happens in relationships or is this the way it always is?

Post # 11
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I’m going through the exact same thing, the only difference is that we’ve been married for 4 years. It’s interesting reading the replies and seeing how many people say comfort isn’t enough, but when I asked, most of the replies said it wasn’t a reason to separate. 

I really believe the best thing you can do for yourself and in turn, your relationship, is to be happy. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without passion. Everyone deserves to find that. I’m 4 years into marriage and haven’t had passion in years and although my husband is a great guy and a great friend, I’m miserable. 

I believe that life is too short to spend it being unhappy. good luck! 

Post # 12
Member
7097 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s really easy for people to say “well I’m 25 and have been married to my Darling Husband for 4 years and we’re still madly in love….he’s not the right guy for you”. Come back and talk to us in 10 years. As someone who has been with their Darling Husband for 16 years, married for a little over 3, relationships are not always rainbows and glitter. Couples don’t stay madly in love on their own, they work for it. You have to be the romantic and loving person, doing things for each other. There are plenty of times where my Darling Husband feels more like a roommate, and sometimes the passion isn’t there. It’s called life, and two very busy people who let it get in the way.

Now, your 25. I’m not saying settle for this guy because if you really don’t feel like he’s the one you should not stay with him. Was the passion and romance there when you first got together? All I’m saying is, most realtionships feel new, exciting, romantic, etc when they first start…and maybe even for the first few years. Once you get comfortable and life sets in, that’s when things start to settle and get routine/boring.

Post # 13
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I have a friend who is in an on and off relationship like this. There is no passion or intimacy at all, but she keeps going back because it’s comfortable and easy. Then she gets fed up with the lack of passion, breaks up, gets lonely and the cycle starts all over again. In My Humble Opinion that’s no way to live. Life isn’t a Pinterest board or a RomCom, passion ebbs and flows, but it should be there in some form.

Post # 14
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Passion and intimacy ebb and flow in relationships (like pp said!) I was discouraged in my relationship with Fiance over the summer (when I was waiting for a proposal) when I felt like the fireworks had slowed down and we were just getting frustrated with each other all the time. I was super mad over something and told him I just did not feel “in love” the way I used to. I will never forget how he handled it–He was so gentle with me, explaining that passion, feeling in love, fireworks, etc. are not “constant,” they ebb and flow, and sometimes they are dormant for a time. But our commitment to each other runs deeper than our feelings. We love each other even when we don’t feel that rush of lust and/or passion for a while, because we go through so many things in life that seem to crowd out that feeling of romance. Sooner or later, we always get back to that original passion that had disappeared for a little while in the ups and downs of life.

Post # 15
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

It doesn’t necessarily mean the passion isn’t there; it could mean that you just haven’t been maintaining your relationship the way it needs to in order to last. Relationships take effort, time, and intent. You have to cultivate it, and let it grow. Otherwise, it’ll get stale and wither away.

I say the “best” partner is one who brings out the best in you, that you have fun with, and that you can look forward to the future with. Key word being “with”!

However, your partner can be a perfectly good person, but not just the right fit for you. If you can’t see yourself putting in the work necessary to get things going again, maybe you should just walk away.

Have you talked about this with him?

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