Post # 1
So, I was just thinking about how long the boy & I have been together. I normally tell people that we’re going on 5 years, but I just realized that it doesn’t take into account our past break up. We have quite the complicated relationship history, which I attribute to the fact that we were the “young and wild” types when we met. But our history is as follows:
- February 2009- Started casually dating, but both still seeing other people
- August 2009- Moved in together, became monogomous
- August 2010- Broke up
- November 2010- Became Friends again, I let him move back in, we were both dating other people
- March 2011- Became Lovers again, still while dating other people
- July 2011- I moved out of state to pursue a post-graduate degree
- October 2011- He professed his undying love for me
- November 2011- He flew out to my new state, found himself an apartment & and a job, and we started dating exclusively again
- February 2012- He told me he wanted to marry me, and he set a timeline for a proposal
- May 2012- He asked me to move in to his apartment & I did.
- Today- I’m still a waiting bee, but we’re madly in love. We just put our Christmas decorations up last night, and we are stronger as couple than we’ve ever been.
So, is it appropriate to tell people that we’ve been together almost 5 years, or am I not supposed to count the time that we were broken up? What do you ladies do?
Post # 3
I might get flamed for this, but if you were broken up and dating other people to me you can’t count that time as you were together. My SO and I “broke up” for like 3 days so I can’t say I have the same experience as you, but IMO you cant count the times when you were broken up and dating other people as part of your “dating time”
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@SincerelyShe: I think you have been dating just over 4 years. You can’t count the time you were broken up as time you have dated.
Post # 6
Tell them what you want, it’s frankly no one’s business.
Post # 7
@SincerelyShe: I had on again off again relationships before my FI and personally I never counted break up time. you are the only one who can choose what you feel is right about your relationship but in your shoes I personally would say “We were casual for a few years starting in 2009 but have been in a serious relationship since Oct 2011. Particularly bc it wasn’t just a fight & figure it out time but you were actually dating other people it would feel weird to me to say we’d been together the whole time.
Post # 8
My FI and I dated for a very brief time my freshman year in college (his sophomore year) – like 2 months tops before we broke up. He was still young and wild and didn’t want to be in a serious relationship, and I’m kind of a serial monogamous. We had a friends in common because my sorority sisters hung out with some of his fraternity brothers, so we would see each other every now and then, but not a whole lot. We were broken up for about a year and a half before we got back together.
When people ask how long we’ve been together, I start the clock at when we started dating the second time (so almost 8 years now). I don’t ever include the time we dated before we broke up and got back together – it wasn’t enough time to really count for much and we were apart for so long, we were different people when we got back together. I do mention that we dated briefly and separated and got back together if the conversation turns that way and people ask about our history.
Post # 9
Nope. I have a very firm stance on breaking up. You only break up if you want to stay broken up. There are no redos. There are no second chances.
Post # 10
I was just thinking about this the other day. My friend posted on FB that it was her 3 year anniversary with her boyfriend… I have no idea how she can count this as 3 years if all of last year they were in a very very bad break up. She FB blasted him daily, deleted all their pictures together on FB, physically fought, and she moved out.
I think if you break up, the clock should starts over, especially if it was for a significant amount of time. That, or say “on and off for __ years,” but that just highlights your breakup.
Post # 11
@SincerelyShe: My ex and I broke up, got back together, and then stayed together for a lot longer than we were together before the break up. We didn’t take the break up into account because we broke up right before winter break and were talking every day during that period anyway. Then as soon as we got back from break, we got back together. In our eyes, that didn’t count as a real break up. We agreed on that.
If you were broken up for a couple of months and dating other people, I (personally)would count it as a break up and not count that time period as part of your relationship. Having said that, you and your BF should tell people whatever you’re comfortable with. Agree on something and go with it–don’t overanalyze it!
Post # 12
No, never. Next month makes 7 years! Op, I would go with what
Post # 13
@prettyinpink11: I don’t know why you think you’d get flamed. Its seems like you just gave an honest opinion, in a polite way, which is what I was looking for. The only reason why I thought to count the time we were dating other people as part of our dating time, is because we moved back in together 3 months after we broke up, we were very friendly, and quickly became intimate again. Its just didn’t occur to me to not count that time, eventhough we were both dating other people as well.
@Pixienickie: I get your thought process here. Makes sense. I guess I just automatically counted the break-up period, because it only felt like a break-up for 3 months. The rest of the time I guess we treated it as more of an “open relationship”.
@TwoCityBride: You’re absolutely right. I was just curious to see what other people did, if they had similar histories. I think I’m going to just ask my SO what he tells people, so that we’re on the same page. I have no clue what he says to folks.
@MexiPino: I get what you’re saying. I think the issue lies in the fact that we went Casual, Serious, Casual (but co-habitating), and then Serious again. Probably too many details for general conversation anyway though.
Post # 14
@SincerelyShe: people get easily offended on the boards 🙂 thats all I meant by getting flamed. lol it sounds like its complicated for you to explain, so just talk to your SO and see what he tells people.
Post # 15
@SincerelyShe: I say when we met and when we started dating exclusively. I don’t count break up time or time seeing other people.
Post # 16
The first few years of our relationship were really rocky! At one point, it felt like we were breaking-up and getting back together every other month. I would agree that you shouldn’t include the times you weren’t together, but to my FI we were always “together” even when we were broken up, and he doesn’t want to exclude those “gaps” in our overall dating timeline. Even though I started dating other people at one point, my FI never looked at another woman b/c he always “knew” that I was the one for him and stayed “true” to me even though he had all the freedom to date other people. So whenever people ask us how long we’ve been together, I go along with him and tell them it’s almost 6 years (even though technically it might be more like 4.5 years).