Have you ever completely gotten over an ex WITHOUT dating someone new?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
6657 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes. There was no way I could have considered dating until I was over the last relationship. You need to take some time and deal with your shit. Understand what your role was, what you really want from life, and have your ducks in a row. 

When I ended my marriage I did so with the expectation that I would never remarry and completely comfortable with the notion of my own company and more time with friends for a long time. I believe you have to be happy with yourself before you can truly be happy with anyone else. 

Post # 17
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

I broke up wmy 1st ex due to being mistreated.  That was really hard to let go, but I was willing to suffer heartbreak to find happiness.  During the time of my healing, I wasn’t in the ood to date anyone at all.  Going on dates and flirting made miss my ex even more.  Took me about 1/2 a year to really get myself out there.  Plus I don’t wish anyone to be a rebound, that’s not fair to the other person and could end up hurting them really bad.

Post # 18
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

I would say yes. I may have dated casually in between, but I did not need a new relationship to get over people.

When I broke up with a boyfriend of 4 years, I moved abroad, casually dated for a year, then went to law school. I didn’t really date for the next three years. I think it took about six months before I stopped thinking about him daily, and around a year to feel like I was over him.

At another time I had a boyfriend for around six months. This breakup hit me very hard. I learned how to ski. I became an avid hiker. I started solo backpacking in the forest. This relationship probably took me around six months to feel like I was over.

Since that breakup I have dated casually, no one more than two-three months. I was single for around three years when I met my current boyfriend.

In the interim I have met a REALLY rad group of outdoor girls. Six of us had dinner on Wednesday, and the next day one sent around a group message saying how proud she was of us that our conversation had not even touched on men. We were all focused on work and personal goals and supporting each other. 

Post # 19
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I used to be just like that Bee, until my last break up.  I then decided to just do my own thing for a while and not worry about finding someone else.  I ended up being single for 4 years before meeting my SO. Best decision I ever made. At the time I met him I was completely over my ex, i was truly happy and i had gotten time to just enjoy things/life. The first year was very hard on me, the second wasn’t as bad, but the last 2 were great. I cut off contact 100%, redecorated my apartment after he moved out to make it feel more like my own and not see all the things that reminded me of the times with him, got rid of all the things I had saved from our relationship, bought all new bedding, spent a lot of time with my closest couple of friends and my family, visited my out of town family.  I’m so glad I made the choices I made.  It was actually hard for me to go back to being in a relationship when I finally did, but I didnt do it until I really felt ready to…  and i felt like I had done it the right way this time. Good luck Bee, I know its hard, but it can be done.

Post # 20
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

I got over my last relationship really quickly by getting closure before ultimately breaking up with him.

 

Besides that, I also made this year my year of yes.

 

I took up yoga, go out with my friends any time they ask, visit new restaurants and bars when they open, volunteer, foster a dog, dove further into my hobbies, and am now working on my visa so I can spend next year living in a new country.

Post # 21
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

Yes! I spent about 1.5 years being single after my last, particularly devastating and disruptive breakup. I’m really grateful that I did it. I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted for my future and for any new relationships, and I focused on my career and self-improvement. I’m a better person because of the time I spent loving myself and building myself up, after feeling very torn down.

Post # 22
Member
10668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

mwgbee486 :  

Bouncing into a new relationship is one of the worst ways to get over a breakup.  It’s just a bandaid and it falls off eventually.

Whatever happened in the prior relationship has to be examined, processed, and integrated into who you are.  That all takes time.  Otherwise going to bring that tangled mess into a new relationship. You don’t get to skip over that part.

Take the time to get yourself strong and healthy on your own. Healthy men with rich, fulfilling lives are drawn to independent women who are sure of their own power and worth.

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