(Closed) Have you ever cut a family member out of your life?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i have an aunt who moved in with my grandma and i… and she brought her boyfriend…. and she was emotionally abusive to me until it reached the point that i spend all day and night (when not at work) in my bedroom. I had a mini-fridge in there so that i didn’t have to come outside to eat.

she even tried to get me fired from work by calling up the corporate office and complaining about me like she was a very disgruntled customer. 

After my fiance and I moved out, she was permanently cut from my life along with my grandmother (for letting her do that to me). We are having security at our wedding just to make sure that they don’t try to attend.

Post # 32
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Yes, my aunt and two of her children (my cousins). It’s a long story, but basically none of them will apologize for what they did to me, and I don’t need people like that in my life.

Post # 33
Member
4081 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yep, my dad and step-mom. THey were horrible to me growing up and throughout early adulthood. Then my stepmom goes and makes racist comments about my hubby on the phone a few years ago when we were newly dating. Just horrible comments! She calls the next day and leaves an “apology” on my voicemail saying she is sorry, that she read these things in a magazine and didn’t realize I felt so strongly for the “young man”. What??? So, if we had been casually dating, it is ok to say racial comments?? My dad defended her saying she is the least racist woman he knows. (not true at all) They are not good people. They were NOT at our wedding last year. They’ve never even met my husband. And they will not have contact with our future children. My children will not be around people who are racists, family or not! And my main problem with them isn’t the fact that they have racist attitudes. They are just not nice people and hurt me a zillion times growing up! Don’t need that in my life!!

Sorry your mom has hurt you. I hope you are able to get through it, whatever you have to do.

Post # 35
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My biological grandfather disowned my dad, my dad’s brother, and his sister.  He has some minor mental health problems, but I still believe his behavior was inexcusable. This happened many, many years ago, long before I was born.  When the three siblings were kids, their parents divorced, and their dad fell out of the picture.  Maybe 7-10 years later, my grandmother met my adoptive grandfather. They got married and what was once three siblings became five–my grandfather had two boys of his own. My grandfather adopted my dad and my aunt and uncle, and my grandmother adopted what are now my two uncles.  I have never known those two men to be anything but my uncles, and their children are my cousins.  My grandfather is not my blood relative, but he is everything a grandfather should be.

My biological grandfather is not in my life.  I saw him a few times when I was very little. The last time I had anything to do with him was at my uncle’s (my dad’s biological brother) wedding.  He was invited to that, but after speaking with him for just a few minutes I know I will never want to see him again.  He is an arrogant man that does not deserve the title grandfather, and my entire family is completely happy without him in the picture.  Our family is a patchwork, yes, but it is still beautiful and I wouldn’t want it any other way 🙂

Post # 36
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Gingersnap: I just read your cat post.. I don’t know what to say. Its just awful. I would cut anyone out of my life who dumped one of my animals. People who are cruel like that generally are cruel to people as well and maybe you just didn’t notice it before or thought the behavior was normal? Either way I don’t think she’s a healthy person to have in your life. I hope you got the other cat away from her before something bad happens to that one too. I certainly wouldn’t trust her with children. My mom has her own mental health problems but she has never been cruel to an animal or broken my trust about a pet. But I get that its a hard decision to make. Its a really tough situation and I really feel for both you and your kitty.

Post # 37
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My Mother-In-Law (my real one, not my FIL’s gf, who I usually talk about as my Mother-In-Law on here).  She’s been an alcoholic hubs entire life, and not even having grandkids (my SIL’s kids) will make her stop. Its really sad actually, that alcohol and prescription drugs are that important to her.  We moved almost a year ago, and she has no idea. She thinks we still live with my Father-In-Law, which is good cuz then she won’t try to come over.  Hubs has talked to her twice in the last year, and I can’t say that I’m not happy that she’s no longer in our lives.  Its much harder on my SIL then us, but she has also cut her out, in hopes of jarring her to realize that she needs help. But, we don’t think it will ever happen…

Post # 38
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Oh, and my dad’s entire family, for reasons I don’t want to discuss here. Haven’t spoken to them in 21 years, and have never regretted it

Post # 39
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Gingersnap:

I cut my mother out of my life 3 years ago.  It was one of the hardest things that I had to do, but I had to do it.  She was very toxic in my life and as hard as it is to say…my life is so much better without her crazy and negativity in it.  It has been super hard planning my wedding without my mother but most of the people close to me have been super supportive.  You have to take care of you.  Some people can’t even imagine cutting their mother out or a close family member out of their lives.  My Fiance was one of them.  His mother is the best mother in the world.  I tell him everyday how lucky he is to have her and I accept that he can just not understand where I am coming from because he grew up with a wonderful mother…I did not and the choices I’ve made have been tough but necessary.  Good luck and I hope all works out for YOU. 

Post # 40
Member
697 posts
Busy bee

I don’t talk to my cousin.  We used to be pretty close when I was younger.

My mom likes to launch off on “oh, but he’s family, blah blah blah blah”.  She fails to realize that family treats you worse.  

But regardless, I’m always the bad person, at least on my mom’s side of the family. I’ve been asked that if I’m so bad and can’t win, why not just cut them all out and move on…

Ah well.  One spectacular bridge-burning at a time.

Post # 41
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yep – almost all of my dad’s family and all of my mom’s. I do have distant cousins in the US and overseas that I talk to. Both of my parents grew up in abusive homes and chose not to maintain contact with most of their family members.

My paternal grandmother disowned me over the phone at age 11 because I would not convert from Protestantism to Catholicism (NOTE: I have nothing against Catholicism or Catholics.). She literally told me “You are dead to me. Do you understand what this means? I will never speak to you again.” She never did. I can remember this like it was yesterday. She also had one of my uncles get on the phone afterwards and say the same thing to me. She also convinced almost the entire rest of my dad’s family to quit talking to us.

Fast forward to my late 20s and I’m at my paternal great-aunt’s funeral. We were quite close and she helped me learn about that side of the family that I would never have known if it weren’t for her. Paternal relatives (including grandmother dearest and uncles) attend. My dad and I head to our rental car at the graveyard after we’ve just buried my great-aunt.  We got something out of our car and when we turned around my 2 paternal uncles are in our faces screaming that we’re going to hell, that we don’t know who Christ is, that we are no-good, etc. I threatened to call the cops and they left.

My mom’s family? The nicer ones have all passed away by now. The rest then and now: drunks, physical abusers, drug addicts, manipulators. No thanks! If there are any decent cousins on her side – I wouldn’t know as we’ve been estranged for so long.

Over the years, we’ve kept our phone numbers unlisted and unpublished. We are careful with what personal info we give out even now to avoid harassment. In hindsight, my parents should have taken restraining orders out on some of my dad’s family.

I am also an only child and have never experienced a Christmas, holiday, or a birthday since I was 4 with any loving family members other than my parents. That hurts but I’d rather feel sane than hang out with a bunch of abusers.

Some people think of abuse as being only physical. It doesn’t have to be at all. Manipulative people are some of the worst. They don’t care about you. They care about themselves. They will trash your self-esteem if you let them.

I feel so much stronger not having any of these people in my life.  I am able to walk each day living the life I was meant to lead.

Post # 42
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Nobody in my immediate family talks to my dad’s mom (and no, she is NOT my grandmother).  She’s a compulsive liar and a very manipulative person.  She thinks that she can throw her money in everyone’s face and they’ll just do whatever she wants.  She can shove her money. 

For this reason, she’s never met my husband or my sister’s husband.  And she will never meet her future grandchild.  And I couldn’t be happier.  I wouldn’t want my husband or my child around her. 

Post # 43
Member
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

MsBrooklynA  Thank you so much.  Exactly.  It has been the hardest thing ever.  It hurts so much.  But we have to take steps to help ourselves.  Sending support back to you.

Post # 44
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

I have more or less cut my parents out. They want nothing to do with a life that involves Mr. F, and I just having nothing to talk to them about that doesn’t involve them. I never call them, just let them call me. They have very different priorities for their life than I do for mine, and they are very monetarily motivated people, so I chose not to be around that.

Post # 45
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yes, my favorite sibling, my brother. For years I gave him a place to live when he needed it and probably thousands of dollars. And I was happy to do so. But he has turned into a horribly depressing alcoholic who is so wrapped up in being miserable that he makes everyone else around him miserable. He has gone through three other family members since he reluctantly left my home – he makes no effort to find a job, is bitter and does nothing but whine about his miserable existence. We have all tried to help him but he prefers to be miserable and mooch off of others. Such a shame but he was literally dragging me down with him, I had to cut him out of my life.

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