Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains
Agree with all the PPs, your friend is expecting too much. I’m offering a ‘sleepover’ option to some of my friends the night before but I’m picking up all the cost. I’m doing it to help save them money.
Post # 17
I kind of understand why she’s upset. Even though it’s for a nice reason like wanting everyone to spend time together, it’s still comes down to she had a vision of what the night was going to be and now it isn’t going her way. She can want you to come but she can’t demand that you come and then make you feel bad for not helping create her vision.
Post # 18
PP’s have had great advice. I couldn’t agree more. Don’t drop out just yet, but man she is being a brat! I always worry about these types of brides–what are you going to do when the ‘show’ is over? Yikes.
I loved @annabannanabee’s advice! :”Sorry, that’s not in my budget and I live so close it makes sense to sleep at home.” That is perfection.
I’m the ultimate ‘I love my bed’ kind of person and I do NOT like being told what to do. It’s just plain rude. If she wants it, she should offer to pay or she should have an at home slumber party. Even then, I think it is rude to ‘force’ people to stay the night. You’re an adult, you shouldn’t have to have a sleepover. If you wanted to–that is awesome and you would have a blast, but it shouldn’t be an obligation and you even more so should not have to pay!
Have you heard from the other BMs? Is everyone staying?
Post # 19
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
katecod12 : I am having my bridesmaids stay with me in special accomodations the night before the weddign so we can all enjoy the night before and the morning together. I think it will be a great experience and a last chance for us to bond before the crazy day!
HOWEVER. I am not asking the bridesmaids to pay for this. I am covering the cost for them. I think if she wants you to be there, thats totally fine, but she shouldn’t be expecting you to pay for it.
Its the same with hair and maleup, if you want soemthing specific or to hire a professional as a bride, you cover the cost, Otherwise you let the bridesmaids choose what they want to do.
It’s extremely rude to spend someone elses money for them.
Post # 20
I feel like spending the night before with your bridesmaids is normal, but expecting them to pay for your honeymoon suite is not…that’s super strange. I’m Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend’s upcoming wedding, and it’s only 2 minutes from my apartment. I will be staying with her the night before because she asked nicely AND she is covering the cost. I’m staying the night of at the hotel too (depsite living so close) even though she mentioned numerous times that I don’t have to if I didn’t want to, but I thought it would be fun to be surrounded by my friends. At no point did she demand any of this.
Post # 21
Its pretty normal to spend night before with bridesmaids/groomsmen especially if rehearsal dinner is that night too and to be honest its a lot of freaking fun, however she should for sure be covering the cost, since she is otherwise a leveled and very nice girl as you say i would just tell her again that you would be happy to hang out and then uber home or stay if she covered cost
I also think your being dramatic wanting to drop out of wedding of someone who is a very close and otherwise a very normal and nice friend.
Give ti a few days and talk to her again, weddings are stressful and sometimes brides become a little crazy no its nto an excuse but im sure we are all guilty of this and were happy when our friends leveled us down.
Certainly nothing worth ending friendship over… which this would be if you drop out
Post # 22
Thank you ladies for the great advice! I agree I don’t want to drop out, the only reason it crossed my minds is because she said something along the lines of if you can’t commit to this then I understand. And that got my brain going if you’re going to be like this the whole time when your wedding is 10 months away then maybe I should spare myself the grief.
She also said something pretty offensive to me throughout this convo about how would I know about budgets when I’m not even paying for my wedding. I sympathize that her parents aren’t helping her out but I thought that was completely uncalled for
Post # 23
katecod12 : As a bride, I felt that it was important for my bridesmaids to stay with me the night before the wedding. I just always pictured it as one last fun sleepover with wine and sillyness to ease my nerves. Because it was important to me I paid for the rooms for everyone. I not only got the bridal suite, I got a second room so that everyone would have a bed. All of my bridesmaids understood and were grateful because the venue was pretty far from all of them.
In your case, I totally get why the bride wants you to stay, but it’s very rude of her to request that you pay!
Post # 24
katecod12 : give it a few days. Then tell her that you are very excited for her wedding but are planning on sleeping at your own house the night before. Sounds like tensions are high right now. Giving people time to cool down always helps.
Post # 25
- Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains
“she also said something pretty offensive to me throughout this convo about how would I know about budgets when I’m not even paying for my wedding.”
If I understand correctly, you have help from family paying for your upcoming wedding whereas she and hubby are footing the bill? I agree that was a petty and snide remark, but I also agree with the PP that it sounds like she’s stressed- I wouldn’t take it personally I’ve definitely said things in a heated moment that I later regretted. She wants a special day and unfortunately she’s tight on funds.
However, I agree with my prior post that expecting everyone else to chip in towards the room is ridiculous. I know times are tough for some folks but you can’t have champagne taste on a beer budget (I’m not talking craft beer either). If she can’t afford the suite then she shouldn’t have reserved it in the first place.
Post # 26
Rude. If she’s mandating you sleep over, she needs to be the one who pays.
And yes, I have dropped out of a wedding, and no we are not still friends or speak at all. She was 100000x more bridezilla-y though LOL.
Post # 27
Yep I had to drop out of my best friends wedding as Maid/Matron of Honor bc she told me I was being selfish for getting engaged 6 months before her wedding. I immediatley ended things with her; we didnt speak for 2 years and now we do again. I feel like weddings can bring out the absolute worst in people.
Post # 28
Update: the river of shit continues.
We got an email from the Maid/Matron of Honor last night for the bachelorette party and it looks like she is planning on each of us spending roughly 1-1.5k to attend a 4 day weekend. When some of the ladies expressed concerns about not being able to afford it we were told to put some money away every week in order to do this for the bride.
Again, all for doing things for the bride but that’s just not a check I can cash right now and the bride seems to be 0% flexible. I budgeted about 1k total to be a part of this wedding (dress, Bach party, shower, wedding weekend) and it feels like it’s going to cost 3 times that when it’s all said and done. I’m honestly at a loss because I feel like I’m trying but it’s just not appreciated and I’m made to feel bad for not being able to fund what I think is asking too much.
Post # 29
- Wedding: April 2019 - USA
katecod12 : That’s a whole lotta nope. If she wants to do these expensive things she needs to foot the bill. None of you really sound like you want to do any of this anyway so it’s not like you guys specifically requested it… I would tell her to shove it. It’s completely out of line for her to expect this of you. I’d tell her that unfortunately you don’t have the budget to make this work. If the throws a fit then tell her you’d be happy to step down if she’s more concerned about this weekend than about your support as a bridesmaid. If that happens, the friendship would probably be over.
Post # 30
katecod12 : this is an easy decision. Skip the bachelorette and be open about why you cannot attend. Or maybe talk to someone else who is financially strapped and fly in for a day or two and find your own lodging. If you stay with the group you may end up having to pay for lodging for the entire four days.