(Closed) Have you ever fallen in love with a friend?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9829 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Fiance and I were very good friends (he was my best guy friend, I was his best female friend) before we became a couple. The feelings just developed into something more. Both my father and sister suggested him and I as a potential couple, but I was horrified. I said something like ‘ew no! I think of him like a brother!

Ha turns out they were right and he and I have been a couple for over 7 and a half years now, engaged over 4 and a half. Sometimes friendships just develop into great relationships!

Post # 3
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

When I was in grade 9 I met one of my best guyfriends…we will call him Walter.

Walter and I met on practically a whim. He was new friends with two other boys I had known since grade 7.  Myself, Walter and those two other boys ‘founded’ our social group that had grown to almost 20 people by the time we graduated high school. Our group spanned across grades 9-12 and we were all inclusive…we even joked when we graduated that we’d want to come back in tn years and meet the ‘decendants’ of our original group (as younger members were added every year).

Anyways. Since about grade 10 there was a little bit of flirtation. This was started by us sharing a peck on the lips after a game of spin the bottle at a party. We never really acted on it…and at the end of grade 10 he moved….though we stayed in close contact. I’d also like to note this was pre-social media and everyone owning cellphones…so I am talking real phone calls from landlines and emailing through our hotmail accounts!

When we got to college, we were attending seperate school but they were driving distance apart so we could visit each other. One thing led to another and we ‘came to the mutual decision’ that we should lose our virginities to each other. We agreed it would be a good idea because we were very close friends and we both wanted to lose our virginities. Plus we both had this ‘fear’ of the person we gave our virginity to would break our heart. 

Without getting too graphic, we became friends with benefits for the next three years. We never really became a ‘real’ couple because we were both attending different schools (and dating people on and off at said schools). *please note we didn’t have sex when one of us were dating someone* 

By the end of the three year stretch things were getting a little complicated between us. We always adored each other and felt safe with each other, and were protective of each other in return. But the act of us having sex felt more like a ‘comfort’ thing…a part of our friendship if you will. One day out of nowhere Walter had a breakdown and told me he’d been madly in love with me since grade 9 and thought that I could never love him in return (because he was overweight, homely looking and was very quirky). He admitted this friends with benefits arragnement was the only way he ever thought he could be with me. To be honest the thought of being real boyfriend and girlfriend HAD crossed my mind many times over the years but I never acted upon it because it felt like HE never wanted that.

We decided to ‘try’ dating. I felt like early on it went horribly. It felt stilted, uncomfortable and awkward because we were in a ‘long distance’ relationship’. The ‘magic’ of what we’d had the last three years felt spoiled. We mutually agreed it just wasn’t the right time. Things got a little weird between us, but before we could mend things properly, he got into another relationship which lasted a few months. This particular girl was very controling and manipulative. She didn’t want him to have female friends. This (understandably) caused a rift in our friendship. Then she told him he had to cut ALL his female friends out. He was so under her spell he actually cut me out. I was so hurt by that after everything we’d been through I refused to speak to him even after they broke up.

Fast forward to two years later. By now social media was the common thing it is now. He found me on Facebook and I agreed to talk. At this point I was in a serious relationship (not my DH, but a long term guy) and he had been alone since this crazy controlling girl. The way he spoke to me was NOT the Walter I knew. He was pervy, trying to talk dirty to me and be a general pig. Those two years changed him. He wanted me to ditch my longtime boyfriend, get with him and have the happily ever after he always wanted. He never once appoligized for cutting me out over his ex girlfriend. He just wanted to pretend it never happened…and to be honest didn’t even SEEM sorry. It was like he expected me to just ‘understand’. I wasn’t having it, and wanted a platonic friendhsip with him. He didn’t want that at all. We stopped talking again shortly after. That is the end of the story.

YES mine turned out sad…but not all friends that fall in love do. If I could go back and change things I wouldn’t! When I look back on it, I now only remember the happy and not the sad 🙂

Post # 4
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I tend to have an equal number of guy and female friends, so people have given me a lot of grief about it over the years, but it never really happened. Well, until it did. I’d just broken up with a pretty nasty boyfriend and a guy friend of mine took me out for drinks and dessert to celebrate. I had had a crush on him when we first met (rare for me), but we were both in relationships then, so I put a fair amount of effort into squashing it. By the time we had our cocktails-and-desserts “friend date,” he was single, too, also after a very ugly breakup. We went through a half-dozen cocktails between us, then ended up back at my place sharing a bottle of wine on my couch … and he kissed me. It was the best kiss of my life.

 

We’re getting engaged soon 🙂 We’ve been together ever since.

 

It’s not typical, but sometimes it happens!

Post # 5
Hostess
9080 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
dalia88 :  I did, we were friends, I had a Boyfriend or Best Friend, friend was into me, told me his feelings. When I broke up with Boyfriend or Best Friend me and friend started dating, dated 4.5 years but it didn’t work out – our relationship ended because basically we were just like friends.

Post # 6
Member
2625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’ve had two experiences with this.

1) We met at our summer work, and it was really obvious that he liked me.  I had no interest in him like that, but we got to be close friends.  Throughout the first couple years of our friendship I dated a couple different guys.  The third summer of the job with the friend, I single and started to have feelings for my friend.  We even kissed once.  After a bit of distance (when I went back to college for the year) I realized I only had those feelings because I was lonely.  We are still good friends (though not as close as we had been), and I am happily engaged to someone else. 

2) After a big breakup, I became friends with a guy I met in one of my college classes.  At first, we just talked in class, then studied together, and then became friends.  He was really my only friend at college.  We got to be really close, and even while we were apart over the summer, we could talk on the phone for hours.  After we returned to school in the fall, we talked about it, and both decided that it had turned into more than friends.  However, we didn’t really want to date because of a few differences.  He was in the military (which I was uncomfortable with), and I wasn’t religous (which he was uncomfortable with).  We kissed once and cuddled a lot, but that was it.  After I graduated, we remained in contact, but he finally said that it was basically like a breakup to him and we stopped talking for a while.  A few months later, we tried to pick up a friendship of sorts, but it was never really the same and fizzled out.  He’s now married, and I’m engaged.  He is the one that I kind of always wonder about in the back of my mind.  We got a long really well, but we just had a few differences that were too big for us to overcome.  I do really wish that we lived in the same place now though because I think that now that we are solidly both with someone else, we could pick up our friendship again.

Post # 7
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My SO. I didn’t like him romantically at all when we met. I thought he was cool, a nice guy etc but I just wasn’t interested. He however had an interest but I told him I wasn’t looking for anything then as I had recently broken up from a controlling ex. We became friends though and eventually good friends and I grew to appreciate him more over the course of a yr and a half before telling him I liked him. Other women tried to get with him during our friendship but he for some reason didn’t want them. Patient guy huh lol Honestly if someone told me back then I’d be with him now, I wouldn’t believe it but he’s been one of the best things in my life. 

Post # 8
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
dalia88 :  I met my husband at work, and while our friends to dating mvoed quickly, I only saw him as a friend at first, and then a month later I finally saw him in a different light and was immediately interested, luckily. he was still chasing after me and we went out a few times before becoming official and the rest is history.  I’d say for friends to become more, there has to be chemistry, a good balance of laughter and respect, along with understanding and a realization that this person (depending on how long you’ve been friends) could be someone you love, but you;re not in love with.

Post # 9
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

The majority of guys I dated were friends first. The ones that weren’t crashed and burned rather quickly as that “instant attraction” faded and I realized they didn’t have much too offer besides being cute.

My Fiance and I were friends for over a year before we started dating and it just kind of happened. We got to know each other and like each other more and decided to give dating a shot. So far, so good.

You may be seeking the attention he previously gave you now that it seems he’s stopped trying to pursue you. Ask yourself if he is really someone you can see yourself in a romantic relationship with a year from now. Usually I’d day there’s no harm in trying, but he’s made it very clear for a while that he has feelings for you, so if you aren’t going to give it an honest shot it’d be best not to play with his emotions.

Post # 10
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My ex was my best friend. We dated for over 3.5 years. After the relationship ended, I was really sad because I just didn’t lose a bf but also a bff.

Post # 11
Member
5915 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Yes. My Fiance was my friend forever, since we were in diapers really.  But I never saw him in “that” way. No attraction for him, couldn’t imagine myself ever being with him. If anyone told me years ago that I would be marrying him one day I would have laughed in their face. Now I owe them a drink ☺ one day I just looked at him differently. He looked cute, his laugh was cute, I didn’t want any other woman to have him. I couldn’t be happier that my best friend is going to be my husband ☺ friendship is the best base for a long term relationship imo.  I say give him a chance.

Post # 12
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Yes, once.  We were best friends for a year or so, then I loved him secretly for another year before I told him.  It caused some tensions for a while as he didn’t have the same feelings for me.  But after another few months we got our friendship back to ormal, and I was able to move on.  Telling him was hard, but for the best.  I was sad, but I really needed the closure to get on with my life and find someone else.  And I did.  😉

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