- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
When I was in grade 9 I met one of my best guyfriends…we will call him Walter.
Walter and I met on practically a whim. He was new friends with two other boys I had known since grade 7. Myself, Walter and those two other boys ‘founded’ our social group that had grown to almost 20 people by the time we graduated high school. Our group spanned across grades 9-12 and we were all inclusive…we even joked when we graduated that we’d want to come back in tn years and meet the ‘decendants’ of our original group (as younger members were added every year).
Anyways. Since about grade 10 there was a little bit of flirtation. This was started by us sharing a peck on the lips after a game of spin the bottle at a party. We never really acted on it…and at the end of grade 10 he moved….though we stayed in close contact. I’d also like to note this was pre-social media and everyone owning cellphones…so I am talking real phone calls from landlines and emailing through our hotmail accounts!
When we got to college, we were attending seperate school but they were driving distance apart so we could visit each other. One thing led to another and we ‘came to the mutual decision’ that we should lose our virginities to each other. We agreed it would be a good idea because we were very close friends and we both wanted to lose our virginities. Plus we both had this ‘fear’ of the person we gave our virginity to would break our heart.
Without getting too graphic, we became friends with benefits for the next three years. We never really became a ‘real’ couple because we were both attending different schools (and dating people on and off at said schools). *please note we didn’t have sex when one of us were dating someone*
By the end of the three year stretch things were getting a little complicated between us. We always adored each other and felt safe with each other, and were protective of each other in return. But the act of us having sex felt more like a ‘comfort’ thing…a part of our friendship if you will. One day out of nowhere Walter had a breakdown and told me he’d been madly in love with me since grade 9 and thought that I could never love him in return (because he was overweight, homely looking and was very quirky). He admitted this friends with benefits arragnement was the only way he ever thought he could be with me. To be honest the thought of being real boyfriend and girlfriend HAD crossed my mind many times over the years but I never acted upon it because it felt like HE never wanted that.
We decided to ‘try’ dating. I felt like early on it went horribly. It felt stilted, uncomfortable and awkward because we were in a ‘long distance’ relationship’. The ‘magic’ of what we’d had the last three years felt spoiled. We mutually agreed it just wasn’t the right time. Things got a little weird between us, but before we could mend things properly, he got into another relationship which lasted a few months. This particular girl was very controling and manipulative. She didn’t want him to have female friends. This (understandably) caused a rift in our friendship. Then she told him he had to cut ALL his female friends out. He was so under her spell he actually cut me out. I was so hurt by that after everything we’d been through I refused to speak to him even after they broke up.
Fast forward to two years later. By now social media was the common thing it is now. He found me on Facebook and I agreed to talk. At this point I was in a serious relationship (not my DH, but a long term guy) and he had been alone since this crazy controlling girl. The way he spoke to me was NOT the Walter I knew. He was pervy, trying to talk dirty to me and be a general pig. Those two years changed him. He wanted me to ditch my longtime boyfriend, get with him and have the happily ever after he always wanted. He never once appoligized for cutting me out over his ex girlfriend. He just wanted to pretend it never happened…and to be honest didn’t even SEEM sorry. It was like he expected me to just ‘understand’. I wasn’t having it, and wanted a platonic friendhsip with him. He didn’t want that at all. We stopped talking again shortly after. That is the end of the story.
YES mine turned out sad…but not all friends that fall in love do. If I could go back and change things I wouldn’t! When I look back on it, I now only remember the happy and not the sad 🙂