Post # 31
Yep, I fell for the tricks of a narcissist for 4 and a half YEARS!!! My EX fiance’ (If you want details I think you can find my first board post from this profile if you view my profile, it’s quite the lifetime movie drama) You CANNOT feel bad for falling for their lies and manipulation, they trick almost everyone until their true nature finally comes to light, it’s part of them. Being so charming, always saying the right things, always caring about how they appear to other people, ALWAYS playing victim, never taking accountability, never showing remorse. I found out my narcissistic, sociopathic ex fiance cheated on me with a 17 year old GIRL, which stung and was completely terrible, but the worst part was slowly discovering who he really is. He fits EVERY checkmark in the profile for a narcissist and a sociopath. Finding out his true nature after thinking I had known him for so long definitely upset me. Thinking you really know someone only to have this idea of them you’ve built up over years and years wiped away.
You cannot feel bad for being deceived by him, it’s normal to feel very upset finding out someone’s true colors. As someone explained to me, it’s like this person you thought you knew died. And this whole new person exists that you are trying to equate to the now dead person, but you have to accept that they are gone and this is what you have now. All you can do is be grateful you at least found out before things got EVEN worse, keep supporting your cousin, and forget him. Oh and a word of advice for your cousin, I don’t know if she’s considering at all trying to get him to change or go to therapy, but if she is, BEWARE. Narcissists will most likely NEVER change.
Post # 32
Yes, in my case it is the ex-dil. She almost destroyed my son. Their divorce was the best thing that happened for him and for our family. I saw it early on but turned my head because he was in love with her.
Now that we are all well aware of it, my son is very careful to watch and counter-act her manipulations of the children. Encouraging them to be themselves and without saying anything negative about their mother, reinforcing that they have every right to have their own thoughts, feelings and dreams. Hopefully, they will come through their childhoods without too much long term affect. But their 10 year old daughter is already pulling away from her mom because of it. I’m sure the younger ones will eventually also. Within a year of the divorce being final she re-married a young man 13 years her junior. The same age my son was when she got her claws into him. They prey on the inexperienced. She got pregnant and used religion to force the marriage. I truly hope she loves him enough to control her personality disorder so they can have a long and happy marriage.
Oh well, all is good, my son has regained his self confidence, set new goals, gotten his life back together and is the most devoted dad you can imagine. We have a great relationship with him and our grandkids so it’s all worked out in the end. We are probaly the luckiest survivors of a narcissist.
Post # 33
Thanks Bees for answering, sorry I couldn’t tag each one of you. The thing that got me angry and upset was that I saw quite a few red flags over the relationship with my cousin’s ex-husband.
I dismissed these red flags and didn’t give them a second thought, I mean he’s a human after all is what I told myself. He’s so perfect outside so if I saw him make a mistake or do anything out of the ordinary, I’ll just overlook it as everyone makes mistakes and no ones perfect.
But when my cousin told me he bashed her severely and smashed her head against the wall before the birth of her daughter, I was devastated. I couldn’t believe someone like him could do such thing. That’s when I felt the puzzle fit together and I realized who that person with: a psychopath and narcissist.
I was angry that I dismissed all the red flags because I didn’t think suspiciously or too bad of him. So now I’m beating myself up of how I didn’t see through with all the lies and manipulation. I fell for all of them and wished I would be able to see through them earlier.
Is that what you also experienced Bees? Do some of you feel like you discovered who that narcisist truly was until it was too late?
Post # 34
I work with one. Oh the joys.