(Closed) Have you ever felt like you won't be getting the wedding that YOU want?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not getting the wedding that I want, but in a different way I suppose. I am not getting the wedding I want mostly because I want to elope, as does my Fiance. But our families have made it very clear that they will be really upset about it if we do, which is a total bummer as I don’t want my wedding marred by negative feelings. I haven’t yet figured out what to do about it, though. I know I don’t want a wedding with more then 15 people or so, so I’m going to have to have a Destination Wedding probably. It will be lovely, I’m sure, but far larger than what we want (even though I know 15 isn’t large or anything)

 

I think if you want to change things about your wedding, though, you should make those changes you are able to make. Like if you want the lights, make sure you get them. You are paying for all this stuff, and it’s your day. As for the things that can’t be changed, I think sometimes things just naturally end up deviating a bit from the vision in our minds, like your shoes for example, but ultimately those deviations end up being for the best (i.e. I’m sure your new shoes will look great with your dress, red or not)

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s natural to feel anxious about how everything will look on the day, especially if you already had a clear picture in your head about it all. To be honest, though, it sounds as though at least a few of the things could be fixed or aren’t too serious. Like junkbondtrader said, you are paying for these things, so you should get the final say (e.g. on the lights or table linens). Obviously vendors are going to have their opinions – they’ve dealt with lots of weddings before yours and will generally have a bit of an idea of what works and what doesn’t. Yeah, it sucks that a white dancefloor won’t work, but I can see what they mean about it looking very dirty after the first few dances.

Obviously your groom gets the final say in what he wears – he needs to feel comfortable too, but I think what your dressmaker said about the bridesmaids’ dresses is just crazy! She can have an opinion, sure, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it. If you want your bridesmaids in short dresses, then go for it!

I understand the feeling of the wedding not being what you wanted – I planned for a casual daytime ceremony with a buffet lunch, but the future-in-laws have their heart set on a full-blown wedding with all the trimmings, so we’re trying to reach some sort of compromise. It sucks to be paying for things you don’t particularly care about or want, so put your foot down on the things that really matter to you and try and make them happen!

Post # 6
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Truthfully, I think your wedding sounds beautiful! I can totally see how everything is coming together, visualizing it myself.  However, like PP’s said…it’s your wedding so you have every right (and SHOULD! Wink) voice your opinion about what you want!  But, I would keep in mind that many vendors have experienced numerous weddings before, so they may be giving you opinions of things to consider.  It may be just what you needed to know, or it may be the opposite of what you want (which is perfect too!) but I think they’ll just trying to supply a “professional” been there, done that, opinon.  Take it for what it, and everyone else’s is…just an opinion or idea for consideration.  It the end, it has to be you and your Fiance…and everyone will see the light and love shine through. 🙂

Congratulations!!

Post # 7
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I had to compromise on quite a few things so I won’t get my ideal dream wedding. But I am still getting the wedding I want, just on a budget LOL.  I think it’s your day and you should feel happy with every decision that is being made.  If you want a white dance floor, get it.  Lace lighting, go for it.  Short bm dresses, it’s your day.  These people have experience but at the end of the day it is YOUR day not theirs and you should go with your gut.

Post # 8
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I definitely feel like the wedding planning isn’t going exactly the way I wanted it to. But I try to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world, that some of these things can be changed, and that some are just minor details anyway. 

Post # 9
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I definitely wanted something much more casual and outdoorsy, but fi and his family are neither of those things. It’s turned into a huge formal event, and while that makes me a little sad I’m sure that on the day of I’ll be happy and think everything is beautiful. Also I get to marry fi, so in the grand scheme of things changing decor doesn’t feel like so much of a big deal.

Post # 10
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’m a little confused when you mentioned a designer overseas- are you talking about an event planner/designer? Anyway it is your day and youdefinitely should speak up if things aren’t coming together the way you want. Line s, lighting, etc can easily be changed. As far as the dress. You have had a lot of reservations about. It since you bought it. Do you get that ‘wow’ feeling when you try on the lace dresses, like you did with the Martina dress? You know obviously love that dress, but if you feel like you are going to be unhappy with it maybe there is time to change it. If its just because f the holes though I’m sure those can be fixed. Anyway, good luck and speak up about what you want!

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like you compromised on some things which sucks. The thing that stuck out to me, who cares whether or not the designer prefers long dresses to short dresses? She won’t be wearing them, she probably won’t even be there. Don’t give up what you want just because you think it’s rude to disagree.

It’s only August, can’t you exchange your table linens for something that you prefer? I thought that the point of mock-ups are so that you can make changes before the final product. Not trying to be harsh, but there are some things you have control over and some that you don’t. The things that you have a say in, you need to be forceful so that you are dissapointed. Also, things change…so you wanted sparkly shoes but the non sparkly look better…is this really a big deal? Either wear the shoes that you always planned on wearing before you bought the dress or wear that shoes that you think look better.

This is a good reason for not over-planning the wedding before you actually start the process. Things definitely change and you just set yourself up for dissapointment, which sounds like is exactly what happened. 

Post # 12
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just got married two weeks ago…and yeah, this is normal. Everything I wanted idnd’t end up working out for one reason or another…it just didn’t compliment the way I imagined it or I was told it woldn’t work.

Example, I always wanted roses and hydrangeas but the climate where we got married wasn’t suitable for hydtrangeas…they would have wilted and browed very quickly.  I also wanted amber lighting but when I came to look at it it just looked green and no matter how they adjusted it all I saw was green so I ended up with light pink instead….I also felt so limited by the linen choices and strapped by budget I couldn’t afford to rent from somehwere else so I went with totally white linens when originally I wanted light gray too.

I wasn’t really irked by any of the changes from my vision that had to be made…I think I rolled with the punches pretty well and realized I couldn’t have everything just the way I wanted it if it wouldn’t work…what could I do about it? I couldn’t change the climate or the lighting capabilities or the linen choices….or anything. As far as attire, I pretty much stick to my vision on that…the birdesmaids dress color didn’t end up being exactly what the swatch showed, but they weren’t returnable so we just had to deal with it.

I guess you can chose to be upset about it, or try and be comfortable with the compromises you must make. My mom to this day says I was sooo picky, and wanted everythign to be sooo perfect and tells me how much it bugs her but when I look back at how I didn’t get nearly anything the way I asked for it to be….I think she’s rather insane. 

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