(Closed) Have you ever given something big up for your SO?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh yes–there have been sacrifices and compromises, alike. But for both of us.

The big one for me is I’m CFBC. DH has 50% custody of his daughter/my stepdaughter. Holy cow–I’ve given up much of my quiet/alone time, my own personal funds, and (at times) my sanity (especially when the ex pipes up). Some people work for the weekend. I work for EVERY OTHER weekend. 🙂

But they are a package deal and I really can’t imagine him not in my life. Plus, she is a good little girl and deserves my caring, respect and what I have to offer/teach her (which I hope is a lot). So while this is not my ideal living situation, it is what it is and a small “price” to pay for all the happiness it brings.

I guess when you weigh the pros of being with a person against the pros of being without–whichever one weighs more to you is the better choice.

Post # 32
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

I moved to a different state a year and a half ago to be with my now husband, then boyfriend. Yes, before we were engaged. He moved from the city we both lived to be closer to his family after his Dad was diagnosed with ALS. Obviously, under those circumstances, I was supportive of the move even though it was hard. The parameter I put in place was that I wouldn’t join him until I found a job. It’s turned out to be a solid career move for me as well as the right thing for us as a couple. We got engaged shortly after I moved. Trust your gut, mine told me that it was the right thing to do and I haven’t regretted it once. 

Post # 33
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

My freedom? Lol. I had only been in one other relationship and for the most part enjoyed the perks that came with being single. Dh wants to convert to Catholicism so we’ve been giving it some serious thought (and attending mass)- I grew up in a devout Christian family so entertaining converting feels huge to me.

Post # 34
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My job. I’ll be moving to live in his city & won’t realistically make what I make now.  $40k/Yr pay cut. Ouch.

Post # 36
Member
5045 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

milabeehappy:  

Im sorry bee it sucks that it all didn’t line up for you both but I think financially you guys made the best decision for your relationship.

When you start feeling a bit sad about not taking up the job opportunity think about things like you and SO being able to retire earlier,  take more overseas trips together, enjoying more of your hobbies etc because that is what the positives are to this decision.

I also don’t understand why all the bees are making this sound like your giving up a career for a man. You are not. Your SO also tried hard to make it work for you both.

As a nurse I have spent lots of time with terminally ill patients and I can honestly say none of them when they talk about regrets ever mention career. They always talk about relationships and not spending enough time with loved ones. I think you won’t regret this in the long run.

Edited to add that my hubby gave up living close to his family. He moved 3000 miles to live with me and near my family. It was hard for him but my guilt for making him move is a big burden for me. I especially feel bad when his parents have the usual health scares that come with ageing. I’m sure your SO probably feels guilty/bad like I do with your current situation.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by cmsgirl.
Post # 37
Member
6798 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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milabeehappy:  A couple of years into our relationship, I dropped all my living situation life goals for my now-husband.  My dream was to live in West Virginia with a big property and definitely a cave somewhere on my land.  He was from CA and hated the humidity of the east coast.  And the 4 seasons, I think.  Anyway since we were in a LDR and I happened to lose my job, I decided to take one in the southwest instead – got me closer to him and was an area he’d be willing to move as well.

It was a fair compromise really – I wouldn’t move to CA either, so it wasn’t just stubbornness on his part.  About 2 years after my move, I shifted east a state and a year after that he moved in with me, giving up a very good job to do so.  It took him more than another year to find work in his field.

So basically we both made sacrifices for each other that were pretty huge.  Neither one of us lives near our families anymore, but it was the only feasible way for us to both be satisfied in starting a new life together, as we both love it out here.

Post # 38
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I’m wiling to leave my country, my family, my friends and home to be with my Fiance.  It works out well that he is so patient and supports me in my career and educational pursuits.  It’s exhilarating, terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I’m lucky that my current job allows me to work remotely whenever I visit him. 

Post # 39
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

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milabeehappy:  my advice is to never give up school or your career before the wedding! I’ve seen too many women have it blow up in their faces- ending up across the country, broke and alone, sometimes pregnant. Not all of their families were willing to save them and help put the pieces of their life back together. Don’t sacrifice any of your future for a man who won’t make equally great sacrifices at the same time- if you’re not willing to get married immediately, at least get engaged and have your name put on his house and his bank account. Have some security that he can’t kick you out on the street.

Post # 40
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope. My Fiance does not ask me to give up anything for him and I the same. We do typically follow my career over his, as I am older and have more experience / am more established /make more money and he plans to go back to school soon. This is a logical decision on both our parts, though. 

Post # 41
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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Gsxr06:  Wow. I don’t think I could be with someone that didn’t love my children as his own. I’m sorry you see having your husband’s lovely daughter–your stepdaughter in your home as a sacrifice. She will love knowing that when she gets older. 

Post # 42
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had an incredible apartment in Manhattan, and when we became serious, I ended up moving in with FH because he owned his apartment. It was near almost all of my friends, and in walking distance to museums, restaurants, and bars. 

Professionally, the place for us to be right now is California. We don’t love it, and in a year or so, we will move. Not sure if we’ll head back East, but CA is definitely not our spot.

Post # 43
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

This is miniscule in comparison to others, but I gave up living alone (which I loved) to get him out of an unfortunate roommate situation and because he was always at my place anyway. Sometimes I miss living alone but I love having him here and definitely feel safer. I just like my alone time too. But he is good at giving me that when I need it. I am definitely glad we live together though especially now that we’re engaged – not much will change when we get married, just my last name really lol

Post # 44
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

He’s given more but we’ve both made compromises. I paid his way through his last year of university because his parents moved to another state and he couldn’t live at home for the last year as they were selling the house. He couldn’t get a scholarship or a job so I paid for his accommodation and living expenses for an entire year. I was a student myself so we were both living pretty miserable lives off my one full scholarship, and long distance at that.
He later moved halfway across the world to be with me, leaving family, friends, dogs, and a fantastic job offer.
There will always be compromises in order to make it work.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by bluebird22.
Post # 45
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017 - France

My home country, my family to an extent, my culture. It’s not easy to keep your language and culture in a country where you’re the only person from there. My family isn’t big on technology or calling either so the only contact I have with some of them is through Facebook. 

I don’t hate it here, I love it but I miss my family and my culture a lot, the almost 360 view we had of the island out our windows, walking up and bring able to see the sea and knowing family was there. 

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