(Closed) Have you ever given something big up for your SO?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
10419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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sassybeee:  

I had almost the opposite in terms of region. I  gave up ( he  didnt  really know it)  a chance of  a place at UCLA Santa Barbara and stayed to do post grad  in Australia instead . Career wise I dont think it harmed me and I still have the BF  now a husband   –  but  I would have loved to have lived in California. Given the decision   again , I’d  go, he would have  waited !

Post # 47
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance and I met through facebook a few years back, we were in 2 different states and I had to go fly to visit him. That was fine for a little while, but after 4 months I moved interstate to be with him. I had to leave my hometown and family to go live with a man I just met on the internet, lol sounds crazy if I put it that way. 

Anyway, it was the best decision I made moving in with him. I made new friends, started a new life, got engaged and now I’m getting married. 

But, when my mum got sick, we moved back to my hometown to be closer with my family for 1 year, the town unforunately is a toxic place to live, along with the toxic people in it… In the end, we needed to move 10 hours back to where he grew up interstate. But at least we both gave it a shot. I moved for him, he moved for me, then we both made a decision together to move back to where we were both happy. 

I have also had my fair share of long distance relationships as well, but they never really worked out. It was too hard.

Post # 48
Member
1453 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Oh man, so many sacrifices. But they’ve all worked out. Let’s see. He moved from Australasia to North America, then followed me again to Europe, then I followed him to a new job within Europe and now I’ll be following him back to North America next year. I try to think of it not as “my job his job” but instead as a joint combination. As long as combined we’re better off (i.e. new salaries combined are equal or higher then previous salaries) then it’s worth it (obviously as long as we enjoy the jobs too). 

I’ve been doing a 2 hour commute to work for the last 8 months. It blows. However I like my job and Fiance loves his job, so I do it and I try to stay positive about it. I listen to podcasts and catch up on the news so that those 2 hours in the car each way don’t feel like lost time. 

We’re in this together building BOTH our careers and we try to balance one of our advances with the other so that it’s not always just one of us moving forward and the other is accommodating. However, Fiance has higher earning potential then I do, so if push came to shove, I’d prioritize his advancement over mine. Luckily we’ve never (yet) had to make that type of trade-off decision. 

Post # 49
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

So after university I moved away from all my family to live with my then bf and took a minimum wage job. I got a job 6 weeks after moving here but it was 100 miles away and I didn’t want to just move out after just moving in with him. I commuted 2 and a half hours eache way and spent so much on travel. I started on a short term contract and that was part of the reason I didn’t move but within a few months I was offered (repeatedly) permanent contracts on more money. I turned them down because my bf couldn’t move, even though he was on a lower salary than me but I didn’t want to not live with him. So at this point everyone would have advised (and did advise me) not to give up my career for a man. This was about 2-3 years before we got engaged.

I wasn’t getting anywhere with other applications despite my willingness of my employer to make me permanent. So I applied for a graduate programme on a whim (yes in hindsight that’s not a great idea) and because I genuinely didn’t think I would get offered a position I didn’t tell my bf. When I got an offer letter and told him he told me that I had a great opportunity and I should take it, this is despite most of my wage going on travel and his wage keeping us fed and in a home. Now, if someone here posted that their bf had applied to graduate programme despite them barely breaking even and having no savings without discussing it with them, you can bet everyone would be telling her to leave.

(As an aside, I got a new job about 6 months after I had started the graduate programme and whilst it was the same salary that I had been offered by my previous employers the travelling was a lot less so we had more money. My old team was also put on redundancy notice and so if I had have taken the permanent job like everyone told me I’d have been made redundant but I hadn’t been with the company long enough to receive redundancy payments or to be relocated with the organisation. So in that case I was right to trust my instincts.)

I’m not happy in my current role and I’m not 100% sure what I want to do. That isn’t my now husbands fault for not being able to move, it’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be away from my family and feel like my career has stalled, especially while his career is going so well. I have to remind myself that there isn’t a single time he hasn’t been supportive of me and that part of my problem is my industry is saturated. It gets harder to remind yourself why you did when you feel like things aren’t going to quite to plan.

We’ve also both given up things that aren’t related to our careers and continue to do so. The wedding through up a lot of things to compromise on. Be honest with each other about what you are compromising on and realise you’re both bending on something.

Post # 50
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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milabeehappy:  Don’t know why a few bees started out so negative on your thread (mind, I’ve not read all of it yet!)

I moved a 6-hour PLANE flight away from my friends (closer to my family though, we’ve just always moved a lot to be honest..) I guess there are sacrifices in every relationship, but it depends on what’s important to you. In my case my now Fiance was way more important to me, and I knew I’d still see my friends, albeit less frequently.

So I think you did the right thing, and he sounds lovely considering he tried and had interviews. Sounds like a solid, joint decision to me.

Post # 52
Member
4273 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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milabeehappy:  I gave up my dream Master’s program at my dream school for my DH. I got into Emerson College for publishing. However, the reality of moving away from my then SO, now DH (he could not get a transfer with his job) for at least two year’s minimum would have meant we could have possibly broken up. DH wasn’t the ONLY factor that led to me turning down my spot (money was a HUGE factor), but he was a major consideration. In the end, I chose not to go and I can say that while I get a little bummed from time to time (although not in a while), I don’t feel as if I gave up something more important than what I gained. DH and I are married now, we will be starting a family next year, we are closer with our friends and family more than ever. I would have been living a completely different life if I had gone to Emerson, who knows if it would have been better or worse? I’m perfectly content with the life I have. And for what it’s worth, I connected with a girl through Tumblr who got accepted into the same program and while she has a job in publishing, it doesn’t pay much, she’s drowning in student loans, and lives with three other girls. No thanks.

Post # 53
Member
1930 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m more adventurous than Fiance so I don’t know if I’ve given this up per say as I’ve done it a few times, lol, but IR eally wanted to just pick up and move. To the Yukon. I was researching everything. We both have transferrable jobs (construction for him and healthcare, food service or accounting for me) so I didn’t think it’d be all that hard. Even if we had minimumw age, I just wanted to go for the experience and see if anything comes from it.

He’ll NEVER move and I feel I’ve sacrficed that chance to explore as a result of him. However, once we have kids, it’ll be a non issue

Post # 54
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I gave up my mum and dad, they don’t like my husband. I had a bad time of coming to terms with their lack of love for him and now our baby. They don’t even send any of us abirthday card, even not to our toddler, let alone presents…. Crazy how sad some people are with their insecurities. My son will grow up never knowing these people, but it’s no great loss to him

Post # 55
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I gave up a year-long teaching job in South America. At the time, Fiance and I had only been dating about a month but i knew it was worth it. So don’t listen to anyone who thinks “about to be engaged” isn’t a real commitment or worth the risk – only you and your SO know the nature of your relationship.

I am also giving up a job/company I love to move to a state as Fiance hates living here and it will be better for his career in the new state.

Marriage is full of compromises – I plan to teach in South America for a summer instead of a year, Fiance doesn’t want to spend a whole summer apart but he knows this is a dream of mine, so this is our compromise.

Post # 56
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

No, I can’t say that I have. But then again, I haven’t really had an opportunity where I had the chance to give something up. We decided to move out of state together so I could pursue my M.S., and my SO got a job once we moved down there. He was unfortunately laid off a few months before my job search, and we decided together that I should apply to the best jobs I could and we would move together based on the location of the job. I am now working while he pursues his second bachelors degree. 

I am not really sure that I would be happy giving up a dream job because my SO couldn’t find something pay comparable. A dream is a dream and while money is nice, it is not the end all be all. Just something to consider. 

Post # 57
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yes. I gave up my dream job and a career projection in a city where all of my friends and family live to move to another country for my SO and his dream job. Yes it was hard. Yes some days I resent him for it. Yes sometimes when I am homesick I remind him of the sacrifices I made to be with him. But honestly, our life here is awesome and we are so much happier being together than being apart. 

Post # 58
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

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milabeehappy:  I feel that a relationship requires compromise. You both tried and he had the better opertunity so I feel you made the right choice.

Post # 59
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee

My own apartment (I moved in with him, which I wanted, but he wanted it much more), the chance to advance in my company (a position in another office, out-of-state) and having a dog right now (he swears I can get one in the future… yeah, if I don’t or if he keeps pressuring me to put it off there will be hell to pay).

Post # 60
Member
5077 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

My husband makes me happier than my career ever will, so he will win out every time. I would never leave and have a long distance marriage for a job. I’d rather work at McDonald’s. So, OP, I would have absolutely made the same decision as you. 

But yes, I have sacrificed career prospects to stay where we are in FL. My goal was to get my PhD and go back to Boston to work in biotech. There isn’t much biotech down here and jobs are extremely limited, but I’ll make it just fine. I actually love living here and my husband loves his career. He will always make more money than me. I would be happy never working again, my husband loves his work and is lost without it. I’m happy to make the sacrifice, but I know that if I really wanted to move for my career, my husband would be on board, I just don’t want to.

 

All that said, I did make a huge sacrifice and moved for my ex to go to med school. That’s how I ended up in FL in the first place. I wouldn’t change it now, but making that big of a sacrifice without a commitment (though I thought there was) really did bite me in the ass when we broke up and I ended up broke with no place to live and no friends or family here to help me. 

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