Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about a person who is friends with your SO?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2418 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

She’s your husband’s friend, and by your own admission you don’t have any sort of relationship with her. So, I guess i don’t find it odd at all that she references him in her posts rather than you. If you didn’t see her at the wedding, how was she supposed to post a whole bunch of pictures of you & her at the wedding? It might be a little odd that none of the pictures included you, but maybe she just didnt think to take any & only posted pics of those people she actually interacted with at the wedding? 

I think you’re being a little too suspicious on this one.

Post # 3
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I find it a bit odd that this woman is apparently not close enough to your husband to get an official wedding invite or an invite to a party unless she hears about it and apparently wants to be included and yet she’s close enough to post about him on Facebook? To me that just sounds like she considers your husband to be a closer friend than he considers her. Not sure why your husband would say that you wouldn’t like her though? 

Post # 4
1870 posts
Buzzing bee

bluesky355 :  if he knew you wouldn’t like her, why would he invite her to something you worked so hard on for your mutual friends? I just find that…odd. I think you should talk to him about it and tell her how she made you feel.

Post # 5
65 posts
Worker bee

It sounds like she has a crush on your husband. Why be unfriendly to you? Why not post a photo of the happy couple/ the party hosts? I had something similar happen to me once. I would drive my partner (at the time) to work and sometimes visit him on his lunch break as a surprise. Normally he would meet me outside but one day I had to knock on the front door and his coworker answered. I had never spoken to this woman in my life but she avoided eye contact, was rude, and just said “I don’t know where he is” and shut the door in my face. So she knew who I was…and when I would pick him up from work, I would see them come out the front door together chatting/ laughing. Then I found out at one point she was crying to him about her problems and hugging him. I confronted him and told him the hugging had to stop. Anyway, years down the road I found out they had a crush on each other. It all made me really uncomfortable.

Post # 6
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Yeahh I would find the whole wedding thing odd. Even if I wasn’t friends with the bride, I would still post photos of them together; it’s their wedding after all. If not of them, why make a post of it?

Weird that your husband feels like he has to include her everytime she “overhears” his events. Is he actually close to her? If he’s close to her, how is it possible that you’ve never heard of her name until the wedding RSVP? And why would he say that you probably wouldn’t like her though?

I understand that your Darling Husband doesn’t have to tell you all about his colleagues/friends because they’re his friends after all. But…I find this fishy.

Post # 7
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

Id ask him to clarify why he thinks you wouldnt like her? Thats a red flag to me.. id wanna know why.. is it a serious problem issue that makes me question their friendship or is it coz they routinely to a pet peeve of mine and it was a lazy comment?

As for sharing stories I havent had any direct feelings yet but i get the feeling there could be 😂 I do have alot of male friends and my fiance has alot of female friends. And Im 99% sure a couple of them have more than friends feelings but nothing to concern me as they haven’t done anything outright and my fiance is very open and puts people in their place. Hes never given me reason to doubt how he would handle that situation.

He is very caring person too and I know he is a catch😍 He has a sort of friend- shes basically now just a FB friend he hasnt seen her in years but shes very depressed with lots of health issues and is a 24/7 facebook poster. She has previously attempted suicide and a few weeks ago she wrote would sounded like a suicide post on FB at about lunch time. Fiance messages her to ask if she was ok and she told him that she had just overdosed all her pills. It was a messed up day but he ended up getting hold of her housemate to take her to ER. She wouldn’t tell him her address to call an ambo. She didnt take enough to kill herself and she got the help she needed but she spent a few days messaging him apologising thanking him and then started saying how special he was to her and then he basically cut it off. He told me everything from day 1 and theres 0 concern honestly but yeah theres gonna be stuff like that on our future because he is observant and he is proactive in helping. A few of his femamw friends already told me how close they consider to be to him but as his #1 I know they all rate on the same level 😂

The day it bothers me Im confident he will shut them off. Im very thankful for that!

Post # 8
11238 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t know if she has a crush on your husband, but from how you describe her I would consider her to be pushy and impolite. That might also be why H says you wouldn’t like her.

Asking for an invitation or letting him know she wanted to attend was inappropriate. It was even worse that your husband invited her without discussing it with you. Once she got there, while it’s your responsibility to greet your guests, she was nowhere to be found. She should have made the effort to congratulate or thank you at some point. Or at least said good bye. 

Likewise, coming to your home and your party and virtually ignoring you is rude.

The Facebook thing is overblown. I never post photos or comments about people I do not know well and without their permission. 

I’d be sharing my impressions with H and having a talk about communication and that unilateral invitation. It’s possible she is just socially clueless. 

Post # 9
2469 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I think this all very strange, mainly the fact that your husband extended an invite to your wedding without consulting you then invited a woman to your party when he knew you wouldn’t like her.

maybe he has a problem saying no and she’s being pushy, but I’d take this up with your husband. He’s the problem, not her…

bluesky355 :  

Post # 10
5548 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would definitely ask my husband why he thought I wouldn’t like her. And why, if he thought I might not like her, he thought it would be a good idea to invite her to our home? Then I would explain to him that her wanting to attend parties just because she hears about them does not automatically equate to it being okay for her to get an invitation. Moving forward- no more last minute verbal invites for her. Since she seems to only be interested in knowing or acknowledging him, she doesn’t need to be in your home or at your events and she can see him AT WORK.

Post # 11
4469 posts
Honey bee

Yea all of that is a no for me. How freaking weird to post only groom photos?! And same deal at YOUR party. Nope I don’t like this lady. O would veto her being invited. No one disrespects the lady of the house. Whole lotta nope there. 

Post # 12
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

This is really weird and I wouldn’t be okay with it. He invited someone to your wedding without talking to you first? He invited someone to your party that he didn’t think you would like? She didn’t address the host of the party? She is blatantly rude to the SO of her supposed friend? Something just isn’t right here, and you need to have a serious chat with your husband about your concerns.

My fiance has had his fair share of friends with questionable motives. He’s a very sweet, funny, good looking guy, so I’m not phased in the slightest. He’s also incredibly oblivious to flirting. He accidentally agreed to go on a date once because he didn’t realize a girl was asking him out. Most of them were pretty harmless, and once they find out about me they fall out of the picture. 

One of them is a childhood friend of both of ours, though my relationship with her tapered off for various unrelated reasons. But I’ve known for a long time that she thought she was leading him around on a string, and was just “waiting” for the opportune time to try to get with him…until he and I started dating. To clarify, he was never interested in her. And for the longest time she never did anything directly, other than insinuate to me that she didn’t think my intentions were genuine with him. But as they were good friends and I knew nothing would ever happen, I kept my misgivings to mostly to myself. She’s very flighty and texts him incessantly when she needs something, but never replies when he tries to reach out. But again, I’m not going to tell who my fiance who he should and shouldn’t be friends with. I told him I wasn’t sure what she wanted out of their friendship, but that was about it.

Things however, came to a head after we got engaged. The topic of the wedding party came up, and he asked how I would feel about her being a groomslady…so I finally told him about how she insinuated that we’re not good together. And apparently she had told him before he proposed that she didn’t think he should propose to me, because she didn’t think that he would be able to be the person he wanted to be with me. To which he informed her that she was wrong and nothing she said was gonna change his mind. Since then he’s realized that she has always thought he would be there whenever she decided she finally wanted him, and now that she knows that she is not, and never will be, the most important woman in his life, she’s having trouble adjusting. They’re still friends, and she texts him more than ever now, but he doesn’t entertain her notions and she will not be invited to our wedding.

Post # 13
1971 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

If she likes him, why would she want to go to his wedding? You’d think she’d be at home crying. On the other hand, I generally believe in trusting gut feelings. I’d talk to your husband about this–how it seems odd that she invites herself to things but then doesn’t talk to you. 

Post # 14
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

lulubelle2017 :  

Some people are weird and just dont get it. Maybe they hope the groom would do a Ross Geller at the alter and say the wrong name 🤣

Post # 15
2837 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t buy the fact that she’s just ‘overhearing’ about these events and then your husband invites her out of obligation. The fact that he’s used that excuse more than once and said that you may not like her makes me think he knows there’s something up with her. 

He may not be up to anything himself, but he knows/suspects more than he’s letting on. Talk to him directly. 

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