- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
Thank you everyone for your responses, you’ve all been really encouraging and making me realize that this falling out will ultimately be a good thing in the end!
My friend however was supposed to me my Maid/Matron of Honor, but after she started dating a new guy, she changed drastically. After two weeks of dating him they decided that they need to get married literally right before my Fiance and I. I told her I didn’t agree with that or support it and she accused me of implying my wedding was more important than hers. My point was, my Fiance and I have been together 4 years, we thought about engagement for over a year before deciding. And we made sure we planned our wedding to be after I graduated college and got a good job. We’re debt free, own a home together, and have saved to make sure we can afford our dream wedding.
My friend however decided to get married after going on two dates. She’s in a lot of debt, failed college, bought a house despite her large amount of debt, she’s keeping her engagement a secret from all her family because she knows they won’t approve, and she’s planning her wedding to be the week of her finals for all the classes she has to repeat. I just think it’s wrong to decide to get married so quickly when you barely know each other, and to start out a marriage in major debt and unstable circumstances. She’s been insulting me lately saying that living together or sleeping together before marriage leads to divorce and she’s against it. I found that messed up since she was just living/sleeping with a married man 6 months prior to this all. Basically she was telling me her marriage was going to last and mine wasn’t since my Fiance and I live together and have sex.
Her planning her wedding to be just a couple weeks before ours and choosing the same colors and decor ideas were just the icing on the cake. She wanted me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her, but I told her it wasn’t going to happen since I will be busy with my own wedding. My mom, sister, Fiance, and other BM’s are disgusted with her and feel that she’s trying to copy/upstage us. After several fights I finally just told her I felt like it was best if we are not involved in each others weddings at all, and end our friendship. The whole wedding situation isn’t the only reason why we’ve fought in the past, but it definitely pushed things over the edge. My best friend who will be flying in to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man told me straight up to find a new Bridesmaid or Best Man to replace her because I didn’t deserve that kind of stress in my life. I’m trying to focus on all the positive going on in my life and realize that some friends aren’t meant to last.
Dont try to stress about it to much girl. You should read this the ” A Reason A Season or a Life Time” poem. After discovering this, its makes sense, and made me feel better about loss of friendships. I have had the loss of two friendships in the last couple years. I guess loss isnt a good word cause we are still friends, but no twhat we used to be. And thats ok.
It is crystal clear that your former friend wants what you have and is desperate to find a fake version of it no matter the cost. You don’t want to be a part of the process when that nightmare plays out. There would be too many pieces of her broken life to pick up; you do not need that heavy burden. Good luck with everything!
My only dilemma at this point is finding a way to get some of her stuff back to her. Back when I was busy moving into my new house, she gave me a huge box of things to sell on the FB swap for her. I told her I didn’t have the time but she didn’t care and gave me the box anyway. Now I’ve got this huge box in my guest bedroom and I want to just give it back. She lives over an hour a way and I’m not sure what her address is. I have a feeling I may have to just start a brief conversation so I can get the address to ship the stuff back, it really just isn’t appropriate for me to have it… Ugh, just when I thought this could all be over with.
crisy003: Yup, I had a falling out with 2 people I considered very close. One was a friend I’d known since kindergarten. We were very close, hung out like every weekend… until I was in the midst of a break up with my friend bf senior year in high school. Apparently she disagreed with me and the reason for the break up… and then she went on to date him and that was just the end of that. I moved on pretty quickly from that. He WAS a total asshole and I was starting college and making a new life/friends. I just felt sorry for her after knowing how he was to me.
The other was a college friend, a good friend of my college bf who I became close to as well. Then we met some other people, and she just totally changed her tune and was so fake to these new people and I just got more and more annoyed around her. I remember the last time I talked to her she was going on a trip, and we were still friendly. But we hugged and I wished her a good trip, then we just never contacted each other when she came back 2 weeks later and that was the end of that. We still saw each other since we were in the same circle, but didn’t really talk to or acknowledge each other. It was odd, but I was fine with it cause I couldn’t stand her anymore anyways. A little while later, I broke up with that bf (after 7 years, so about 6 years of friendship with this girl), and basically that entire circle (which sided with him, most of whom I wasn’t that close to anyways though). I moved on and made new friends and met my now DH. I have no issues with how anything went down and am totally happy with my life as it is now.
I’ve unfortuntaly had a falling out during college with one of my best high school friends (we are no longer in contact) and again with a good college friend (we are now facebook friends but don’t really talk). Looking back I might have tried to remedy the situations a bit more (these all happened in my late teens/early 20s). However, if you are no longer getting what you need to out of the friendship than it is not in your best interest to continue putting the time and effort in to it. To cope I really just turned to other friends and even got their opinion/insight on my behavior to see if I somehow contributed to the problem.
It feels horrible to lose a friend but when I look back on everything we’ve been through, I realize that I put a lot more into the friendship than she did and she never really was there for me in the first place. I am definitely glad this is all happening sooner than later and I still had time to find another bridesmaid. My FI’s cousin will be one instead and she’s genuinely excited for me and wants to help make our day perfect. I suppose I just need to focus on the people like her who really care and are there for us. I’m just having a hard time getting over this all for now though, but in time I think it will certainly get better and this will all just be a bad memory!
I’m currently in that situation unfortunately with my Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor. I dislike her fiance and she and her family have been very disrespectful to me through this whole process. The wedding is in two weeks and she’s ignoring any advance I make to communicate. So that’s great.
If you don’t think you are prepared to salvage your friendship currently, don’t do it. Not just for the wedding. Especially if you are still hurting from things she’s done to you. I had a friend that i hoped would always be my bridesmaid, I actually imagined her as Maid/Matron of Honor. We had a falling out, a big hurtful one, when we were 17. I tried to salvage that friendship at that point, but there was no fixing it. Now, 6 years later we’ve begun talking again. Things are on better terms. If it’s meant to work out, it will. But if you are still hurt and not ready to move on, or not too kean on being her friend anyway there is no sense in making yourself. Good luck <3
I sure did. Despite being warned how unbearable she was by everyone else, we became pretty good friends (well, I was the good friend – she, not so much). She was present at the proposal, so out of impulse I asked her to be my bridesmaid right then and there. Bad decision. Not that I thought it through beforehand…you probably know how the rest of the story goes. Yep, we had a falling out and I’m not looking back. It’s actually quite refreshing not having her (and her negativity) in my life. Now the only friends that are standing up with me on my wedding day are the ones who have been my true friends for years.
The topic ‘Have you ever had a falling out with a bridesmaid/close friend?’ is closed to new replies.