(Closed) Have you ever had a guy disappear because you didn't sleep with him?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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NotReadyToGiveUp:  Boo to this guy, sounds like he was more interested in sex than you.  You are better off without him!  

I don’t think you did anything wrong, but here are some ideas for next time anyway:

1) Maybe don’t have dates with a guy at your house (or his) if you aren’t interested in sex yet.  I think it might send a message about what to expect.

2) The thing with getting the friend involved was probably too much, maybe skip that step next time.  If the guy is not texting you back, just take it at face value.  I think it sends a strong message 

3) When your first seeing someone, I’d limit the # of dates per week.  Sounds like you had an evening and morning with him, then planned to do another date the next evening then another date the following day.  I think you need more space when you’re just dating.  For one thing, it’ll keep you from getting too attached before you know the person well, which can lead to a lot of heartbreak!  

Good luck bee!  

Post # 47
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

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NotReadyToGiveUp:  You dodged a bullet here. Any guy who can’t wait a couple months to get his stick dipped is a waste of time for a meaningful relationship. Bye Felicia.

Post # 48
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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cbgg:  totally agree with your #3

OP, maybe this is what turned him off a bit. Right after you reject him for sex and say you’ll only have sex after a month or 2, you have him spend the night, go out for breakfast the next morning, make plans for that night and the following day. That’s 4 dates planned back to back. Given that and the fact that you called him, left a voicemail, then text an hour later since you hadn’t heard from him yet. An hour is really not long enough to be sending a follow up tex too.

I think maybe it was all just too much for him. I’m still sorry this happened but at least you only wasted 2 weeks with him, not 2 months, 2 years…

Post # 50
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

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NotReadyToGiveUp:  Since your friend is the one who was bummed bc he didn’t want to see you get hurt and you clearly have a comfortable relationship where you feel at ease discussing private matters — sounds like he is the guy for you. Date him and forget the sex ghoster. 

Post # 52
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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NotReadyToGiveUp:  Even if he’s the one asking to make all those plans, I think it’s good to turn some of them down sometimes.  Mostly because you’ll get too attachced and won’t have time to see other people or do other things.  But honestly, it’s also good to not just be 100% available to someone you don’t know so well.  I think that kind of frequency is better saved for when he is your boyfriend officially.

Anyway, I’d say just call it a loss and try to move on.  You didn’t do anything wrong, it just didn’t work out.  The right guy will come along one day and when he does you won’t be asking any of these questions.  The “right” relationship always seems to end up being easy in that way.

Post # 53
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Yes I’ve had that happen. I had a guy actually get up from our dinner date, throw money on the table and leave. I had to call my sister to pick up me from the restaurant since he had picked me up and I didn’t have my car.

He said it was our 4th date and that he was making an exception because usually by date #3 the girl “has given it up” and he just wanted to make sure I was aware “it wasn’t fair to keep wasting his time by holding out.”

Classy fella…SO glad I didn’t have to wait until date #5 to figure he was a complete asshat!

Post # 54
Member
648 posts
Busy bee

Going at a bit of a tangent, I wouldn’t worry over a guy that left because I wouldn’t sleep with him, and equally I wouldn’t worry over a guy who left because I slept with him on the first (or whatever) date.  Women aren’t gatekeepers of male libido.  It’s not a man’s job to try and get sex and a woman’s job to keep him at bay.  I get immensley irritated by either, but there’s something especially creepy about a man who would say “oh I liked you more because you didn’t let me have sex”.

 

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