(Closed) Have you ever had an ex that you wondered…what if?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
697 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t felt this way recently, but after splitting from my ex  (we were engaged, he broke up with me, still don’t know why til this day, but at one point he wanted to get back together and I said no because I didn’t want to risk going through that again) about a year after, I wondered “what if I gave him a second chance” mainly because I had been single for almost 3 years at that point and just hadn’t met anyone, so I was very lonely. However literally about 2 months after feeling this way, I met my OH, and couldn’t be happier. So I guess in my case, if I followed my “what if” feeling, I probably would not be as happy as I am now.

Post # 3
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not an ex but a couple of people maybe I could have/should have pursued harder. But then again I love my Darling Husband and though our life ain’t perfect he’s stood by me in ways I can’t imagine anyone else doing. He’s my hero, my strength and my joy. So I am happy with my choice ultimately

Post # 4
Member
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have never wondered this. My exes are exes for a reason lol. But everyone is different. Are you in a relationship with someone else at the moment, or single? If you’re single, why not try reaching out to this ex? Maybe he’s having similar thoughts.

If you’re in a relationship…yikes. That is a horse of a different color. I think the occasional “what if” about an ex is not necessarily the end of the world while you’re in a relationship, but if it becomes an obsession, then you have a real problem and need to think carefully about whether you should end your current relationship.

Post # 5
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I left an ex in a pretty ugly way. I regret the ugly behavior I had om doing it, but not him and I strongly believe he was put in my life for a reason. 

For the longest time I felt like I regretted saying no to a future with him, but in reality, I was growing as an individual and that came with growing pains. What really occurred after years of pondering, is that I instinctively knew he wasn’t good for me and it just took my heart longer to catch up with the fact. I have forgiven myself for the transgression of my youth (I was a royal self absorbed bitch) and I tell myself I have matured and because of him I have learned the valuable lesson of true selfless love. 

He went on the sleep with my best friend at the time. They’re married now and I couldn’t be happier they’re out of my life. 

I’m marrying the man of my dreams and I thank God every day for him. As the wedding day approaches, I too am reflecting on my exes, more from a what have I learned so far in life kind of way. 

I hope you find peace bee.

Post # 8
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

princessforever77:  no problem 🙂 your post jumped out at me because I’ve been thinking about this lately. It’s been 4 years and like you, I made sure to apologize to him – for my own mental well being. 

After our last contact, I made sure to really work on my character and amazingly I met my Fi not long after! I entered into a new chapter of my life after closing that door for good. In a strange way, it felt like I had woken up a new person for the better. 

Getting married is a time of change, so of course I’m thinking back to when I last experienced a major shift in my reality. I’m trying really hard to not open up old scars but impress upon myself that I will be better than I was for not only my future husband but most importantly me. 

I hope you find solace and the strength to have a better tomorrow. Loneliness drove me to mistakes after my ex but it was a valuable teacher that got me to the person I am today. You are normal and I hope you can become a strong role model for your kiddos. 

Post # 9
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

I ended a 10 year relationship in the fall of 2013. I really loved him and he was my best friend, but we were very different and did not want the same things in life. I knew he would eventually marry me and we’d have kids, but only because he knew that was what I wanted in life. When I looked into the future I saw us fighting about money (he was terrible with money) and I would have to be the main bread winner, house keeper and child rearer. I just didn’t see that working so I made the hard decision to end it.

Now, two and a half years later and still single I somethings think what if. It’s possible we could have been happy, and I do miss him sometimes. We had a lot of funny inside jokes and I still think of those a lot and have nobody to share them with. I know I made the right choice though. I am meant to be with someone who wants all the things I want.

Post # 10
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

princessforever77:  Yes whenever I was feeling low in my future relationships I would think of him…one day I smartened up and got back together with him….and married him. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I dated a guy about a decade ago who I felt this way about… and sometimes still think the “what ifs”. We have some connections still, so I see him show up on my FB feed every once in awhile. He actually ended up marrying the girl he cheated on me with, and they’ve been married for almost 6 years now. I know they moved away, but just recently moved back for whatever reason. I was fine with them NOT living in town.

I know my life would be different had we stayed together, but I look back at everything I’ve done since our break up and am happy with it. I love the new people I’ve met, places I’ve been, experiences I’ve had, etc. Granted, I may have those things with him… but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

He may have been one that got away, but he would have dictated too much of what I could do, as he did then… so in the end, it was good that things didn’t work out.

He did, however, have an issue when Darling Husband and I started dating (long story – they knew each other, but I never knew Darling Husband until before we started dating)… so obviously this ex still had something with me that he cared that much. lol

Post # 13
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

yes but only because of how poorly I handled things with this one person. One person in particular is my childhood first love. By childhood I mean teenage years. He is also the person I lost my virginity to. We knew each other basically all through grade school and ended up dating in high school. He was genuinely a good person and really really loved me. I can say I genuinely loved him too but I freaked out and I broke up with him and dated someone else we had gone to school with. Problem was, I told him that I didn’t want a boyfriend at that time. So as it turns out, he and my new boyfriend shared a bus stop going to school. They got to talking and it came out that I was the new girlfriend. So my ex called me and asked me why I said I didn’t want a boyfriend when I was just going to turn around and date that other guy. My lovely response? “well… what I should have said was that I didn’t want YOU for a boyfriend anymore, not that I didn’t want one in general”…. yep…. I still cringe when I think of that. We still connect on social media and I have since apologized for how badly I hurt him and I will always feel so so terrible about how I treated him. He has flat out told me that had I stayed with him he would have gone to the ends of the earth to make me happy and he fully believes that had I felt differently back then we would have still been together. It’s terrible to know you hurt someone so badly. I was a total jerk back then. Ugh. And he’s still as sweet as can be. He owns a local pizza place now and even our whole neighborhood still loves him lol. I love my SO so much and know he’s my one but I guess sometimes I wish I had felt differently towards him. so my what if is more “what if my feelings had been the same as his?” I just didn’t have it for him like he did for me. bummer. 

Post # 14
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

Yes, I have done it a couple of times only to be clearly reminded that ex’s are ex’s for a REASON…lol

Post # 15
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I was engaged when I was young and held the “what if” too long. If we married we would have divorced pretty quickly. He is a great guy and I miss being his friend, but that is simply not possible. He now has a gorgeous wife, a kid and a very happy life. From what I saw on facebook. I married my best friend, an amazing man and a much better match. Things turn out for a reason. Miss him? yes. Glad we moved on? HUGE yes!

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