(Closed) Have you ever had sex on the first date? What are your views on it?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
342 posts
Helper bee

I had a one night stand once in my life (wouldn’t really consider that sex on the first date because there wasn’t really a date lol). I realized it’s not for me…but I had to experience it to know I never wanted to do it again! 

Do men lose respect for you? I guess it depends on the man…they don’t all think the same. 

Post # 3
389 posts
Helper bee

Never had sex on a first date personally. However, I have no bias or negative judgement against anyone who has. I think the lose respect thing is an older generation view because I think it is probably a lot more common in today’s internet and phone app meeting world to hook up casually. 

Post # 4
46 posts
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
kayla037 : I have slept with a couple of guys on first dates and it didn’t matter to them or myself, really. I wasn’t expecting it to matter, to be honest. I think it all depends on the moment in our life, the guy’s life, what you are looking for and the vibe of the date itself. 

I really don’t care and – frankly – if I slept with a guy on the first date and he didn’t call me later, that would be to me a sign that he isn’t really for me. If a guy’s understanding of morals and values relies on the woman’s denial of her wants and wishes, rather than her character, her kindness and her integrity, that’s not someone I’d want to go on a second date anyway… but that’s just me..

You will definitely encounter guys who would think less of a woman if she sleeps with him on the first date… but after your date, do you believe you are less worthy of love?! Was your integrity or your kindness or your generosity damaged?!

Just something to think about…


Post # 5
8486 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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kayla037 :  I never looked down on guys who put out on the first date. innocent

I used to have first-date sex all the time. I mean, not literally every time, but frequently. I liked sex and wasn’t into game playing. I don’t specifically recall any guys who lost interest after having sex, but if there were any, good riddance. Who needs that? Big caveat though, I was able to separate sex from emotions. Also, I was always dating multiple guys so if one turned out to be disrespectful or not what I thought he was, it was easy to let him go. If you are worried that having sex will cause an attachment and you’d put up with bullshit you might otherwise not put up with, it might be better to wait. Or if the guy ends up not calling and you feel bad about yourself rather than glad that you weeded out a sexist jackhole, might be better to wait. You know yourself best. 

Post # 6
1037 posts
Bumble bee

I slept with a couple of guys on the first date. I dated one for over a year after, dated another for a month and a half after, and chose to have t the others be one night stands (I realized the next day that I didn’t want to actually go out with the guy again). For me, sex isn’t necessarily intimate or emotional – it can be purely physical with no strings attached. I didn’t feel bad – it was what I, a grown woman – wanted. Of the guy thought less of me, I saw that as more a reflection of him than me. 

If you feel like sex is something to wait for, then listen to yourself and wait next time. If you’re fine with first date sex, go for it again. There’s no universal right answer. And your worth isn’t measured by your sexual history, so you do you. 

Post # 7
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think it’s fine for women to have sex on the first date. Women are allowed to enjoy sex for the sake of enjoying sex just like men are. I’ve had sex on the first date twice with mixed results.

In the first case he fell for someone else. We weren’t in a committed relationship and were both free to see other people, but I really liked him and it crushed me when he started to seriously see someone else. The second case resulted in us getting married so that worked out quite nicely.

I don’t think men who truly respect women in general will think less of them because they have sex on the first date. Only men who already don’t think much of women to begin with would sleep with a woman on the first date and think less of her, but hypocritically not think less of themselves.

Post # 8
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’ve not done it and also have no judgement to those that choose to do.

As for what men think all I can offer is what my husband has said in the past on the subject. He was quite the ahem ladies man before we started dated and seemed to classify women into two groups, the first group were women/ladies. These were the chicks who demanded a certain level of respect, you treated them like a lady and you certainly didn’t send them dick pics or try to put the moves on them on a first date. These were the girls who would eventually move on to the serious girlfriend stage. The second group were “girls”, the girls were the women who were interested in hooking up and used sexuality to persue men in hopes they could make it to the girlfriend stage. These women were never promoted past casual hook up/booty calls and they were not treated the same as the Ladies were treated. When he met women he would automatically gauge their personalities and divide them into one of the two groups and proceed in his actions and attitudes depending upon where the woman fell. Now every now and then one of the girls from group B would slip through and make it to girlfriend status. These relationships were usually extremely toxic and dysfunctional and he has no problem admitting he didn’t respect these girls so he treated them badly. I know some of the girls he hooked up with and they remain friends which makes me tend to believe he wasn’t too terrible to them or I doubt they would still have any affection towards him. 

As you can probably guess I fell into the first group when he met me. Actually, to hear him tell it, he claims to have known immediately he wanted to marry me and he “planned” everything to make sure that happened.

As a PP said, all men are different. My husband was by no means a gentleman in the past but he’s always been honest about exactly who and what he was during that time of his life and takes ownership for his actions. So take all this with a grain of salt! 

Post # 9
5053 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
kayla037 :  No I don’t think that It’s true at all.

Someone posted a thread a few weeks ago with a poll about how long it took a bee to sleep with their fiancé/SO/DH. I think about 25% of the bees that answered had slept with their partner on the first date without it being an issue and had gone on to have a long successful relationship.

I admit that me an hubby slept together on our first date. It was completely out of character for either of us. Neither of us had ever had a one night stand or had never had sex with anyone we were not dating exclusively  We are actually both pretty conservative people regarding sexual relationships but somehow we ended up in bed on our first date.

Some guys may judge and make assumptions but I say they are probably not good guys because what decent guy judges someone else for behavior they themselves participated in and who sleeps with someone they have a low opinion of?

Relationships should be easy, especially from the beginning. If its too much bullshit, drama, mind games its not right. This guy you slept with was not the guy for you. 

I do suggest if sex makes things more complicated and it causes you to develop false feelings then avoid intimacy with someone until your head decides that you have genuine feelings. 


Post # 10
127 posts
Blushing bee

Ive done it once, with my current SO/FI 5 years ago. It was the first time I had done anything like that and we both had a great time and knew we had a connection so we became serious pretty fast. However he did admit to me (years later) that me sleeping with him on the first date, while great, kind of made him think “less” of me momentarily, which I felt really sad about. I didn’t think less of him for it, and it was a mutual thing we decided to do together. Hate the double standard. It however didn’t impede our relationship to develop into what it is today so *shrugs* idk. 

Post # 11
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’ve only done it once. I went skydiving with a guy I met at a friend’s birthday a few weeks prior.   After going skydiving we went out for drinks, and then one thing led to another.

i think he wanted it to be more than it was, because he was leaving a few days later to move to another province and wanted to see me again before he left, I decided I didn’t like him enough to pursue anything with him and left it at that. I think the excitement and adrenaline from skydiving kind of made me have some sort of “feelings” that weren’t actually present. 

As for guys judging/ “losing respect”, I don’t think that’s a thing but I do think slomotion summed it up well. I think maybe it’s the competitive nature that’s ingrained in us, but I think some people enjoy “working” for someone that might be “harder to get”. That’s not to say guys will never want relationships with girls they hook up with quickly, because obviously many people have had one night stands that have blossomed into incredible, long term relationships and marriages. but I do think some people are more likely to want to pursue relationships they may view as more challenging (and therefore maybe see them as more rewarding?)

Post # 12
8514 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

No, but the last thing on earth I care about is what other people do with their privates, so zero judgment here.

Post # 13
3383 posts
Sugar bee

Have you ever had sex on the first date? – yes

what are your views on it? – YOLO

Post # 14
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013


We’re married now. 

Post # 15
14 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

Regarding your qiuestion, “Do you think men ‘lose respect’ for women who do this? Even though it takes two to tango.”

I reply:  Probably not.  If the guy goes for it on the first date, he basically doesn’t respect you all that much in the first place.  On the other hand, if the female initiates (unzipping his jeans or telling him you want to see his bedroom qualifies as initiating), the guy just considers himself lucky, but ONLY IF he thinks he is special in that regard, and won’t lose any respect for you.  If he has good reason to believe that you do this will all the boys, then that’s another story entirely.  In this latter scenario, your already established reputation matters big time.  If somebody fills him in on your history of bedding four first dates in the past year (plus that guy you hooked up with at a party), he will put you in “that” category.  And obviously, if he doesn’t really know you at all (like he is a match.com first date), he might think the worst of you.  

Yes, it does take two to tango.  While guys don’t think you are trash if they think you are that girl who beds pretty much any guy that catches her eye, they won’t think of you as a “keeper,” either.  I think the latter is what you were talking about wtih this question. 

Remember, guys want a woman who is is proper and virtuous in every aspect of her sexuality, EXCEPT that she is a total slut with him only.  That’s why guys still have that double standard, it’s hardwired into their brains.  A guy loves it when his girlfriend takes him into a bedroom at a party, locks the door, and gives him a blowjob, but the thought of her doing that she used to do the very same thing with her last boyfriend upsets him.   It’s why a virgin woman is very attractive to most guys who are looking for a relationship, whereas most women really could care less if that 25 year old guy she just met is still carrying around his V-card (and many women actually prefer that he not be a virgin).

I know a guy who lost his virginity on a first date.  He was estatic. Then he found out a couple of weeks later that his crush had a reputation of being the “go to” girl in the neighborhood — she was 18 and still lived in the neighborhood where she grew up — whenever a guy between the age of 14 to 30 wanted to get laid, and that easily 20 different penises had been in her vagina in the past year, he wanted nothing to do with her anymore.  He said he didn’t ask if she was a virgin before they did it, and even sort of though maybe she wasn’t given that she seemed to know what she was doing and provided a little guidance, but when he later found out she would do it with just about any guy that wanted it, that did change his attitude about her in a major way. 

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