(Closed) Have you ever had someone insult your wedding? :(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My boss turned her nose up at my wedding (I said I was not having any flowers just bulk candles, that we are only having 50 people and we dont have a live band). My FI’s grandma has also made a fuss about some things (ie she doesnt want anyone wearing black, she is confused because I dont want a bridal shower and she doesnt like that I am not wearing a veil). But one person is my boss, I can easily ignore her and the other is 80 years old so it was kind of expected!… friends are different. I could never imagine a friend making those remarks! They sound jealous

Post # 33
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Yep, it’s just one of those things. My own mother (whom I have an excellent relationship with) doesn’t understand why my wedding is going to cost what it is. We have the money at our disposal and aren’t going to be borrowing or putting anything on credit. So I can’t see the problem with it. We can go nuts with it if we wanted to, but I still have a wedding budget that I’ve set for myself, for each item, because I just don’t want to spend more than X amount on flowers and X amount on shoes etc and if we end up spending less than what we’ve allocated per item, then great, we’ll just put it into our savings account. So she knows I’m not going nuts with it. But she still can’t see past the fact that her dress cost just $50.00 and they went to an office. That’s simply what they wanted. 

Im not sure what the national average is in the US etc but here in NZ the average for weddings is NZ$15000-20000. To my mum, NZ$5000 is too much. Our wedding budget is NZ$45000 and it’s everything we want for the big day and it includes what we want to spend on our honeymoon. We own our own home without mortgage, have our own successful businesses etc so I don’t see the harm.

The other complaint we receive is why we are engaged for so long, why don’t we “just get it over with.” I find that sentiment quite ridiculous, because I don’t think a wedding is something you just “get on with” – instead, it’s actually a day of significance. Plus the fact that I am only 23 and Fiance has just turned 25, it’s hardly like we are pressed for time. But more importantly, the date we have picked has great significance to us – it’s FI’s late mothers birthday and as its a destination wedding (it’s where we met), we wanted a Saturday wedding and 2013 is the next time FI’s mothers birthday falls on a Saturday. That seems to shut most people up.

But of course, there’s still those people who say “well, if it’s so far away, why are you bothering about planning it now?” I got asked that just yesterday actually and the wedding is next year. My answer is simply: Venues and vendors book out quickly and I’m entitled to be excited about being engaged and getting married.

Well done for holding your dignity on being asked about the plate cost tho! I think I’d have lost my rag on that one!!

Post # 34
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

How much are you paying per plate? Haha, just kidding. The only people who have asked me that are my friends who are also planning. I was just thinking the other day “why are we having a wedding when no one cares and right now we hate everyone!” we don’t really hate everyone but people are definitely throwing digs out left and right… And making us question why we like them lol.I think it must be lack of common sense and jealously. 

We have a wedding color, just black… Not black and white. We will be having white flowers but everything else will be black. It’s not gothic at all, we are having lots of candles and clear glassware, I love it but people freak out that we are not having two colors. They are like “what do you mean?” 

Post # 36
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve had people insult my wedding b/c I didn’t have it in a church, I didn’t invite children, and I had the ceremony and reception in the same location. Most of these–let’s call them “assholes”– were rude old folks who were very narrow minded and only believed marriage was vaild if done in a church, and that you should only get married if you plan to have kids. Psssht. 

I had a potential florist call my wedding seating arrangement “tacky”. He was not hired. 

I think wedding insults happen to pretty much every bride. It’s unfortunate, but it’s really sad for the people that have to stoop so low to insult your wedding choices. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to come–but who said that they’d even be invited in the first place. 

Post # 37
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

We’re doing a courthouse ceremony now, but before that decision, we were seriously thinking of a barn wedding. That was criticized by soo many people! So don’t worry! No matter what you plan, people will ALWAYS have an opinion. :/ 

Post # 38
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

My cousin had a barn wedding (she and her fiance met while horseback riding so it was special to them) and oh boy was it criticized.  Also in the smear campaign was her choice of date (New Years Day) the location (near her and her now husband’s home out of state instead of in her childhood hometown where the rest of my cousins live and got marred) the dress code (jeans) and on and on and on.  Her response was always the same:  haters gonna hate, followed by a little “haters gonna hate” dance.  She’s my favorite cousin :P.

I think we all kind of accept that our families will always have “strong opinions” (read: bitchy comments) about our wedding day, but I’m kind of shocked that your friends are saying stuff like that.  I agree with the other posters, it’s time to get new friends.  

Post # 39
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh wow! Those are some REALLY harsh things to say to somebody! You keeping your mouth shut about the details is your best bet! People will ALWAYS have something to say whether good or bad, so I choose who I tell things and what I say to people. I have certain people that I can talk to about the guestlist but NOT about the cost, and vice versa. At the end of the day the only people that need to  know EVERY single detail is your Fiance and your planner if you have one. Everyone else is not mandatory. I’m learning this too, lol!

Post # 40
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had a smiliar experience to @wildcatjack, unfortunately, this happened with one of my bridesmaids.  She and her husband eloped shortly after I asked her to be a bridesmaid and from then on, every time I tried to talk to her about my wedding she had the most negative comments!  Basically she considered anything other than an elopment or a small, local ceremony to be “selfish”, “costly”, and “pointless”.  She mentioned several times to me how rude it was to ask a bunch of people to fly out and spend a bunch of money and then barely spend any time with them that weekend.

In the end, she asked to step down from being a bridesmaid (she lived out of state and cost was a big factor) and will not be attending our wedding.  I’m hoping we can mend our friendship one day, but honestly it just feels like our weddings emphasized how much we’ve grown apart since college.

Post # 41
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have had people say that my wedding sounds cheap because we were having a barn wedding and serving BBQ. We are in TX, so it’s really not that uncommon to have BBQ at a wedding as an affordable option. I had someone tell me that they were surprised I would do my weddng at a barn because it wasn’t very nice at all. I don’t know, we actually went to a wedding at that venue and fell in love with it. It was such a perfect wedding. Well, we cancelled that because of all of the terrible responses we were getting and are now doing a Destination Wedding. Well, no kids are invited and we are getting a lot of flack for that. It’s not in the church, so we are getting some negativity for that. We have been told we are crazy, inconsiderate, and on and on.Why aren’t we inviting these people or those people (Uh, because we don’t know them and are having a small wedding)!!

Our wedding is a few months away, and we are still getting a little bit of negativity from people, but for the most part I think people have accepted it. I don’t really understand why everyone else cares so much about what others are doing for their wedding. I have been to many weddings and am not critical of them. I have never thouht that someone’s wedding was cheap or anything like that. I have always gone with happiness for the couple who is getting married! That’s what it’s about. I can’t imagine people sitting through your wedding and bad mouthing it. I would suggest being prepared for it, but don’t let it ruin you and your honey’s day. Good luck!

Post # 42
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yeah, it’s rough. When I was planning mine, I was on the phone with a Bridesmaid or Best Man telling her I’d booked something or other. Her BF was with her and she mentioned to him that there was no dancing or alcohol. He responded, “Who does that?” and I could hear. She responded, “someone who doesn’t have a lot of money.” I ended the phone conversation, and later had to explain to her that I chose a simple reception because my DH and I are very simple and low-key people who don’t like much attention. Not because I had a small budget.

Post # 43
Member
9814 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yeah, I can never figure out why people seem to care so much other people’s choices and bring negativity to decisions that have absolutely nothing to do with them. So weird!

Post # 44
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I too agree with all the previous posters……My favorite line comes to mind when people insists on giving their unwanted opinions….

“Opinions are like a$$holes….everybody has one…..” I like to add…

“And most of them stink!!”

Enjoy your day with your honey….unless the person that i giving the opinion is opening their checkbook….tell them their opinion is neither desired or required 🙂

Post # 45
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

People are extremely rude, I’m sorry to say.  I heard the strangest comments my first wedding (which I never brought up myself, only answered questions from people so I didn’t bore anyone who wasn’t interested…since it was my big day and not theirs I didn’t expect them to care) about the flowers, my rings, the color of my dress (ivory and not white), etc.  It was ridiculous.  I found it was easiest to say ‘It’s great you have so many ideas, when you plan your wedding it will be so easy!’ or to those that were already married (which were far less common) I’d nicely ask ‘Oh, you like roses better?  Why didn’t you use them in your bouquets?’ or whatever.  Might be taken as ‘snippy’, but IMO so is judging someone else’s choice of anything.  

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