(Closed) Have you ever had to walk away?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever had to walk?
    Yes : (17 votes)
    34 %
    No : (27 votes)
    54 %
    I'm debating doing so right now : (6 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4524 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @carebee:  I havent, but I know people who had all the signs they should and then didnt.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @carebee:  I haven’t. This is my second engagement, so it seems I just walk away before the wedding πŸ˜› Seriously though, if I have a commitment of the heart from someone, I don’t need a wedding. Nagging, whining, and pressuring someone won’t help (that will make him want to marry you less), and who wants to marry someone who they had to force into it? I don’t know. I am baffled by this waiting concept. If I’m happy and the relationship is going well, why would I leave?

    Post # 5
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee

    @badabing88:  This!

    My relationship with my current SO is the first where marriage is being seriously discussed.

    I always feel so sad when bees have to get to the point where they have to walk away. However, I am so proud of them for respecting themselves enough to know that it’s not working and that they need to leave because he will never give them what they want!

    Post # 6
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee

    @BoxerLady:  I think that realistically, if marriage is important enough to a woman that she’d consider walking then she needs to never settle for just a lifelong commitment with no wedding. It would only breed eventual resentment.

    I’ve seen some girls who had their hearts set on getting married only to learn their partner is not interested and then they try to rationalize it. I always wonder if 10 years down the road when the majority of their friends are married whether she’ll be honestly able to say that she is still OK with her decision.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Oh yes.  In fact, we broke up, and he said to me when he wanted to get back together “you know, I want to get married and blah blah blah.”

     

    Another 4 months go by after our initial split, and he let it drop that he said that “because that’s what you wanted to hear.”

     

    I mean, besides from being a giant prick, that was going nowhere fast.  Especially because he was the one who even brought up marriage in the first place.  Helllo headcase.  We broke up probably a week later after 2 1/2 years together.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @FEDORAble:  Yeah, that’s why I said for me personally. A wedding won’t suddenly make your relationship better. People get divorced, they cheat, all kinds of awful things happened whether you’re married on not. I’m not fussed about a wedding, I just want a strong relationship with the man I intend to spend my life with πŸ™‚ My day to day life won’t change after having my ceremony. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee

    @BoxerLady:  Haha, classic case of me reading it wrong! πŸ™‚

    I personally am on the same page as you. The man I’m with is one in a million and I wouldn’t just up and leave. A good friend from elementary school her parents never married and they have an incredibly strong, loving relationship (versus my parents who are married and miserable).

    Marriage doesn’t ever solve problems and I always worry when I hear someone say “Oh they’ll change such and such after we marry” 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2132 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    @BoxerLady:  I understand where you are coming from regarding the nagging part…But are you saying that marriage or a wedding is not necessary for you? If it’s a wedding, I understand, but if you are saying a marriage is not necessary can you explain your view a little bit more?

    Post # 11
    Member
    1059 posts
    Bumble bee

    I walked a few weeks ago, after waiting and hoping and talking etc. with nothing happening for about a year, despite him being the one to bring it up and stuff when we started dating. It was a really hard decision to make, but being from different countries and such, and living in countries other than our own, I didn’t want to deal with a whole bunch of complications that comes with that. Plus, marriage is important to me – I know it isn’t a guarantee, but the official/legal/formal commitment matters.

    I’m doing much better than I thought I would, I have to say. It was really hard at first, and easier for my SO it seemed, but now things seem to be reversed. I think on some level he maybe still feels like he can get me back if he proposes, but I don’t know. I think our relationship sustained too much damage from the uncertainty/him letting me walk/etc.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @MrsWe:  Sure πŸ™‚ Both marriage and a wedding are unnecessary for me. My Fiance loves the idea of a weddingmoon and writing our own vows. I didn’t feel strongly about marriage either way, so I decided to go with what made him happy. For me, being common law is enough. Sometimes marriage can change things for the worse or put unrealistic expectations on a relationship, i.e. he will change now that we are married and things of that nature.

    I firmly believe if it’s not broken, don’t fix it. I love my relationship exactly as it is – I never doubt my FI’s commitment to me, he always puts me first, and we have a strong family unit. Whether we are married or not, he is commited to me and he is my life partner. Marriage won’t make that stronger or weaker for me. What more could I ask for?

    I personally don’t see any value that will be added after we sign a marriage license…Our relationship won’t change (or at least it better not!). We’ve talked about it a lot, and he promises everything will be the same, he just wants the weddingmoon experience with me. When we first met, I said I didn’t want to get married and three months later, I had a ring πŸ˜› Funny how that works, lol.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2376 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Oddly enough, I’ve been the one to walk, but for the opposite reason.  My ex-bf was ready for marriage, kids, house in the suburbs with a picket fence, the whole deal.  I hate children, I dislike the suburbs and I wasn’t ready for marriage at that point in my life.  I knew that there was no way for us to both be happy, so I left once he started really pushing marriage.  It worked out, he ended up finding a woman who wanted the kids, the picket fence and all that.  And I found my fellow child hating, city loving fiance.

    Post # 14
    Member
    377 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @carebee:  I have never been in a relationship serious enough for marriage until this one however i have had other bfs in the past wanting to marry me and i had to walk away because they were not right for me and we had only been dating a few months. It was awkward to say the least! With Fiance we both knew it was going to happen there was no dangling of anything we both had the same timeline and got engaged when the time was right =] 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2132 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    @BoxerLady:  

    Okay so common law was good enough for you, which is marriage.

    I would just get worried that if something was to happen to either of us we wouldn’t have any rights under the law, if we were not married, and since we are partners and best friends we would want one another to have those rights…

    Hopefully making those vows won’t change a person for the worse, which is a legitimate fear I guess. At some point in my life I felt similar but after I met my SO all those fears dissipated. He gave me hope in love and marriage, I know things won’t be perfect all the time and our marriage will encounter peaks and valleys, but that’s what comes along with just  living life in general. Thanks for taking the time to explain your view to me πŸ™‚

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @MrsWe:  Oh, yes, common law is absolutely necessary. I couldn’t live separately from my life partner, so whether we wanted to be common law or not, we became that way after a year, lol. I have a will where he is named (and vice versa) and we are each other’s beneficiaries for everything. I understand what you mean about legal rights though. Marriage isn’t all romance – there is a business behind it at the very core. It is a legal agreement, that just happens to be made because of love πŸ™‚  

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