(Closed) Have you ever heard the first year of marriage is the WORST!?

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My dad even told me the first year was the hardest. Note hardest not worst ๐Ÿ˜‰ Truly, even though we’ve lived together for ages, we’ve settled into our routines, yes, this has been a hard year for us. I think it’s because we’re trying to make a lot of big decisions about what we want next out of life, what steps to take, where to take them, it’s been very stressful. Sure, we’ve been through a hell of a lot worse (trust me) but when you’re talking about decisions that impact your husband and future children, there’s a whole new depth of meaning and it can be really stressful.

However it’s also very exciting! We’re making plans about our future together and as stressful as it may be, the end of it is that we’re building something and trying to make decisions for our family which is pretty awesome! I think we’re over the hump now and just trying to sort out the answer that’s right for us.

Post # 18
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve definitely heard that, too.  We’re almost 5 months in and haven’t had a hard time at all.  As previous posters have mentioned, I think it’s harder when you have more changes to adjust to.  We lived together for 3 years before we got married, bought our first house 2 years prior to getting married and we actually worked together for 2 years prior to getting married as well.  We dated for 5 years before we got engaged and I think we had already been through all of the ‘growing pains’ together. 

Post # 19
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest and I’m pretty sure it comes from back in the day when people didn’t live together before marriage.

However, I did find our first year together difficult. We had a move across the state in order for me to find a job. We also moved away from my family and friends and closer to his. Plus we both had taken crazy jobs that we hated which made us extra stressed and unhappy. However, once we got settled and got different jobs it got a whole lot better. I think it was a lot of adjustment and changes and the stress of our jobs that made it so difficult. Had we stayed put and kept things the same as before we were married we wouldn’t have been so stressed.

Post # 20
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We just had our 3rd anniversary and we had 3 difficult years as a start (our legal wedding was in 2008). My husband joined the military right before we got married, we had our son (who I love more than anything but was not planned) right while I was in the middle of university, and this past year all 3 of us lived 3 hours apart each while I finished school. Now we are all back on base together and looking at day care costs while I hopefully get enough substitute teaching jobs to start to pay my school debt and our other debt. We both want off base so badly and to get our own house. It has definitely been a crazy stressfull 3 years – but I figure if we can make it through this – then we can make it through anything! I guess it helps that we have been friends since we were 14/15 years old ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 21
Member
4980 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have never heard this, I have heard the first 7 years makes or breaks a marriage. We are almost 3 months in and I think it has been a lot easier. Even with me being pregnant with our first child

 

Post # 22
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@marriedtoagreatman: “Oh he also has a child he has nothing to do with and has denied it since before birth.”

Is he my ex-husband? ๐Ÿ˜‰  

Seriously though, yes, I’ve heard this.  I think it’s more apt to say the first year you move in together is the hardest, though.  Because you have to get used to each other’s habits (good and bad).  (add in kids and different parenting techniques and it’s even more difficult, lol).  

Was our first year together difficult?  Yes.  Would it have been LESS difficult had there been less outside-interference?  MOST DEFINITELY.  Things have since calmed down and we’re back to normal (despite all the freaking stress in our lives. ugh).

Post # 23
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

Well, we’re only two months in so we aren’t there yet. We lived together for 6 months before the wedding – which wasn’t really difficult, but just more of an adjustment. So far, married life has been great – not really much different than dating life.

I imagine when we start getting into decisions such as when we want to have kids, buy a house, etc., it might be more challenging – not necessarily hard.

Honestly, the hardest part of our relationship was all the summers + couple semesters we spent apart. DH is not much of a phone person so when I’m desparate to just hear his voice and hear him talk, and he wanted to play games or do something else, there was a lot of frustration and some tears.

Having a webcam probably did a lot to help our relationship!

Post # 24
Member
12340 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I havent heard this, but I saw an article recently about how 7 yrs seems to be the highest rate of divorce because of the stress of children, the lack of attention to each other, and other things, and the realtionship finally reaches a point of stress that they say its changed too much and they’ve fallen out of love.

Post # 25
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have heard of that, but I think its mostly the older people that say that. I think it comes from them not living together before they are married. Then right after the stress of the wedding they are finding out how to live together etc for the first time. I can see that causing an issue I guess, but all of my newlywed friends are still in their happy honeymood lovey phase still after their one year anniversary. ๐Ÿ™‚ Its really great to see!!

Post # 26
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I heard that too. While our year sucked, it had nothing to do with our relationship. My husband got really sick and had to have major surgery and I had a pretty awful misscarriage. But getting through all of that helped our relationship get stronger!

Our second year has been much better for us so far. We had a baby girl and bought a house! We are struggling with money due to all of that… but trying hard not to let it stress us out.

Post # 27
Member
8246 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve always heard that the first year is the hardest but I don’t buy a word of it!  (And we’ve been married for over a year now so I speak from experience).  We lived together for 3 months before getting married so we certainly weren’t fully settled into that yet either.

DH even wrote in my anniversary card that “If the first year is supposed to be the hardest, [he] can’t wait to see what our future years together will bring.”

Post # 28
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s been a crazy hard year for us, but that’s pretty much because I’ve been looking for a full-time job since right after the wedding and it’s taken a big toll on me.

Post # 29
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think its what you make it. But then Fiance and I have been living together for over a year now. Even that wasnt hard, I expected it take some adjustment etc but we just kinda moved in and it all just flowed….I think we just automatically made any adjustments without it being too complicated or difficult. But I am expecting our first year to be a little more…challenging? Im going back to college a week after we get married,and we will be down to one income which I can imagine will be stressful for us.I`ll let you know in a year or so lol!

Post # 30
Member
3441 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It definetly has not been the worst year and I loved it but I was definetly harder. DH and I bought a house right before the wedding so we had to adjust to being homeowners and dealing with all of the unexpected maintenance as well as learning to balance our relationship, work, and our household duties. It was an adjustment and growing experience for us but I turned out to be a great year. I don’t think any year is going to be easy. There are always going to be changes and adjustments that need to be made but I hope there isn’t a year that I think is the worst.

Post # 31
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm, I don’t know. I know everyone says that is more directed toward people who don’t live together before marriage, but we did not live together and we’re doing great so far. ๐Ÿ™‚

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