(Closed) Have you ever heard the first year of marriage is the WORST!?

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m just starting out my first year now. And so far it’s been good. DH and I are very understanding and laid-back so a lot of things that may bother some people do not even exist as any kind of problem in our relationship.

My SIL, on the other hand, she’s just married my bro-in-law less than 1 year ago. She’s been independent for the longest time and now all of a sudden she has to live with a Mother In Law [from hell] and her 1st year is obviously going to be VERY DIFFICULT. And it’s not even so much her DH and her arguing/fighting, etc., but a lot of crap is being fueled by the Mother-In-Law. There is really nowhere else the Mother-In-Law can go. Her DH was sort of a mama’s boy for along time. He’s breaking out of that shell but the process is very slow and painful. And his mom makes sure it is painful. Lol. That is contributing to a problem ‘1st year’ for them. Frown

Post # 33
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee

I think it’s all relative to personality and life situations.

Some people fine adjusting to the commitment overwhelming.  Others do just fine with it.

I think there will all be harder years in marriage than others… and ones where we are super blissful and others where we want to run in the other direction.  I think it’s all part of how marriage (and life) ebbs and flows.

Thankfully, we have not had a difficult first year in our relationship – but, much like our engagement, have had trouble adjusting to some family relationships (as they adjust to us).  That’s been the most trying thing – but, gratefully, has brought us closer together.

Post # 34
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

i have heard that too, but we had a great year as well! lots of change with new (lower paying) jobs, so that added stress, but we got through it very well. we didn’t live together before, so that was an adjustment, but i think we’ve argued less since being married. i agree with PPs that said if the first year is the hardest, then we’ve got a great marriage ahead!

Post # 35
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it depends if you lived together before or not.  If so, you probably already went through the adjustment phase.

Post # 36
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I never heard that.. and for me at least i doubt its true… we have been together for nearly 7 years… If I have made it though 7 years with the guy, then I Know I can make it the rest of my life 🙂

Post # 37
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I heard this too, so I was bracing for the worst. We certainly had some trying times but all in all it was a wonderful year – better than we could have imagined! And we didn’t live together before we got married so I don’t think that is always what it has to do with.

Post # 38
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

we have definitely had our ups and downs, but we have learned that our love is super strong and can get us through anything. I do think it can be true for some couples, even if you have lived together before. 

Post # 39
Member
3793 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think a lot of people do a lot more marriage prep now and know each other longer and wait longer prior to getting married… So I heard this alot in my parents’ generation, but it doesn’t seem to be so true now… Probably due to demographic changes.

Post # 40
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Being married doesn’t feel any different to me and we are coming up on our one year wedding anniversary next week. It all depends on the couple, how well they know each other, and where they are in life. DH and I lived together before getting married. Also, we’re older (30+), established in careers, and financially stable. While this year has had it’s share of ups and downs, I have to say it’s been a really great year. 🙂

Post # 41
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

@Mrs. DG: So true! Even though we didn’t live together prior to marriage, we dated for just over six years…I’d say we knew each other pretty well!

And ladies, I think we should all be super thankful that this adage doesn’t apply to us!

Post # 42
Member
693 posts
Busy bee

I have heard of that… I think we fought more before the wedding lol due to stress planning and money issues. Now we are pretty good… i know i got really upset a few months ago because we have been TTC and have been unsuccessful. but its nothing we can control i guess… so i let it be

Post # 43
Member
2223 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s a bit of an urban legend. No one knows where or how it started but everyone seems to know about it. Just because you have alligators in your sewer doesn’t mean everyone does. Everything in life is really what you make of it and for some it’s gonna be hard and for some it will be a breeze, all depending on their backgrounds, personalities, etc.

But I have wondered if living together before marriage does help with that post-marriage adjustment. I’ve been living with my guy for a year now and it’s taken us a long time to get the house machine clicking along smoothly. It’s not because our relationship had trouble, it’s just that natural adjustment anyone encounters when you throw another person in the mix. It was the same when I had a roommate a few years back. My guess is maybe the marriage doesn’t play such a large role in the difficulty of the first year. Maybe it’s simply that natural adjustment to having someone always in your business and knowing you have to be nice to them cause at the end of the night you have to share a bed with them. 🙂

Post # 44
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This little saying was a LOT more relevant back when people used to get married young and move straight out of their parents’ home into their first home immediately following the wedding. Lots of change and adjustment at a much younger age. Now, people are living together and combining finances and lives way before they get married, and they’re typically older than 18-20 when they do it, which eases the growing pains a lot as well. Honestly, if you’ve already lived together for awhile, I can’t imagine why the first year would be any harder than any other year of your relationship. It honestly feels no different to me. 

Post # 45
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know I already piped in, but I just want to say for any brides-to-be on here who don’t live with their Fiance and are worried about a horrible first year – we didn’t live together and we only were together about a year and a half before we got married. We also have very different living styles, personalities, all that jazz. It hasn’t been 100% butterflies and rainbows, as nothing is, but you don’t have to live together before you get married to make the first year a joy. It absolutely was for us and our marraige keeps getting better. If you are having problems, that’s normal of course, but it doesn’t have to be because it’s “the first year” – it just means you have room to grow your relationship.

Post # 46
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My friend confided that her and her partner had never fought so much as since they were married, like all the time. I know it was getting her down, but now they are having a baby and all seems well! I don’t think it applies to everyone, but in their case I think she in particular, had unrealistic expectations of what married life was like. They lived together before getting engaged and it nearly broke them up- rows over chores, cooking etc and both moved in with her mother. With mum doing all of the chores it seemed to take all that away. Then they got their own place after the wedding- so that’s also probably a factor. I’m still hoping for wedded bliss lol

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