(Closed) Have you ever lived somewhere long term for you S.O.'s job that you don't like?

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My Fiance got relocated to a major city very early on in our relationship (about 4 months in) and I moved with him. It was about a 3 hour drive from our hometown. I was the same as you. I didn’t really like it, were from a small beach town and I missed the comfort of knowing everyone. I couldn’t ride my bike down to water and that was a daily routine for me. He traveled for work and I’m a cake decorator so I worked alone in a kitchen for 8 hours – not many options for making friends and he traveled alone as well. So needless to say, our relationship became so strong because we only had each other. We had a weekly date night where we went to a new bar and restaurant every time. We made our own fun and eventually became friends with a few neighbors that we would go out with (our neighbors were around our age). Fortunately, my Fiance missed the comfort of our small town just as much and we moved back home (his job was very supportive so he still works with them) after two years. 

Post # 3
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m glad I’m not the only one! I also moved to a college town in the midwest (please tell me you’re in Lawrence, KS–let’s be friends!) from New England for my fiance’s job around five months into the relationship, and I think the hardest part is that it seems like everyone here is a college student or they have ten-year-old kids if they’re our age (late 20s/early 30s). A lot of people here are stay-at-home moms, and I can’t really identify with that, so it’s hard to find things in common with people. (No judgment on any of that–it’s just not my life.) I’ve lived other places before, but it’s much smaller than where I’d want to live ideally, so I feel really constricted by what’s available socially. I also just don’t like the town. It seems like it would be really awesome to be a college student here, but if you’ve been anywhere else in the US–meh. Plus, I teach, so I’m in the same boat as kansascity (where’s the beach, KC? I miss it too!) where I don’t have a whole lot of adult contact at work, so I feel like I overwhelm my fiance with chitchat when he gets home because I’m so starved for human interaction.

I spent a lot of time trying to make friends when I first got here. I took art classes, joined a gym, and did some volunteer work, but most of the people I met were retirees who weren’t exactly looking to hang out with a person like me.

I just have to keep telling myself that it’s not permanent, and that eventually we’ll have kids and we’ll get to meet people that way. In the meantime, I’m really focusing on my hobbies. I’ll probably never have this much time to read, knit, sew, play the piano, etc. ever again. It’s been three years, and I do have a few friends here. I just miss having really close friends I could call at any time of day or night. And at least with very few fun things to do here, we’ve been able to save lots of money to have an awesome wedding.

Post # 4
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - City, State

DH decided to go to Stanford for grad school, so I knew moving from So.Cal (family, friends, hometown) was going to be hard. And it has been. I haven’t really made any friends in the last 3 years that I’ve lived in the Bay Area. Mostly because of how busy I am!  But I tried my best to stay positive because this was supposed to be temporary, and then move back down when he was done.

But, he was recently offered a full time position at a tech company, and it made sense for him to accept it. So now, it seems we are going to be up here permanantly. 

I guess what really hurts is that when we expand our family, I won’t have any friends or family in the Area.

Post # 5
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
monkey84 :  I’m not in your same situation, but similar. My Fiance got relocated with his job – we are also in the midwest and are right outside of a somewhat big city. I work for a university back in our old town (also in the midwest), and they are allowing me to telecommute, so I’ve had no way of meeting anyone yet. We’ve been here for a month and I’m already missing my friends so much. I don’t have any advice, really.. but I feel your pain!

Post # 6
Member
2956 posts
Sugar bee

I moved my husband’s job. I actually like the town and the area. However, I work from home, whereas my husband works with a bunch of his friends. It was rough for the first six months. I knew nobody and my husband didn’t really understand what it was like for me – sort of thought it was nothing when he’d be gone all day golfing with his buds while I sat at home with nobody to talk to. I felt ditched, he felt like my lonliness wasn’t his issue. After a lot of communication, we figured it out. I also take fitness classes and joined a book club to meet people.  I still only have 1 or 2 local friends, 3 years later, but things are much better. It probably took about 6 months to a 1 for it to really improve.

Post # 7
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We recently moved to a new state for my husband’s PhD program. We will absolutly be moving when he finishes – both because we’ll have to for him to find a job and because neither of us are super huge fans of our current city. We haven’t made a lot of friends since moving here in August but we’ve made a couple and I had a really hard time finding a job but thankfully have something lined up to start in August. Oh and it doesn’t help that my best friend is now moving from close by to the state we just moved away from! Being closer to her was one of the perks of moving here.

We’ve focused on things that we do like about the city. My husband is really into craft beer so we’ve visted a lot of local brewies. We are both into camping and hiking so we’ve made an effort to search out some great spots for those activities. We are both introverted so making friends is hard but we are trying to step out of our comfort zone in that area as well. 

I don’t think we’ll ever love this city but we can make it work for the next 4-5 years. It just takes some time to adjust.

Post # 8
Member
746 posts
Busy bee

I am about to be in a sort of similar position. My Fiance just got a job about an hour and a half away from our current city. I have lived in this place my entire 26 years of living and literally my entire family lives here. I have never been more then 15 minute away from any of my family members at a given time so I am considerably nervous about moving.

I don’t necessarily hate the place we are moving – there are some aspects that I like, like the beach and the weather but I am so nervous that I wont be able to make friends because I am not good at it. 

View original reply
monkey84 :  

Post # 9
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
monkey84 :  I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaated where I lived with my ex. Unfortunately he got laid off, that was very hard. BUT then we moved the heck out of that state and came to Minnesota! So.much.better!

But I will say, I have not tried too hard to make friends here. I think it’s hard once you are out of college and move somewhere new. People here already have friends and a lot hang with their families, that’s their social time.

Post # 10
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC

View original reply
monkey84 :  my husband got a job in a mid-size midwestern city that I can’t stand. There’s nothing “wrong” with it exactly, it just doesn’t feel like home! He has a good job and lots of friends at work and through social groups. I’m a grad student and previously had a mediocre job where I wasn’t truly happy.

We’re living somewhere temporarily that we both love, but we have to move back soon. I’m trying to find “redeeming qualities”…there are absolutely no seasons in our current city, so bringing out my fall clothes and pumpkin/apple picking without sweating to death will be nice this year. I hate winter, but I did miss the Christmas-y feeling a little snow brings!  We also can afford to get into the housing market whereas we couldn’t here, and there are some great weekend getaway destinations.

Yes, it sucks for me but it’s the best/most stable place in his company right now. I got super depressed last time we lived there. He knows how I feel and is trying to support me better this time around. Hopefully in a few years we can move somewhere we’re both happy to settle down for good.

Post # 11
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

My in-laws move frequently for FIL’s job. Some of the places are better than others for my Mother-In-Law, but she is great at being upbeat and finding her purpose. You just have to make the best of it. It also helps that she flies to their home base and to visit other family frequently. You don’t have to be stuck there. Sometimes it is also fun to explore the surrounding area. 

Post # 12
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
monkey84 :  I am right now. We moved for a great job opportunity for him. It’s close to his family and he knows the area, he also already had friends here. I’ve been here almost a year and I’m just really starting to make friends. In the past when I moved somewhere new I used meetup.com but here it’s all just mom groups, singles or senior citizens. Nothing really for people in their 20s and 30s without kids. I’ve met people at the jobs I have to piddle aroud, but only 1 or 2 people I actually consider friends. He’s not happy here either, but he does enjoy his job and I know he likes being close to his family. But we just don’t really fit in with the people who live here. We were originally planning on being here for 5ish years but we’ve recently been talking about leaving in the next 2 years. Thankfully his field isn’t SUPER specialized and he’s made quite the name for himself, so he has people reaching out to him pretty regularly with offers.

Post # 13
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

 Not for my husband’s job, but for a different set of reasons we ended up coming to MI, where he is from and where his family lives. I’m from CT. And my husband has lived in CT for the last 16 years with me. 

We’ve been here for about eight months now, which is already longer than we had planned. 

When we first got here I was okay. It was fun to explore a new place. I had never been to the Midwest. Now, eight months in and I’m over it. Michigan really isn’t for me. I miss my pretty New England! I miss the beach, I miss the beautiful autumns in Connecticut, I miss my friends and family. Just everything. I don’t work, so I haven’t made any friends here, and I’m just kind of bored. We’re starting to look for apartments back in CT. And as soon as we find one that works for us, we’re heading back. 

Post # 14
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

I moved with him to the middle of nowhere for 2years for his career. I tried to assimilate but 6months in I quit. I hated my life, stayed home and watched tv, patiently waited for his job to transfer us out. I sucked up, tried not to complain- i feel like i paid my dues in this relationship, i sacrificed enough. Would I move somewhere I don’t want ever again? NO. I did it once, if it happens again he’ll have to choose me or the job.

Post # 15
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
Smoochism :  Girl, I feel you. My dad moved me to Michigan in 1999 and I couldn’t wait to get out. I didn’t speak to him for a solid year haha. Even though they still live there I don’t even go back to visit! It’s the worst. Good luck moving back to CT!

The topic ‘Have you ever lived somewhere long term for you S.O.'s job that you don't like?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors