(Closed) Have you ever lived together and had it not work out?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

i have lived with exes before and was adamant i wouldn’t do it again. cough cough that lasted about six months into my relationship with m.  my old landlord f’g sucked and my condo was infested with rodents and they wouldn’t take care of the problem. at the same time m was wanting to move from his condo because he had a new dog.  so it just sort of worked. i am the first woman he’s ever lived with though. i must say that things seem very different for us living together though it feels very right and we are still the same funny touchy feely couple we were before we moved in together and when he pops the question and we are married we’ll still be that same funny touchy feely couple. i must admit i would have probably been married and divorced by now if i wouldn’t have lived with my exes, i’m a firm believer of living with a sig other before marriage.

Post # 48
631 posts
Busy bee

This is a GREAT topic.  I actually decided before I ever met my husband (or anyone else really serious) that I wouldn’t live with a man until we were engaged.  This wasn’t because I thought cohabitation would cause the relationship to fail, but because I thought, if I guessed wrong and a guy wasn’t the one,  I knew the breakup would be horrible.  To summarize a lot of concerns I had, I didn’t want to be financially intertwined with a man unless I knew we were committed to marriage.  I also think that people who live together just cannot fathom breaking up (because of all of the practical difficulties this would entail) so sometimes stay in bad relationships despite warning signs.  For me, I wanted to maintain my independence until I knew it was THE GUY.  🙂

(We had close couple friends that broke up after 4 years of living together and it was almost like a divorce — horrible, painful, protracted, with disputes about money and property — AWFUL!)

Post # 49
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Honey I lived with a man for TWENTY years and it didn’t work out! After my daughter died I became rather depressed and apparently I wasn’t paying him enough attention because he dumped me for a bar skank! Ultimately it was all for the best because if he had not dumped me, I would have never met my hubby and know what it is like to be really loved and cared about!

Post # 50
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - Holy Family Catholic Church, reception: National Infantry Museum

I lived with Mini’s dad for 3 years before I left him.  It obviously didn’t work out.  We’re still friendly, we have to be! 

Post # 51
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I lived with another guy for 3 years off an on — I even bought my house while he was living with me! Luckily, I bought it without his help (not that he could pitch in!), so it was easy to split things. In the end, he moved out, but he left a bunch of stuff at my house. I eventually packed it up and gave it back to him. Now, 3 years later, I told him I was engaged, and he won’t speak to me anymore. A little hurtful at first since he was such a huge part of my life for so long, but the fact that I’m okay with it now and moved on is a good sign for me! 😉

Post # 52
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2020

I have a somewhat different take than the previous posts.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I met through a mutual friend at a bar when I had absolutely no intention of meeting anyone.  We instantly hit it off and within a week he told me he loved me and joked that at this rate we’d be living together in a few months.  Needless to say the relationship progressed very quickly, we met in May and by Aug we were taking a week long trip to California together.  A lot of people thought that would be the end of us, but it turned out that trip sealed the deal.  It was when we both realized we were the one for each other.  We both loved the trip so much that we started talking about moving from New York to Cali, I can’t help but think how crazy that sounds now. 

After lots of talking we decided we couldn’t just up and leave our families but we continued with talks of moving in together.  I think part of what fueled it is I was back living with my parents after years of living on my own in Philly during college.  Once I moved back to New York I just couldn’t afford my own place.  For him it was fueled by the fact that he lived with his dad and hated it.  He’s not all that close with his dad and it only made it worse when his dad basically started calling me a whore.  It was common for both of us to work until 1 or 2am so a lot of the time we were meeting up after work at 2 or 3am.  His dad insisted I was a booty call because we only saw each other at night and implied that he didn’t believe I was a virgin and that my mother did a horrible job in raising me.  I actually overheard some of this one day because he didn’t know I was in the other room. (I forgot to add his dad is a huge hypocrite who would have a different woman over every night, my Boyfriend or Best Friend would actually overhear them having sex EWW!!)  After that point I told my Boyfriend or Best Friend I no longer felt comfortable going to his house when his dad was there.  He certainly understood but we lived 45 min away from each other so all the travelling was tough on him.

After less than a year together his mom (who very much liked me) offered us her rent-controlled apt in manhattan.  It was great for the first year, but then between my new job and school I never saw him.  It didn’t help that he was only working part-time from home and was always dying to go out but when I got home all I wanted to do was stay home and relax.  He also thought of me as this fragile thing and was afraid to tell me when anything was actually bothering him which led to all this pent up anger.  It got to the point where we might as well have just been roommates and decided to break up.  Since it was his mothers apt I had to move. It was awful but I have to admit he was great throughout the whole thing and helped me move.

About a month or so after we broke up we slowly started talking again, then slowly hanging out and then well ::ahem:: other things hehe.  Our friends thought it was weird that we went to each other for dating advice and cried on each others shoulders, but that just proved the bond that was always there between us.  The turning poing was my ex-best friends wedding.  I was the Maid/Matron of Honor and she was a total bridezilla, it resulted in the downfall of a 20 year friendship.  She let everyone in the bridal party have a date but kept pushing me to go by myself because I was the only one not in a relationship and shes cheap (every male friend I suggested was also a friend of hers so it wasn’t like I was asking her to pay for a total stranger)  I also found out the day of that I was demoted from Maid/Matron of Honor… but she didn’t even have the, excuse me, balls, to tell me to my face.  I found out from the program and she made up a lame excuse after I questioned it.  She insisted on approving my date and kept denying all the male friends I suggested.  At the last minute I still had no one and my Boyfriend or Best Friend who was my ex at the time scrambled to get someone at work to cover half his shift so he could leave early to drive an hour and a half to the wedding just so I wouldn’t have to be dateless.  He walked in just as I got to the end of the aisle and I just happened to turn and we caught each others eyes, somehow I just knew he was there.  He was the perfect gentleman all night long and afterwards drove me home and stayed with me for an hour just holding me while I cried.  After that I knew he was it, but I didn’t say anything and waited a few months until he said something to me.  He finally did and now we’re back together!

We took things suuuuuper slow the 2nd time around and definitely had our rough patches in the beginning.  We learned a lot through our break up and became much better at communicating with each other.  After being back together about a year we decided to move back in together, this time to a place brand new to both of us and not affiliated with any family members.  Our relationship is much stronger now and I have to say despite how hard the break up was I’m glad we moved in together and I’m glad the break up happened because if not for it we wouldn’t be the couple we are today.  Now we are happily planning on buying our condo and planning a wedding Smile  We’ve picked out a ring together and now I’m just anxiously awaiting the proposal, hehe.

Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share my side of things and it felt good to actually get all that out.


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