Post # 1
- Wedding: Sandals Barbados
To start off, I am having a Destination Wedding so I completely understand that it is expensive and that not everyone can make it. I have three girls in my life I consider my best friends, I have been friends with all of them for over ten years. I asked one of my besties to be in my wedding party and since I have asked I am having regrets. She left me hanging for a while about whether she would be able to go or not and when my other bridesmaids try to plan around her she doesn’t give a clear answer. We are all frustrated.
She is married and has a young child. I mentioned about coming for only a few days and other bridesmaids offered to room with her to cut costs. This friend also lives about 9 hours away. I was the maid of honor in her wedding which I drove to and planned the entire thing. When I arrived 3 days before the wedding she didn’t even have tables and chairs for her guests. Her mother and I went out and bought all the décor, I made the center pieces, the bouquets, the boutonnieres, found a caterer, and set everything up. I didn’t sleep for 3 days, maxed out my credit card and asked nothing in return. When she was pregnant and had her baby, I went down to her to help her take care of the baby. For years I made sure to make a trip yearly to visit because I knew how lonely she was.
Recently on her trips home to visit family I have pretty much had to beg to see her. This month she was home for an entire month and I decided I’m not going to be the one to make plans with her and guess what…I didn’t see her once. I was hoping she would at least want to congratulate me on my engagement. I guess I’m frustrated and realizing that if something doesn’t have to do with her then she doesn’t care. Now I am regretting asking her to be in my wedding even though she isn’t going. I wish I had come to this realization earlier. Sorry for the rant.
Post # 2
sometimes we expect too much from people even though he put in our heart and soulds for them. maybe she just isnt as expcited as you are and not really trying. atleast u see her for what she is. dont waste ur time bee.
Post # 3
sapphire02882 : I’m going to get reamed for this, but I actually asked a bridesmaid to step down… she was still invited to the wedding, she did come, and there are no hard feelings years later but she moved across the country (20hr drive) mid-planning phase and wasn’t in a financial position to travel back and forth to help/attend events etc. so I mentioned I thought it would be better if she attend only as a guest and no longer as a bridesmaid. She was pissed at the time but it was already a strained relationship then for various reasons. She ended up not attending kitchen tea/bachelorette as I had predicted (costs I didn’t expect her to cover in her financial position, or even want her to because I knew she couldn’t actually afford it and had she stayed a bridesmaid I know she probably would’ve gone into debt to do it), but did attend the wedding and was friendly and her normal self as I believe she had time to cool off… anyway I’m glad I ended up with only two bridesmaids, one being my sister, the other my best friend for 16 years now. No regrets. Now all is well (and the almost bridesmaid still lives across the country).
Post # 4
she shouldn’t act the way she is now if she did really considers you as one of her best friend. but maybe she might have been reluctant in giving you the answer straight away because she herself is not really sure if she could really make it. despite all things you have done for her during her wedding, i understand that it hurts deep down. but since it has come to this situation, i guess it’s best for you to just consider two bridesmaid for your wedding. no hard feelings, but really, it’s better that way.
Post # 5
ancientculturesdramaqueen : I ended up having to tell my Maid/Matron of Honor that she was not in the wedding party any longer after a series of incidents where she verbally attacked me and then stopped responding to me for a few months both to messages and ignoring me in person – sometimes the situation just calls for things like that – I am glad it all worked out for you. I don’t think she will be attending my wedding as she still ignores me whe i try to talk to her – my fiance and I saw her at a mutual friend event recently and she tried to insult me (right in front of me) to him and get him to insult me as well. I’m happy with the decision I made in the end, though it still makes me a little sad that I misjudged the friendship so much.
sapphire02882 : Sorry you are bummed I totally understand the feeling. It has helped me to focus on the positive things like all the people who are making the effort to be there, and the fact that all I really want is to marry my fiance. Best of luck I know it will work out for you!
Post # 6
I regret having one of my bridesmaids in my wedding. She is a relative on DHs side that I was friends with prior to my dating Darling Husband. She and i had a falling out prior to my engagement (she was prejudiced against me when I started dating her relative — cultural differences). It was a shock since we were such good friends before. I forgave her because she seemed genuine when she apologized to me and to mend fences officially I had her in my wedding. Literally the day after my wedding she ghosted me and hasn’t talked to me since…even at family gatherings and events. So it was all for show to look good in her community. I regret believing her and opening my heart to her as a friend again.