Post # 1
This is kind of a spin off of another thread asking why cash bars are tacky. A few posters mentioned that they’ve witnessed guests actually taking money out of gift cards when they see there is no open bar. I, personally, have witnessed people wait to write checks until they actually arrive at the reception to see what they feel the couple deserves. I don’t operate like this. I give gifts based on what I can afford and how close I am to the person and not on what they served for dinner or whether they had a photo booth.
Has anyone else experienced or done this? Any thoughts?
Post # 3
Sticking with my new resolution to not use the word tacky, I will say… poor taste! haha, I don’t think that’s much better.
No, I write a check before I leave, in a sealed envelope, with a nice card expressing how happy I am for the couple. There may have been things that make me want to change the amount, but there’s a reason I write everything in Sharpie pen – no take backs! It’s rude to go and rifle through the card box to go take money out of a card just because you weren’t happy you have to buy your drinks! (I wouldn’t be happy if I had to buy my drinks, but…yeesh, that’s line crossing!)
Post # 4
I give gifts based on what I can afford and how close I am to the person and not on what they served for dinner or whether they had a photo booth.
Post # 5
That is rediculous. We always just give what we can based on our relationship with the people getting married. I will say that my dad waits to write checks until he gets to the wedding, but that is because he procrastinates and usually buys cards on the way to the weddings but he always gives the same amount.
Post # 6
Wow would someone ACTUALLY do that?? That is appalling!
Post # 7
I’m sorry… but that is absolutely asinine. I also give gifts depending on what we can afford and how close I am to the person. A gift is given out of generosity and appreciation for the bond you share with that person… not on what you are going to get in return.
Post # 8
@abbie017: I know, apparently “tacky” is a no-no word. LOL! And I totally agree with you. I fill out the amount at home, write some well wishes and seal the envelope. I was mortified when I witnessed someone actually take money out of a card when they felt the reception wasn’t up to par and doubly mortified when I saw someone wait to fill out the check (that someone is very close to me ).
@tksjewelry & deathbydesign – YUP! It is ridiculous and appalling! Look, I may not agree with cash bars or cake & punch receptions or whatever, but they have nothing to do with the fact that people I care for are joining in marriage and could probably use a nice gift to start their new lives with. Like I said, I don’t base my gifts on what the recipients have given me. I base them on what I can afford to give and how close we are.
Post # 9
@zippylef: I couldn’t agree more, but sadly, I really have seen it happen. It’s unfortunate that some people view life as “tit for tat”.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t change it but I would give based on the scale of the event. If they are my closest family or my very best friend, then the amount stays (or maybe increases if it’s a very fancy one).
However, if it’s just normal friends or relatives, I tend to :
i) Cover my plate
ii) Add maybe $50 or $100 p.p. as a gift
So if the event is just a barbecue which costs say $20, I would give $120-ish p.p.. If it’s at the Four Seasons, I’ll pay $300 p.p. for the food+drinks + $100 as a gift.
Post # 11
I give the same amount, regardless if it’s in their backyard or at the Ritz. The point of a gift is to help the couple start their life together, not to cover your plate.
Post # 12
Um. What?! I’ve never heard of that. But that is just wrong!!!
Now, is it that they’re taking money out to use @ the cash bar to buy drinks or are they taking out money because they feel as though they were entitled to something?Honestly, in this case, the intention doesn’t even matter much to me…the action speaks too loudly.
Post # 13
No, I’ve never waited until the event.
I will adjust based on going alone or with Fiance and if a meal is involved.
Post # 14
@redband: Uh-oh, the old “cover my plate” reasoning (which I agree with by the way). Many on the Bee think its HORRIBLE to base your gift on what you think the bride and groom paid per head. I was raised to “cover my plate” plus a little extra depending on how close you are. Now, that being said, if they are having a wedding at the Waldorf and I can only afford the Hilton then the Hilton is what they get. Lol.
Post # 15
@RayRayFurious: Both actually. When I was in college (many moons ago…lol) I attended a wedding in which the B&G did not inform anyone that it would be a cash bar. A lot of us were poor college students so some of them “had to” (they really didn’t but they wanted to drink) take money out of the cards to pay for the cash bar. I just didn’t drink at that wedding but others felt that was part of the “fun”. Another time, I saw an older person wait to fill in the check amount until she saw how much went into the wedding. I was actually kind of shocked but they felt they shouldn’t have to give X amount of dollars to a wedding that didn’t have XYZ.
Post # 16
No, but I know people who do. They wait to see how the food is, what drinks are provided and what kind of entertainment the couples arranges before deciding how much to give. I don’t agree with it but what they choose to do with their own money is none of my business.
For the most part I base my generosity on how well I know the couple and how close we are. Family and close friends will get considerably more than someone who invited me because they had to (i.e. distant relatives or something of the sort). I also take into consideration the kind of event it is. I’m probably not going to gift the same amount for a black tie event as I would a simple backyard BBQ. I try to cover my plate as best I can so the difference between $15 p/person and $150 p/person is considerable.