Post # 1
I know that sounds so silly but that’s how I feel. We are 3 months away from the wedding, and the problems just keep rolling in. Now, before anyone says “marriage is all about struggle so it’s a great test,” I’ve been with my spouse for years and we have indeed experienced many challenges together. First it was problems with our venue changing coordinators and then giving us different information, then it was other family members deciding to get married right after us. Then it was family members complaining about who is and isn’t invited. Then there’s the lower-class family (mine) meets the upperclass (his) family dynamic. It goes on and on. What’s really disheartening is that we’ve sacrifced a lot to have the wedding we both envisioned. We’ve saved up most of the cost, thousands of dollars over the past year (we definitely don’t have great salaries), by working multiple jobs and buying only necessities. I’ve worked so hard to plan everything while working full time and being a full time college student trying to graduate (which I did). Even with this, it seems like all we hear is criticism from in-laws while they fawn at the same time over the wedding that will be happening after ours. Maybe I’m complaining too much. Sometimes I want to throw my hands in the air and run to the courthouse. I just feel worn out and I honestly don’t think anybody can understand how stressful a wedding can be (until you have one, of course). Please, PLEASE, somebody tell me I’m not alone?
Post # 2
Trust me, FH and I have seriously considered it! Mostly because of money though. We’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to outside input, but every now and then a comment will rub me the wrong way.
I’m sure this is nothing new to you, but this is the bottom line: it’s YOUR wedding. You’ve worked hard for it. You deserve for it to be whatever you want it to be. I know bad attitudes can put a damper on things, but just because someone thinks they know better doesn’t mean they do.
I’m not saying start an argument…. because that’s the last thing a tense situation like that needs. But I’d stop talking about the wedding to them. If they try to bring it up, steer the conversation away. If they ask why you won’t talk about it, just say that negative input was really ruining the experience for you, so you’ve decided to start keeping the wedding planning between you and your future spouse. If they get offended, let them. You can’t please everyone, and if you handle the situation gracefully, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Post # 3
We did it! Had a 250+ person guest list, deposits paid, date set, invitations hadn’t gone out yet, but he came to me one day and asked if I wanted to get married. I said “well that’s kinda the point of being engaged, right?” and he said “no, I mean this weekend.” So I called my boss (this was on a Sunday) and told her I needed the week off, we drove from Indiana to South Carolina, spent the next 3 days in Charleston, and got married that Thursday in my aunt and uncle’s back yard. I wore a $30 sun dress from JCPenney and he wore a light blue polo, jeans and flip flops. LOL
I don’t regret a thing because the stress of planning was too much for me and DEFINITELY too much for him. The only thing I really feel like I missed out on was I didn’t get to wear my dress. I didn’t have that moment that every bride talks about. BUT, because I never did it, I can’t tell you if it was a big deal or not and something that was ultimately worth it. LOL!
My parents, my grandmother, aunt and uncle and a few cousins were there. My mom baked a cake and we shoved it in each other’s faces and went back to the hotel. It was sweet, and the people that meant the most to me were there. His family was pissed that they didn’t get to see it, but neither of us cared.
I say do what makes you happy. I was recently in my best friend’s wedding and it was so hectic and she was so stressed. After it was over she said the day flew by and she didn’t even feel like she got to enjoy it. It was such a blur. I think we get caught up in so many details and plans that in the grand scheme of things don’t matter 10 years, 5 years or even 1 year from now.
Try to relax, take a breath, and remember what the whole point of the day is. No one else’s opinions matter. The two of you decide what YOU want. Let them go to their fancy schmancy wedding that they won’t shut up about, and you do you! I speak from experience, everyone else be damned if you ask me. LOL
Post # 4
i feel that way all of the time, have since my bridal shower honestly and my wedding is next week. originally i wanted a super small intimate wedding- like an elopement, but Fh wanted a bigger one, thought i’d regret not having one… i got a second job to be able to have one… i’ve had to deal with all of the mothers ‘feelings’- from my mom, to stepmom to fmil and i’m over it. my biological sister refuses to come even after offering to pay for her entire family to fly her, my stepsister tells me she’s leaving early bc its her preschoolers graduation the next day (i picked a thursday to save money), then i invite her to the rehearsal and am told thats sweet but they have practice- yet i’ve taken time off of work for parties for her kids, have bought them gifts for years and have never asked for anything at all… and then again with other people and their feelings… not inviting someone that isn’t even a real relative because he has gone to every other cousin’s wedding and my FH has only spoken/met him twice in 25 years… i just could continue lolol. sorry for my vent here also- but my point is, yes girl… yes i feel your pain.
Post # 5
breebee324 : You are SO NOT ALONE BEE! I am only 2 months into my plannign and I am already saying maybe we should elope instead.
From looking through other boards and talkign to other Bee’s I can safely say we definitely all feel this way at one time or another. However, I’ve discovered it is basically impossible to keep everyone happy. You can try and do the best you can but no matter what, someone wont like the chocei you make!
Focus on what makes you and your FH happy and forget everyone else. You can do it!
Oh! And feel free to reach out if you need someone to rant to! ^_^
Post # 6
You are definitely not alone! I’ve looked forward to wedding planning my whole life and I would say I was fine for the first 9 months (long engagement) but as the wedding gets closer and the problems keep popping up, I question whether it’s worth it everyday. If I had to do it all over again, I would seriously consider something very, very small and maybe even an elopement.
When it comes to dealing with the criticism coming your way, I would maybe say something along the lines of ‘Thank you for your input but it’s our day and we’re doing the best that we can’. In my view, no one has a right to complain about your wedding unless they’re paying for it.
Good luck Bee! I’m sure it will all come together!
Post # 7
Yes, we’re doing it. Although we’re not quite eloping as our parents are invited. Wedding planning was stressful and spending so much money was making me feel nauseous. One day my fiance said “I told you that we could go to the courthouse if you don’t want the full wedding”. I took awhile to decide – he was happy from the get go to go to the courthouse, but I wanted the traditional style wedding. Then one day I said yes, let’s cancel the big thing. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
But it has to be what you both want. Don’t cancel your wedding because of family members commenting on other weddings. Do it because that is what will make you happiest.
Post # 8
Other people’s feelings do matter even when it comes to your wedding — however, that doesn’t mean you have to do what anyone else says or sit quietly while you are being criticized. I would stop talking about wedding planning with those who are critical of your plans. I also wouldn’t hesistate to say something like, “Aunt Matilda, we worked really hard to plan and pay for this wedding and we’re really proud of it. I love that we’re having white roses at each table, so that decision is final, but thank you for your input. I want to keep things really positive, so let’s talk about something else.” It’s possible to be kind to others and consider their feelings while also doing what you see fit and protecting your emotional state.
Post # 9
We have so many times during the wedding planning process wished we eloped or did a small destination wedding instead! But I will say when all was said and done, we did not regret it one bit! We both got our dream weddings and the day went perfectly. Imo the stress was definitely worth it. There is no other event where all of your friends and family will gather to enjoy a night like that. Now we are so glad we had our big wedding.
Post # 10
There’s been a couple of times I’ve said to my Fiance, let’s just elope to Italy when we’re going for the honeymoon, with various levels of seriousness. People like to offer unsolicited opinions it seems! And my venue has been making things more stressful than they need to be. But at the end of the day, I know we’re going to have really fond memories of our wedding day for many years to come, so it will be worth it in the end!
Breathe, take a moment to reset, and have a vent on here. It’s what spaces like this were made for 🙂