(Closed) Have you had a time where you HATED being a bridesmaid bc of demanding bride?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I haven’t hated being a bridesmaid because of the BRIDE, but I have hated being in a wedding party because of other bridesmaids. 

My best friend since we were in diapers got married last summer and I was the Maid/Matron of Honor. The rest of the bridesmaids were her college friends (who I had never met before). My best friend is the sweetest girl in the world and because of that, she’s kind of a pushover. I had heard some stories about these other girls that made me wary of them, but I put on my friendly face and was super nice and accomodating.

But OH MY GOD, I couldn’t handle them. Sure, they were nice enough…but everything.was.about.them. Forget the BRIDE.

Examples:

-While bride was getting her hair done, bridesmaid #1 freaked out about her own hair, complained to bride that the hairdresser sucked, and demanded she get her hair redone by the other hairdresser that was there (all paid for by bride)

-Bridesmaid #2 had traveled across the country to be at the wedding and brought her husband (totally get it), but then BROUGHT HIM TO THE BACHELORETTE PARTY (because he “didn’t know anyone else in the area and would have sat in the hotel by himself if he couldn’t come”). Bride was SO uncomfortable.

-Bride was so stressed out by them, that on the morning of her wedding, she told them all to stay at their hotels until 1pm and just wanted me there with her in the morning because she was nervous (she has really bad anxiety). The girls knew this, and while I was trying to keep bride calm, I received multiple calls and texts asking me to break down the charges from the bachelorette party so they knew what everyone paid. (It’s the morning of her wedding, guys, really?! Can’t this wait for 24 hours!?)

-I bought all the booze for the bachelorette party (nice booze! Grey Goose, etc.! and didn’t ask for money from the other girls), and bridesmaid #2 and her fiance broke 2 of the bottles when they were play fighting…knocked them over. You’d think maybe they’d offer to replace them? Nope, they asked me to go back to the store and buy 2 more bottles.

Those are just some of the things…I’m forgetting a bunch of other things, but omg, I was so done by the end of it. I still shudder when I hear their names.

Post # 3
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh, and for your example…”expecting” a destination bachelorette is crazy! That’s asking a lot of her BMs financially.

Post # 4
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Laur12:  I cannot believe people like this exist….so sorry for you and your friend!

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summerbride0815:  I’ve heard of high prices to be in a person’s wedding but 3k is steeper than anything I’ve heard! Yikes….I’ve never personally had a bad experience but I am sure there are plenty others out there who have.

Post # 5
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

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summerbride0815:  I have a friend whose Bridal Party I’m not in (thank god), but from what I can tell, it will probably cost her BMs $3k to be in her wedding all said and done. She is having a four-day destination bachelorette blowout, picked a $350 Bridesmaid or Best Man dress (not including alterations), expecting at least one fancy shower if not more, and is having a destination wedding. Not to mention the shower and wedding gifts I’m sure everyone will give her. She’s actually a really nice person and is a good friend to other people, but I think the issue is that she’s expecting her BMs to “pay her back” in a way for being in their BPs or being there for them over the years, which is problematic for a number of reasons. Weddings seem to give rise to an entitlement mentality in the best of people.

Post # 6
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I’m actually picking up all the cost for my 5 bridemaids (including moh) for their dresses, professional make up and hair. The fact that they’re taking time out to plan my surprise bachelorette (destination wise) and possibly a surprise bridal shower, I’m extremely appreciative and grateful. We’re all adults with busy lives and I understand that all of us have different financial standings. I for myself wouldn’t mind paying for anything in my bachelorette because I don’t want anyone to feel burdened financially. The bride you mentioned sounds very selfish and inconsiderate of others. If your friend is already having doubts about the friendship even before the wedding, honestly I would suggest your friend to drop the bridesmaid role since friendship is hanging on a thin line. Why waste so much money on someone that’s not worthy and appreciative? 

Post # 7
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

 

I didn’t HATE being a bridesmaid recently but I seriously disliked the whole process because my dear friend, the bride, when from cool laid-back chick to something else. She was never happy…not have TWO bridal showers, a destination bachlorette party and then all the normal wedding festivities.

Now, there was some family drama going on and she was super stressed but so it was like “whatever’ but I definately started looking at her a bit differently when all she could do was complain to the bridal party after we had chipped in on all of these plus a huge wedding shower gift. Like, is it so hard to show a little bit of gratitude?

 

Post # 9
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

I was a bridesmaid once and the bride was kindly paying for our custom-made dresses…when I got mine, the dress was not made to my measurements at all by a company in China. She denied that it was an error on their end and called me fat (I’m 5’4 and at the time was about 145lbs and had not changed in weight from the time my measurements were taken, so a custom dress should still fit). It was a long all-lace dress and we it was a Destination Wedding in Punta Cana…I was so hot and uncomfortable the day of. I had to pay to get the dress let out and it cost $170…which was more than the cost of the dress!

Post # 10
Member
448 posts
Helper bee

I was one of 4 bridesmaids for a very demanding bride who more or less treated us like props. It was pretty shocking because she’s always been a considerate and caring friend, but she was also very hung up on the wedding being Her Special Day. She picked a (horrid, unflattering, expensive) dress 8 months ahead of the wedding, we all bought it. Then she changed her mind and tried to convince us all to get a new dress. The Maid/Matron of Honor was actually going along with this so as to not upset the bride. Unfortunately I ended up having to always be the “bad guy” and tell her no, we aren’t able to do that.

And that’s how it went all the way down. Bachelorette cruise funded by the BMs? No, we aren’t able to do that. Destination shower (I did not know that was even a thing)? No, we aren’t able to do that. Instead of having a real friendship, it was her making requests and me shooting them down. Other things requested included each of us buying a new coat to match in the photos, buying $300 designer shoes, and not wearing boots in the middle of winter en route to the church “in case someone is taking photos”. Things didn’t improve leading up to the wedding, either. Her wedding was on a Friday and she pitched an absolute fit that I wasn’t taking 3 days off that week to help her. She also had a meltdown that my SO wasn’t in attendance at the 5 pm Thursday rehearsal dinner – he was still at work! We did all show up in the original dress and our own coats and shoes, the wedding was lovely and she had a very nice time.

I think none of the BMs have seen her more than a handful of times since the wedding 4 years ago, by our choice.

Post # 11
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve only been a Bridesmaid or Best Man once and that was enough. The bride TOLD me I was going to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. It was an awkward moment for me and I tried to correct her by saying “I will if you ask me!” (nicely though) and she said “I just did.” No, you told me. Very different. Then she immediately started talking about the shower I was going to plan for her. Which I did. When I asked for some of her food preferences she didn’t like the sound of anything and said that wherever I was planning to hold it was too fancy and I should change the venue. I also had the pleasure of attending another shower several hours away in her hometown, which was held only for people who were NOT invited to the wedding. So they could bring gifts and see the bride and meet the groom, since they were not being invited to the big day. And I certainly had to pay for my dress and matching shoes she insisted the BMs wore, and hair and all that. Overall it was not an awful experience, just a crummy one and I don’t want to do it again. It wasn’t a really joyful experience or lots of fun. Everyone was just bossed around by the bride.

Oh yea and we all froze to death during the outdoor ceremony because she refused to let us wear any time of warm wrap or shawl, even pretty ones that would match or look nice with the dresses. And then we got to freeze the death during the reception too which was in an old building with no insulation and rickety windows. Fun times.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  binpink.
Post # 12
Hostess
4201 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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summerbride0815:  Yep.  The first wedding I was in, the bride expected me to research her vendors, interview them, and narrow down the decisions for her while I was in my first year of law school.  I didn’t have time for that!  She would send condescending, passive aggressive emails to the wedding party with “pointers” and “tasks” for us to complete.  I sent them to my other friends and they couldn’t believe it was real.  I was ultimately demoted from Maid/Matron of Honor to Bridesmaid or Best Man by email because, in her words, “I care about you, but I care about my wedding more.” 

I’m not sure if the last straw was when she said my SO of 5 years (now Fiance of nearly 9 years) was not invited because they “didn’t know him that well” (yet her groom’s teenage brother could bring his girlfriend of five seconds) or when she “suggested” (required) me to drive to her out of state location for wedding events Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for a Friday wedding.  I’m sorry I have a full time internship and summer classes.  Ok I’m still bitter.  I ended up only taking a half day Thursday to drive straight to her rehearsal.  I smiled and feined bubbliness for pictures, but I knew I was done.  The friendship ended shortly after the wedding.  I haven’t seen her hanging out with her other BMs the past four years, so I imagine they are done with her as well. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  missinthecity.

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