(Closed) Have you lost a parent?

posted 6 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I lost my mom, years ago, and I can say that I would not have been in an emotional state for a long time after that point to truly enjoy a wedding, and make happy memories that I would hope you will be able to associate with getting married!

On the other hand, I can see if I were in your shoes of being ready to be married at this time that maybe you don’t want to put your whole life on hold? I was much younger when my mom passed away, and had only been dating my now Fiance for 6 months so it’s not the same situation!

I think if it were me I might want to wait until my parent passed, and then start making plans when I felt emotionally capable to do so.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Losing a parent is tough and no matter what your wedding day will probably be a day where you miss your dad 🙁

Post # 4
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is the issue about the timing of wedding or the trip?  Have you thought about getting married now in a small ceremony with your family and then doing the bigger wedding later?

I lost my father about 9 years ago and I wish he could have met my fiance and been part of the experience.

Post # 5
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through.  My dad passed away 10 years ago in March, but it was sudden.  He fell asleep and never woke up, so I didn’t watch him suffer. 

Do NOT let vendors make the decision for you.  You do what makes you feel better.  You are going to be emotional regardless.  Your Fiance will be there for you no matter what, and you will get married whether it be in August or after.

Go with your gut on what you feel is the right time.  I feel for you girl.

Post # 8
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Got it.  I hear you about the one wedding.

I’m glad they got to meet.  My thoughts are with you, I know it’s a difficult time.

Post # 9
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I lost my Mom in 1989 and my Dad in 1997. The best part of getting married? My FILs! I LOVE being someone’s ” kid” again!

Post # 10
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

Mourning is a process, and everyone goes through it differently, and at differing times. I lost my Mom 7 years ago, and for the first year I was really lost. My sisters were the same, and we wondered what she did to us to make us miss her so terribly? Even after all this time, we, as a family, can hardly talk about her and laugh, and its already been so long….maybe we’re just overly emotional in general, and that’s why it has been so hard.

Since you have an uncertain timeline, maybe have your wedding sooner rather than later. You’ll be thinking about him, but you won’t have those breakdown times where you just want to curl up and be alone, because he will still be here. As hard as it might be, I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to postpone any longer for his sake, even if weddings mean very little to him.

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee

You will be sad either way.  Now, that he is dwindling and later when he passes.  If I were you, I’d continue with my plans now.  He would be happy to know (even if he is not there) that you are getting married to your man and that you will have a good life.  This may make him feel secure which is a grand feeling for a suffering parent.  But the most important person you should ask is him.  If he is not coherent, then just tell him your plans (they listen even if they can’t talk) and chat about your plans happily.  If you are happy, he is happy.  Don’t feel guilty or bad because you are getting married.  Celebrate and know that he loves you and wants the best for you.  He wants you to be happy and I feel that a wedding would mean a great deal to him now or in the future.  Remember, now is all we really have.  And, in living in this moment, though you have sorrow, you should experience joy as you prepare for a new future.  He would want you to do that.  Get some grieving counseling if you need to.  Best of luck!

Post # 13
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sienna76:  SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAD…U MUST ALSO REMEMBER THAT GOD HAS THE LAST SAY SO…MY DAD PASSED ON MARCH 8 2010 AND I WAS IN SCHOOL TAKING MY NURSING FINALS, I HAD TURNED MY PHONE OFF AND FORGOT TO TURN IT ON AND HAD MADE IT ALMOST TO MY HOUSE AND IT THEN HIT ME THAT HADN’T NO ONE CALLED ME WHILE ENROUTE HOME THAT WAS ODD..MAKING A LONG STORY SHORT SWEETIE, DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER AND NOT OTHERS..I AM MARRIED THE SECOND TIME AND MY DAD IS NOT HERE AND I STILL MISSES HIM, AND IT GONNA BE HARD HAVIN TO WALK DOWN THE ISLE AND NOT KNOWIN HE’S THERE, BUT I WILL DO THIS I WILL LIGHT A MEMORY CANDLE FOR HE WILL BE IN HEAVEN WATCHIN OVER ME….CONGRATULATIONS AND ASK THE LORD FOR GUIDANCE

Post # 15
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I lost my father on May 18th, 2012.

We found out he had stage 4 cancer in February.

He started Chemo and radiation in March through April. At the end of that, he was at stage 3.

On May 8th, Daddy had surgery to take out 1/3 of his stomach and 3/4ths of his esophagus. Everything went well and test showed he was down to stage one. This was on a Tuesday. Daddy was doing well when we visited on Wednesday and Thursday. Friday afternoon he was doing better and had some tubes removed.

By Friday night, shit hit the fan and Daddy had sepsis, along with MRSA and had to go on a ventilator.

He never recovered and only got worse.

By the following Thursday night, we had to make the decision to let him go.

I’ll never be the same and I’ll never stop missing him.

 

Post # 16
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I lost my mom about 2 years ago and I’m STILL terrified of how I’m going to react on my wedding day. 

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