(Closed) Have you lost 'friends' over weddings/bridal parties?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

the bride and i went to elementary and college together, so we knew eachother for a LOOONG time, she moved away after college and we kept in touch, however she only wanted to talk to me when something was wrong. So for her wedding she never asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man she just assumed I would be I guess, which I was fine with, I had never been in a wedding. so I purchaed my dress and did alterations….$300 later she tells me Fiance is FORBIDDEN to come to her wedding, that I must come alone. Now, I have no issue going by myself, it was the way she went about it. Yes there was a reason for her to “forbid” him in her eyes, but not anyone elses that I have talked to about this. I will just say that I confided in her something about Fiance (Nothing illegal, abusive, etc) Needless to say we dont really talk anymore and I finally cut myself off from her and others.

 

and my wedding will not have a wedding party. lol

Post # 32
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - City Winery New York, NY

I had the experience of losing a friend because I didn’t ask her to be in the wedding party.

I’m early thirties, as are most of my friends, and at this point in our lives, most folks aren’t dying to be a part of a wedding party. However, this one girlfriend from college just assumed she’d be a bridesmaid (full disclosure: I stood up with her when she had a vow ceremony – she and her husband eloped to Vegas – so maybe that was why she assumed?). When I told her who was in my wedding party she went cold, immediately. A few months out from my wedding she claimed she and her husband didn’t receive an invite. When I pressed her on how that could be possible (asking her how it could have gotten lost if she’d received my save the date and my holiday card), she caved and said “they just received it and would not be attending”. 

I was hurt. We’d been good friends in college (10 years ago) and I’d kept in touch with her. Sending baby gifts and even flying hundreds of miles away to attend a baby shower for her. But, we’d grown apart over the years and rarely spoke outside of Facebook. The women I asked to be in my wedding party were all a part of my daily life and I considered them much, much closer. I feel bad that she was so upset about not being a bridesmaid, but I had to make the best choice for me. 

In the end, it was for the best. She ended up unfriending me on Facebook and sending me some “shaming” emails right before my wedding. Anyone who would puposely cause a bride un-needed strife just isn’t worth it. 

Post # 33
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

FutureDrAtkins:  Sounds familiar! My H & I were up front with everyone from the beginning that it was going to be a small wedding (we had 60 people). We started letting people know shortly after we got engaged. We both have a lot of friends, and he has a huge family… so his invite list was mostly family and mine was immediate family and a few extremely close friends of mine since childhood. While most people understood, some people didn’t. One mutual friend of ours sent my H a nasty text berating him saying that we both had no common courtesy because we didn’t invite her to the wedding. Um, ok.

Emotions run high around weddings.. that’s part of the process. But ultimately it’s all about the bride and groom and their love for each other and what makes them happy.

Post # 34
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

During my first engagement my Maid/Matron of Honor and I decided she should no longer be Maid/Matron of Honor and then eventually she decided my shower meant she couldn’t see her boyfriend for a weekend adn that was just nuts! So she backed out. This Maid/Matron of Honor also wanted to wear a hat… and then when she wasn’t in the bridal party she told me she was wearing her off-white cocktail gown….. Ummm NO?

Another bridesmaid complained about EVERYTHING… including having to drive a whole 15 mins to get sized for her dress. Hair and Makeup costs… Bridal Shower not being at some swanky restaurant she liked (costs?). The icing on the cake was when she didn’t go get size to order her dress when she was supposed to and said: I just can’t be bother to drive all that way for a stupid dress.    So I told her not to be bothered by any of it.

I’m no longer friends with either of these women… Tried to be with both of them but then the second one insinuated I was sleeping with my best friend and the other started doing drugs.

Weddings really make you realize who’s important in your life….

Post # 35
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have a really good “guy” friend who was extremely offended that I did not include him in any ceremonial aspects.  I was thinking in his best interests, as his wife just had a baby and they will have to bring the baby along to the wedding due to $$.  I figured he would be too busy with his new child and didn’t want to pressure him into any tasks at the wedding and just enjoy the day.  I’ve gotten the… “well, why is SO AND SO doing this?  Why did you pick them?”  

I wish people would not even get offended about stuff like that.  It’s like, it’s the bride and groom’s day, and they can pick whoever they want, and just because they didn’t pick you to do something doesn’t mean that they hate you or don’t consider you a good friend.

If I could do it all over again, I’d have a Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man, and that’s it.

Post # 36
Member
3185 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

jessicabear:  I was supposed to be the moh the bride was really sweet until she got to my hair. I don’t really put heat on it at all. I did it for the first time in April in 6 years. The bride wanted Mr to permanently straighten my hair! Like put in a relaxer. I had one when I was 12 my hair fell out and all my teachers thought I was in chemo. So I said never again. I told the bride I’d flat iron and hot comb my hair but never ever relax it. She scheduled the hair trails for the bridesmaids and was going to sneakily relax my hair because she was paying for them! Luckily the hair dresser asked me if I really wanted to relax my hair! I was pissed. Stormed out most of the girls quit that day. On her wedding day we went to the Walt Disney world girls only vacation we all were trying to plan. Since we got the days off we needed somewhere to cool off and enjoy. Here is a pic of my hair curly and a pic of it straightened

 

Photos of my curls

Post # 37
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

jessicabear:  My DH’s awful sister and her husband dropped out of the wedding party 2 weeks before our wedding – still not sure why she hates me so much.  She tried to convince my husband not to marry me 🙂

Post # 38
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

This thread makes me so sad… some people are really just too entitled and probably were told their whole life how special they were. What happened to just picking up the phone and talking it through right away?

Post # 39
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Bio_Chemist:  My Maid/Matron of Honor sent me a FB message the month before saying she couldn’t handle it and didn’t want to be in my wedding. Then deleted me off of everything. Lol… FB break up?! Wtf, honestly she had caused SOOOO much drama in my wedding it was more of a releif, but I thought the FB break up was super weird and immature.

jessicabear:  Emotions run high around weddings. I lost 2 friends right after my wedding. One told me she was jealous (she was with her bf for like 5 years with no ring and was very visibly and verbally upset about it) and another friend was my Bridesmaid or Best Man who stopped talking to me like 3 weeks after the wedding, I still don’t know why to this day… but I’m not going to chase people around and beg them to be my friend, we’re all busy and I figure if she wants to reach out to me, she will.

Post # 40
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

sumshine.dawn:  I LOVE your curly hair, I’m sure it’s a pain at times, but as someone who has painfully straight hair I always wanted curls!

2 of my BM’s have ‘crazy’ hair. I told them to style it however they felt comfortable, and everyone looked beautiful!

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