Have you regretted a bridesmaid or MOH choice at all?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Did you have any regrets in your wedding party?
    I wish I chose a different MOH : (49 votes)
    21 %
    regretted 1 of my BMs : (81 votes)
    35 %
    regretted more than 1 BM : (35 votes)
    15 %
    no regrets : (52 votes)
    23 %
    regretted a Flower Girl : (2 votes)
    1 %
    regretted a Junior BM : (2 votes)
    1 %
    other, I will explain below : (8 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Liss13: Well, while we’d like to think things are set in stone once a BM is asked, that isn’t always necessarily the case. For me, I’d asked a friend if she would be a BM and she was offended that I didn’t take her out somewhere special just us and ask her with a big production. While I would’ve liked to have done so, I was in town briefly, and unexpectedly, and was lucky I could ask her in person at all, during a thrown together engagement party. She pouted and pouted and never gave me a straight answer after I gave her details to come to an informed decision. She wanted me to bend over backwards to even have her as a guest. Needlesstosay, we no longer communicate and it is just as well. So, you just never know how it will go. My best advice to you is to keep your bridal party small, only to those that are truly happy for you which is a very rare and selfless thing to find in a friend. If you have even the slightest concern about someone’s reliability or friendship/relationship with you, don’t ask them. Save yourself the trouble and only surround yourself with those who will comfort you and help contribute to a stress free environment. Those are the people you want to stand beside you, who will accept the position with the integrity and honor it is supposed to hold.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2974 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i don’t know if i’d say i regret asking one of my girls, but one of them has been frustrating me and i feel like she’s the one who regrets agreeing to be in my wedding. it makes me sad because she was so excited at first and now i feel like it’s a hassle for her (and the only thing she’s had to do so far is buy her dress!).

    Post # 5
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    This question like asking if I regret my friendships. I don’t understand how people magically separate the reality of their relationships with their friends as soon as they “become” bridesmaids. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7982 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Not a bridesmaid, but I sort of regret having FI ask my brother to be a GM because his girlfriend is driving me crazy now.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7610 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I have no regrets, although I had….reservations a few times wondering if I’d made the right decisions.  It turns out that I had!

    Post # 8
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    i voted other because im happy with the two i have picked i regret not picking a third, but its too late now

    Post # 9
    Member
    3583 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I didn’t know it at the time but one of my BMs would just excel so greatly that she’s really like the MOH and I feel bad that she doesn’t have the title. And then my MOH is ridiculously difficult to track down. Like, disappears for weeks at a time.  I had another BM who was just being a total baby about absolutely everything and needed near constant reassurance that they weren’t going to be left out of something.  He worked himself into such a lather that he got pissed off when I didn’t respond to an email within 24 hours and quit.  I was like, ooookay.  Everybody else is peachy keen, jelly bean and I probably should have just stuck with them anyway. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I think as far as selecting wedding party goes, brides should try to wait a little bit after getting engaged before asking/deciding. Once engaged, it’s SO exciting to jump into planning and asking bridesmaids and groomsmen to be part of your big day, but so much changes in the span of engagements (especially long ones).

    @Steph18: If your wedding isn’t until November of next year, why is it too late to select another bridesmaid?

    Post # 12
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Yep, my stepsister, mostly because she’s a huge flake, and caused me no small amount of stress right up through the wedding. She’s my stepsister, though, I’ve known her basically all of my life, and it would have caused a HUGE to-do had I not had her as a BM. As it was it caused a big to-do that I didn’t ask her to be my MOH. Ironically she got married on NYE of last year and I didn’t even find out about it until 2 weeks before…go figure. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2815 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I regretted one of my BMs.  She was a nightmare from day one.  She was way high maintenance and fought me on every little thing.  Then she showed up for the wedding drunk off her ass.  I was livid!  We haven’t spoken since shortly after the wedding.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have had one of those brightly burning fast friendships with a girl I was at university with.. we were inseperable for about a year and a half but after that she really began to grate on me. She brings out all of my bad qualities.. the whole ‘I’m better than you because..’ stuff. She plays games and expects me to like what she likes without question (prime example.. the first time I went to hers for coffee she just gave me it like she has it, dark no sugar.. I like mine milky with sweetner) and expects to me agree with her. She hates it when I don’t, or when I question her decisions.

    We haven’t spoken properly since she didn’t come to my birthday BBQ even though her OH did. Because she doesn’t like my MOH. She’s made this very clear. She makes fun of her and asks rude questions about her size and her make up and her career choices. I hate this!

    Anyway.. she’s just moved (didn’t tell me) so I’m trying to let things die down. If I don’t hear from her properly by the end of the year (I’ve tried contacting her) then I’m going to have one of those difficult ‘I don’t think you should still be in my wedding’ conversations.

    🙁

    Post # 15
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m regretting asking one of my BMs. She’s my FI’s best friends girl friend (been together 4 years), so I know her really well. We’ve gone on weekend trips together, hiking, just hanging out.. etc. She even helped us when we were re-doing our house. So I asked her to be a BM.. and it’s like she just suddenly drops off the face of the earth. My MOH tried picking some dates for a shower to okay with everyone.. she says nothing & lets them pick a day she’s out of the country. I think I’ve talked to her about the wedding maybe five times.. and it’s like 2 1/2 months to the wedding. I get the feeling that she’s upset because her BF is dragging his feet with their relationship and the wedding is just sort of inflaming her feelings. But honestly, if she really didn’t want anything to do with the wedding, I would rather she said “I’m honored you asked, but I just have too much going on right now” or whatever. The worst part is she is the only bridesmaid that is local. I would have loved it if she went shopping with me or something, but she just doesn’t respond if I even try to contact her! Last time we talked, it took a MONTH for her to get back to me. She’s not even working now & she lives at home with her parents. I had to wait weeks for her to tell me if she wanted her hair or makeup done. I had to wait sending the deposit just for her. It makes me mad just thinking about it. But all my other bridesmaids & MOH are great! They all live far away, but have just been really supportive.

    Post # 16
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Nope. I chose my two closest friends (I’ve known them for 13 and 8 years respectively), my sister and SIL. None of them are people who are likely to drop out of my life, and in any case I view the BM role as being not much more than “wear dress, stand where they tell you to in church”. I’m not going to have a shower and don’t much care if I don’t have a hen.

    If I was going to regret anything it’d be that I didn’t choose other close friends to be BMs, but that would only bother me if those friends were hurt that I hadn’t chosen them, and afaik they aren’t. So it’s all OK!

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