Post # 17
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I regret asking one of my girls-but I think that the wedding process has opened my eyes to her true colours. Fiance says she’s always been like this, and I never saw it. I think more than anything I’ve learned that sometimes my expectations of people are simply unrealistic, and it’s just as much my fault as theirs. Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice….
Post # 18
I regret asking one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man. This girl is the only one of my four Bridesmaid or Best Man who isn’t my sisters. She’s been complaining about everything including the dress, the date, etc. She even complains that I don’t spend enough time with her! I still love her, but I just wish I would’ve thought it through more.
Post # 19
@sara_tiara: I wouldn’t go so far as to say I regret asking one of my girls-but I think that the wedding process has opened my eyes to her true colours.
I am a firm believer that weddings – and any other life changing, high stress event – bring out true colors in people. Luckily, I was more pleasantly surprised at some of the unexpected goodness and love that came out of the woodwork, but was also appalled at some of the crap people (ones you thought you knew/could predict) put you through.
Post # 20
I love my Maid/Matron of Honor, I’ve known her since High School. She was my biggest supporter but the year I got engaged she got a big promotion at her job and now she is so busy. She is always traveling for work and everywhere but by my side. We live in totoally different states so this doesn’t help at all. The past year or so I have only been able to chat with her briefly via text, email, Twitter and FB. It sucks, I just wished I invited her to the wedding instead of making her my Maid/Matron of Honor. Now I also have a Matron of Honor, my bff for the past 9 years. She has been picking up the slack of the other Maid/Matron of Honor but I don’t think its really fair.
Post # 21
I had chosen my Maid/Matron of Honor because if I didn’t pick her she would have been upset and more than likely caused drama. Well, she ended up causing tons of drama anyway. We decided together that it was best for her to step down to a bridesmaid and let the person I should have picked from day one be the Maid/Matron of Honor. Then, she dropped out of my wedding 5 weeks beforehand. I should have known better but, I didn’t want to hurt her and in turn ended up getting myself hurt. My situation may be different than most though. This was someone I considered a best friend but, realized that she was never once in my life there for me. I was always the one bending over backwards for her. Even though all of the drama she caused for the wedding was stressful I am glad it happened because I no longer have that toxic, one-way friendship.
Sorry this was probably a little longer than you wanted, lol!
Post # 23
I did a big no no very early in our engagement. At about 18 months until the day, I asked 3 of my best friends to be my bridesmaids. I thought “they are my best friends, nothing will change.” Well that was literally the last time I saw my friend S. She virtually fell of the face of the Earth. I tried to make plans with her, because she has a Son I told her that I would drive out to see her and I will buy dinner for the three of us. I tried everying, but every single time she flaked on me.
The last straw was when one of my other friends K graduated from college with her masters degree. K’s Mother planned a very nice surprise dinner for K at a resturant. S told K’s mother that she will be there. S did not show up, she did not call. K’s Mother was stuck with an expensive plate of food that no one ate. I was so upset that she would do that to K. Even if you don’t have money for a gift, go and show K that you support her.
I decided that I was going to stop trying, to see if she would make an attempt. Well at Thanksgiving of last year she started making posts on FB saying that she doesn’t understand how certain people can be friends, but certain other people can’t be friends. 3 days later I noticed that she deleted me, my fiance, my brother and my dad. She also deleted K, and her fiance. I was so tired of this nonsence I decided to call her, she didn’t answer but I left her a message saying that I miss her and I want things to get easier. I also mentioned that I will be willing to drive to her. I wanted to see her son. I didn’t mention anything about the wedding or being a bridesmaid at all. She never responded to me, about 6 months ago she texts my Maid/Matron of Honor and says that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. My Maid/Matron of Honor asked her why, but S never responded.
Post # 24
I regret all of mine. None of them participated in the wedding planning, threw me a shower, or even helped me on the day of except my Maid/Matron of Honor, who was my brother’s wife. But – I didn’t have any girlfriends, so I picked DH’s four sisters as my BM’s kind of out of default. My state doesn’t require witnesses, so I kind of wish I’d had the backbone to not have any attendants. The pictures may not have been pretty, but they’d have been real life.
Post # 25
I regretted one of my bridesmaids and actually asked her to step down. We weren’t really friends anymore and she was causing me a great deal of stress. I knew that we wouldn’t be friends after the wedding and didn’t want to look back with regret. The process of telling her I no longer wanted her to stand up wasn’t great, but I feel so much relief now.
Post # 26
I was only disappointed with one of mine. She bailed on the shower she was supposed to help throw via text message the night before. She told me she had some family drama she had to take care of, but the next day I saw facebook pics (before she took them down) of her and her boyfriend at a football game. It’s one thing to not attend a shower as a guest, totally fine. But it’s something else to skip one that you were partly responsible for throwing. The other girls had to cover the stuff she was supposed to do and I felt awful for them. Our friendship has cooled since the wedding; I still love her to death, but it’s changed. And she still has no idea I caught her in the lie.
Post # 27
OMG – same thing here! She didn’t come to my shower she was supposed to be helping with because of a “family emergency out of state” and posted pictures all over FB. Yes, she was out of state but, it was no emergency, just a last minute spontaneous trip that she decided she wanted to take. She was gone for 3 weeks and came back the day after my shower which I thought was even more of a slap in the face. Seriously, you couldn’t have come back one day sooner?????
Post # 28
I totally agree that weddings bring out true colors in others. I haven’t experienced much of that, nor regretted my choice in bridesmaids, although I’m frustrated with one of them right now.
Post # 29
I’m not married yet- so unless something changes drastically in the next 2 months- I’m thrilled with my bridesmaids!! It was a pretty easy choice for me- my cousin, sister-in-law and two best friends (known for 18 and 7 years). They have all been amazing so far- and super supportive of any random requests I ask of them!
Post # 30
I have zero regrets. Two of my bridesmaids were unable to attend my shower and bachelorette (held on the same weekend so no one would need to travel twice). One had another wedding, one just started a new job and didn’t want to be away/take time off. Totally understandable. I really can’t think of a situation where I WOULD regret asking them, unless one of them sleeps with Fiance or something like that, in which case my entire life would be turned on its head.
At the end of the day, these are our best friends. They honor your friendship by standing beside you witnessing your marriage. You honor them by asking them to participate… in the WEDDING. Not in pre-wedding parties, dress shopping outings, etc. I’m sure that there are some real pills out there who shoot down every single dress choice, but when all they’re required to do is buy the dress and show up, what really is there to regret unless a friendship changes for unrelated reasons?
Post # 31
@Mrs Sarah McK:
dont you love the family BS? Everyone in your family always thinks siblings HAVE to be in the wedding party except for you. My sister WILL NOT be in my wedding. hell no.