(Closed) Have you/ would you date to marry?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did you/ would you date to marry?
    Yes : (156 votes)
    77 %
    No : (36 votes)
    18 %
    Not sure : (10 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    3476 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    The answer is yes. So much so, then when I realized that I was no longer at a place in life where I was wanting marriage, I stopped dating. Guys would ask me out (frequently) and I would just decline. I knew I wasn’t in a marriage frame of mind, so we’d do what? Date, fall in love, be in a relationship for months, maybe years…and then just break up eventually? At my age, it wasn’t an appealing prospect. Why waste anyone’s time, y’know? I preferred to be single than playing games. Interestingly, I met my fiance during that period. Getting to know him renewed my interest in getting married. It helped that he was extremely upfront from Day 1 about his intentions. I also attribute the success of our relationship to the fact that I wasn’t acquiring life’s baggage just for the sake of doing so. I was able to present myself to my future husband clean, unscarred and unscathed (rather than full of bitterness and turmoil from constantly exposing myself to unfulfilling love situations).

    Post # 63
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @dicapriosimaginarywife:  I’m 34 and have always assumed I’d get married. If I were still dating guys I didn’t want to marry, that would be pretty damn counterproductive. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    When I was in my 20s, I dated lots of ass-hats because they were the most fun and exciting. I certainly wasn’t looking to get married. (1995-2005ish)

    When I tired of dating ass-hats, I started hanging out with/dating much nicer guys and actually developed friendships with some of them… still not looking to get married. (2005-2009)

    Then one day, one of my guy friends (from 2007) unexpectedly turned into a Boyfriend or Best Friend and we stopped “dating” other people (2009). Shortly after that, things moved a little faster… he proposed in 2011 and I ended up marrying my best friend last year, 2012. Total time with him from meeting him to Darling Husband 5.5 years.  🙂

    I dated to learn about what I wanted in a long-term/lasting relationship – and I learned a lot about what was acceptable and what I wasn’t going to tolerate. It was more to learn about me and less about the other person or finding a husband. Once I knew what was important and not important, it was so easy to find that right man and for the first time actually want to get married.

    Post # 65
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Current SO is the first “serious” relationship I had.

    In my teens, I dated a few guys, but neither I, neither them were thinking about marrying.

    But as I entered my 20s, I met SO and I knew (and told him) that I was looking for something else, for a true and long committment.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @dicapriosimaginarywife:  Yeah this is exactly how I approached my relationship with Darling Husband. The last guy I dated before him was a waste of time and I knew early on that it would never be long term or serious. But for some reason I stayed with him and the more time I wasted with him, the harder it was to break it off. So after that ended I promised myself that the next guy I get involved with would have to be someone who has the characteristics I desire in a husband. I came up with a list of qualities and when Darling Husband came around I began to see those qualities in him…and it just so happens he was also only interested in dating someone who had the qualities he wanted in a wife. And he saw those qualities in me. We didn’t talk to each other about this until after we were official but it was clear we were on the same page from the door.

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