(Closed) Have you….

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know planning a wedding can be extremely stressful. I have about 10 months to go, and I’ve had my moments when I thought it would have just been better to elope.

 I also know how frustrating it is when other people just don’t seem to get the wedding thing. Yes, things should occur on a schedule to make things run smoothly. Weddings are productions, after all.

Perhaps you don’t have to share the specifics about the schedule with the rest of your party. I’m not sure what events your planning the day of, but if it’s a matter getting hair done and all that, tell them they can do it whenever as long as they arrive at your site at a certain time. Once they’re there, the last thing they’re going to want to do is look stupid. They’ll be sure to fall in line according to the order of events.

The rest of the timeline is really to let your vendors know what is going to take place when.

As for your party, tell them that the planning and scheduling is all apart of the whole event and that if they aren’t willing to cooperate to help make this a more pleasant experience for you then they’ll just have to take a back seat . I hope things work out for you.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’ve wished we eloped many time in the past month. My wedding is three Saturdays away.

But the fact is, there is a reason you wanted the big wedding with your friends and family around you in the first place.

In five years, hopefully, you won’t remember the tears, but you will have pictures of a day that was what you always wanted.

On top of that…it could be worse. You could be dealing with more than just the wedding stress, such as career upheaval, trying to prep two houses to sell, while trying to buy another, health problems yourself, a grandmother with pancreatic cancer and a future mother in law recently diagnosed with dementia…just to name a few.

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My wedding is this Saturday, and I’m not sure I wish we had eloped, but I sure just wish it was over.  Either that or I wish I had another month to go.  Luckily my family is being at least helpful (except perhaps my mom, who as far as I can tell still hates several of our ideas for the wedding – although she has toned down her responses to "Really, you actually decided to go with that." 

I am actually past crying about the wedding thing (knock on wood) as I am mostly shell-shocked at having Fiance and his two kids now living in my house.  Seems like there is a crying-worthy incident every day related to that.  (Last Thursday found out that his daughter left the garage freezer door open while she was getting Otter Pops.  It was open for 3 – 4 days, as far as I can tell.  It has been around 100F here.  Luckily the compressor didn’t burn out, but I had a whole freezer full of liquid goo in various stages of stinky and rotten – including a lot of very nice beef.)  About every other day I wonder why I thought this was a good idea.

On the other hand, Future Sister-In-Law (who previous to this clearly dislikes me) sent me a lovely card and the reproduction Wedding Day Barbie.  With red hair to match mine.  The red-headed one was apparently quite difficult to find.  Quite a gesture from the woman who said (upon first seeing my picture) "Oh, a redhead.  I hate redheads."

I do have a feeling that everybody thinks being at the venue at the time I specified is stupid, although I don’t think anyone has outright refused.  I am sort of past caring.  I will be there, Fiance will be there, our vendors will be there.  As long as the bartender is on duty, I’ll be fine.

Post # 6
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am so sorry for all the tears Sweeney!!!  I am dreading my wedding date drawing closer. I know that I will have a schedule and want people to stick to it, show up on time, etc. Already people are saying "oh you’re gonna be bridezilla"   My reaction is what?!?!?! Just because I want things to run smoothly that day??? 

For what its worth, all my friends who are married already say that they reached a point where they wished that they had eloped because of people and the stress. But on the day of, they just told people to back off and enjoyed their day.

I hope everything starts to calm down for ya!!

Post # 7
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My wedding is in three saturdays as well and I am feeling you! I have developed an allergic reaction to make up, an eye tick and had the worst lethargy and insomnia ever the past week. I feel physically ill from anxiety all the time and i just found out that I may have been the victim of identidy theft in the UK where i am originally from.

My parents are not helping the situation at all and i feel totally overwhlemed and so ill.  I just know one thing the best part is still to come when I see my baby down the end of the ailse. Chin up it will all be okay 😉

Post # 8
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

It sounds like either you have an unbelieveably stressful group of family and friends, or else you’re letting things get to you way too much.  If it’s the former, there probably isn’t a lot you can do to change them so I would just tune it all out and ignore them. 

 If it’s the latter, I think you need to just let it all go and focus on what’s important.  It’s not what time whether your ex-bridesmaid is really lactose intolerant, or whether your mom can follow a schedule, but it’s about you walking down that aisle and getting married and celebrating with people you love.  And none of them can prevent that or ruin it unless you let them. You’re the one that’s responsible for your happiness, not them.

Do you have a day of planner?  If not, get one of those, and let her/him deal with the problem people. 

Post # 9
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Oh Sweeney, I’m so sorry that your family is putting you through all of this.  From what it sounds like, they really are overreacting and not understanding the way a huge production like a wedding needs to run!  Of course there needs to be a schedule and if your mom/sister wants to be in any pictures, be there when you get ready, etc… then they have to follow the damn schedule!  I’m sooo so sorry.

I’ve had very little help from my mom too and it’s left my in tears several times.  I have this idea that moms are supposed to be super involved and helpful with the planning and stuff and that has left me really let down. So, I understand how it is when things are not going the way you envisioned or hoped. 🙁

Still, just remember that this is your and your FI’s special day and there are undoubtedly lots of other people that want to be there to celebrate and honor the love and committment you both have for each other.  I have moments where I feel overwhelmed, overworked, upset, disappointed…and can definitely understand why people elope but, God willing, I will only get married once in my life and I want it to be a really great party with friends and family–even if my family isn’t always easy to deal with.

*big big hugs* If you ever want to get away and have coffee with another Bee, we can probably figure out a place to meet. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Sweeney2be-

I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. My sister won’t speak to me and my dad pretty much said "I’ll see everything the day of".

I haven’t run into scheduling issues but we are still 14 months off and I don’t know if my sister will ever speak to me.

My suggestion say "I would prefer if you were there by blank and if you aren’t there by blank at the lastest, we will start with out you." If the plan is to do hair and makeup tell them the times and if they don’t show then they can do their own hair and makeup.

Pretty much what Fi, mom, and my other family member have told me is not to worry about them.

*Hugs* all will be better. No worries.

Post # 11
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Aww Sweeney, I’m so sorry to hear that. 

I’m having more of an issue juggling work and planning the wedding. It’s really hard and I feel slighted in certain ways since I’m a business owner and have to put my clients (who are brides and grooms) before my own wedding. I feel incredibly overwhelmed right now and I’m getting married in 3 weeks…. 

Post # 12
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

Hang in there girl. We’re all here with you. Like gilttergrl, my stress level is based more on work and wedding rather than family and wedding. We’re at about the three week mark too and my major project is due in about … oh … a week and a half. And my Fiance just got back into the country after being gone for three weeks. So tonight I said to him "hey, I can’t guarantee that I’m going to be in a good mood at all for the next three weeks." His response was "just please let me know if you’re mad at me, or if you’re just mad and stressed in general." Lean on your Fiance if possible, I’m sure he’d do anything to help you.

Personally, I don’t understand how your family doesn’t understand about the schedule. But you can’t make them be anywhere on time. Just – calmly – communicate with them that if they’re not where they’re supposed to be at a certain time, then they’re not going to be in the photos. It’s as simple as that. If that doesn’t light a fire, then there’s not much you can do. Just take a deep breath and remember the culmination of this day – you’re marrying your sweetheart. 

Post # 13
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sweeney, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about…it’s not just you…some of us are just lucky with better family members than others and it sounds like we should rent a plane to send my family and yours to the moon!

Post # 14
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I highly recommend eloping.  We’re still having a big party when we’d originally planned to do our wedding (September) but since the ceremony is already done, it drastically changes the potential for anything or anyone to cause problems.  It isn’t our "special day" it’s just a party.  We’ll dance, we’ll eat, we’ll look fabulous…but we already did the important part and had a blast doing it our own way.

I think that weddings get so overblown with drama and infighting and the sheer size of the thing that people miss the most important part of it…you’re making a massive commitment to your fiance.  It’s a rite of passage, and the people who are invited are there to share it with you.  All the rest of it is just flowers and dresses and escort cards and bathroom baskets.  Those and million other things that might seem essential but mean nil as far as your relationship goes.

You don’t have to cancel your wedding plans to elope…just get rid of the stuff that’s causing the stress and enjoy the party.

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