Have your reasons for being childfree changed?

posted 1 year ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

I haven’t ever been huge on the idea of kids. Everyone keeps telling me that it will change as I get older. I’m now 28 and no change. I too work with kids however I don’t feel that that is the reason I don’t want them. I feel I am too selfish in the fact that I want my time and my earned money to be for me and not poured into another responsibility. I never have done well with knowing I have obligations I must stick to (outside of working and getting paid). A child is a huge obligation, for some (most, probably) it is a welcome obligation but for me I’m not sure it would be. 

Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I too have worked in the education enviroment and I feel kids are worse now days then what  were when I was a kid.   No manners, very opinionated.  I could write more but I will not.  

I find myself annoyed when I see so many kids wandering the mall as if it is a free playground during holidays.   Recently went shopping and kids from a boarding school were clogging the aisles and talking a load of crap.  So rude they wouldn’t move, and were obnoxious.  

However I’m now sitting on the fence because I’m in mid 30s.  My biological clock is ticking, my Fiance wants kids and I have family that have expressed they want to see me have one child before they pass.  

So confusing.

Post # 4
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2000

I’m 47 years old and happily childfree 😊 In my twenties I didn’t want to spend my time and money on a child, then many other reasons followed and years have proofed that I made the right decision. 

Post # 5
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

I am a fence-sitter and a teacher. Before meeting my Fiance, I was staunchly child-free, since meeting him, I feel more flexible because I love him and know he would love at least one child.

When I was younger (early teens-early 20’s) the idea of being pregnant horrified me….and still does, but mostly, I want to be childfree because I want to live easy. Teachers do not make a lot of money and the money I do earn I want to spend on trips, fun toys (like a nice car), and dinners out without having to worry about diapers, extra food, etc.

Ultimately, I don’t think my base reason has changed. I’m just selfish. I was too selfish to want my body to change permanently because of a pregnancy and now I’m too selfish because I put a lot of hours into my job and I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor lol.

Post # 6
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee

I never had much interest in having kids, even when I was very young, and have been fairly focal about being childfree by choice since puberty.  

If anything, I’ve gotten more childfree and have developed more reasons for being childfree as I age.

One of the biggest for me is seeing the impact that parenthood takes on friends, colleagues, and neighbors… particualrly the career impact it has on the moms.  They are frequently seen as less dedicated professionally because they are more likely/expected to use sick or vacation days when the kids are sick, have doctors appointments, etc than their husbands.  The ones who have to leave a bit early to pick up the kids from school every day are viewed by other co-workers negatively, too.

I’ve worked really hard for to get where I am professionally, and I’m not willing to risk or sacrifice it at this point.  

Sadly, several of my coworkers who are moms have confided to me that they wish they had either had only 1 kid/not had kids/delayed having kids until their 40s and could afford things like a regular housekeeper or a part time nanny.  

Post # 7
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t say my reasons have changed necessarily.  When I was very young I just never visualized myself as a mother when I grew up.  In my 20’s I never felt any desire to have kids kick in, though I thought maybe it would someday, I didn’t think I could predict if the future me would desire a child or not.  No desire ever set in, at all.  Not even a passing twinge, even once.  DH and I are just childfree & that’s just how it is.  

I do not enjoy the company of children or any of their accessories or lifestyle.  I do like a good cuddle from a baby in the 6-14 month range.  Somewhere between 2-3 year mark they turn into my idea of hell and stay there until 12 or so depending on the kid.  Once they are old enough to know not to throw shit at me and converse coherently I don’t mind them so much.  But f*ck all if I’d want to be driving one all over town to their various activities & travel teams & all the cash that goes with it.  Nope.  

I am one of those he few child free that thinks it’s a trade off though.  I think of parenthood as one of the biggest & most profound experiences a person can have in life.  And while I love and am bonded to lots of people, and my pets, I can’t help but think a child would be all that on a whole different level.  Some CFBC’rs will vehemently disagree with me and that’s fine.  It’s just biology to me, it’s how we are wired.  (Of course there are exceptions, there are parents that really struggle with bonding or depression around parenthood).  Anyhow, I’m fine with missing that experience in favor of others that would not be possible without kids.  It doesn’t equal a lesser life experience for me.

I am glad every single day that I’m child free.  

Post # 8
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

My reasons haven’t changed but as I get older I find more and more reasons. 

Post # 9
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I have a sibling who has been extremely difficult his whole life (that’s being polite about it without boring you with the details, but if you can imagine it he has done it).  He has had a severe impact on my parents and I’ve seen how difficult it has been on them.  There is nothing they did differently with myself and him.  My parents are wonderful people and great parents.  He blames them for everything that goes wrong.  He’s in his mid 30’s and still essentially torturing my mom.  I can’t even fathom risking it even though I know he’s the exception and not the rule. 

Post # 11
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

No. My reason has always been, I just don’t want them.  Childfree,  for me, is like my sexuality.  It’s not anything I’ve ever had to think about,  I’ve just always known.  

Post # 12
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

RoseAdore :  I never pictured myself as a mother,  I still don’t.  I find kids uncomfortable and annoying. That hasn’t changed. 

Post # 13
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Nope, I have never wanted children and my reasons have never changed. As I grow older, I just find more reasons not to have children! When I was making the decision to get my tubes tied and had a case of FOMO, I sat down and wrote a pros-cons list. There were no pros. 

Post # 14
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Yup, yup, yup.  Just like several of you CFBC Bees, I always knew I didn’t want kids.  The whole thing was just not for me.  Pregnancy sounded horrifying, I never even wanted to think about labor, I won even get into the rest of it.

Babies have never interested me.  Toddlers, just eeeeeewwww.

Even when I was a child, I preferred the company adults.  I used to push other kids away and go to the grownups.

Like many of you, I never wavered as I got older.  I just found more reasons to celebrate the wisdom of my decision.  Now that I am well past childbearing age, I am so happyI stayed true to myself.

Post # 15
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

I also started out child free because of the environmental impact–or rather It was how I realized no kids was an option. 

I never ever had much interest in babies and I still don’t. I feel awkward around kids and infants. 

The sacrifices that comes with child rearing are too numerous. Honestly, my dog is  a hassle that I don’t really want about half the time, bless her tiny little evil heart.

I have so much freedom to do whatever I want with my life. There’s so much I wanna do. I want to write a novel, I want to rescue animals (like some of the difficult-ish cases), I want to travel, I want to paint, I want to be selfish, waste money on stupid little things I want and the luxury my furbabies deserve.

Because my mom left us I spent my teenage years raising my little sister. I’d rather not do that again, tbh.

 

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