Post # 1
This is something that I have been dwelling on a lot lately and I think I need advice. My parents have offered to help me pay for a significant portion of our wedding (and we are graciously accepting). The only problem is that they really want me to have our reception at a venue that isn’t exactly my taste…it is a large white banquet hall that has some small windows, pine colored wainscoating, and mirrored walls. It really has no charm. The perks in their mind are that (1) it holds a lot of people so we wouldn’t be restricted to the number of people we could invite; (2) we could bring in our own catering and serve traditional cultural food (in great abundance, usually a 4 course meal); and (3) you are not limited to having the venue for a certain number of hours; you can party all night long. I definitely see the merits, and my fiancee is totally on board and thinks most people will really enjoy coming to a multi-cultural wedding with delicious food and an open bar. It’s just that I have always dreamed of getting married downtown, somewhere urban and chic. We could probably make this happen if we reduced our guest list by half, but now I am just not sure.
At the end of the day, I keep thinking that I will look back and be glad that I did this to make my parents happy, and in a way, to thank them for everything they have done for me. I can certainly do some decorating, but not enough to really transform the space.
I don’t mean to sound ungreatful at all…and I hate to whine about something like this, but what would you do?
Post # 3
I think you should have it where your parents want it. It may not be your first choice, but you can invite anyone you want. I have learned that in planning a wedding, there is a lot of compromise!
Post # 4
Sometimes a blank space can become the best spaces… You can make it chic and urban by setting up couches and tables near the bar as a lounge and use up lighting to really color the space. Bring in some trees for something different or use elements from your culture to jazz it up. The mirrors will help reflect the light and you could always hang some fabric to soften them a bit with lights behind them.
Just remember, that once the lights go down for dancing.. no one is going to notice the window molding or what color the floor is, they’ll just remember dancing and having an awesome time. 🙂
Post # 5
I am having my reception at a place I would not have normally chosen. It’s still nice and cozy, but not the grand place with the grand grounds. While my parents are not asking me to have it here, I have decided to have it here because they are also paying for a large portion of the wedding and it was by FAR the best deal around with everything that’s included per person.
I have also realized that all that grand-ness isn’t really necessary to me. I went to a wedding in May that had beautiful grounds, but other than the couple’s ceremony, I didn’t use them at all. My opinion is, if the food is great, the entertainment is good, and the company is even greater…. no one will care what the walls look like. 🙂
Post # 6
I say go for it, seems like there are a lot of positives. You can work magic with decor and uplights.. and a great photographer can make the space look better in pictures than you even remembered it.
Post # 7
Thank you so much ladies! I really appreciate your advice! I think you are all right and you have made some wonderful suggestions. I am on board rationally, now I just have to try to get excited about it!
Post # 8
I was in this EXACT same situation, I mean exact. from the price, guest list, hours,cultural food and EVERYTHING. In the end we chose the venue we wanted, which happened to be urban and chic haha. His parents offered to pay but they wanted to pretty much control eveything so we did decided to do it our way.
BUT, if you are even remotely comfortable doing it their way, do it! The more money you can save for yourself, the better! I shudder at how my much money this wedding is gonna drain me of; the more financial help the better.
Post # 9
You can do a lot with decor and DIY. See what the venue will allow you to do/won’t do, and go from there.
I was in a sort of similar situation, and we decided that we will do a destination wedding instead. That way there is less control on my parents side, but it is in a location that is beautiful. Lots of compromise is a must.
Post # 10
I originally wanted a different venue than my mom. It was more expensive and gorgeous, and we probably couldn’t have invited nearly as many people. I’m a few days out from my wedding, and I can tell you that I don’t regret caving in at all. The place is still really nice and it’s been awesome to spend the money elsewhere. My mom was even able to put $50 towards each Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. I feel like it was a great decision.
Post # 11
It sounds like your wedding will be great in the space your parents have picked out, so I think it’s a good idea to compromise (especially because they are paying!). And once you commit to this space you can start brainstorming about how to decorate. I’m sure you’ll come up with something wonderful!
Post # 12
its about you two. i think you guys should do what makes YOU BOTH happy. I keep having to remind my mom that its not her wedding.
Post # 13
Ideally, I would love to think of this as a cost-saving measure, but since we will be inviting so many more people, I don’t think we will be saving any extra by having it there.
Post # 14
I am having my wedding at an ugly venue too. My original venue was great – mountain views, beautiful room, fully catered, etc. When the budget got cut in half, we ended up cancelling and then booking an American Legion. I hate the inside of the legion – and I was so against it until I got some new ideas. We are bringing in round tables and folding white chairs, instead of using rectangles and the grey metal chairs. We are using a pipe and drape system to cover the walls of military memorabilia. And we are doing a draping of tulle balls and white fairy lights on the ceiling. Hopefully, all of this will take away from the hall feel.
It can be done – you just need to see different ways of decorating. Don’t focus so much on the location, but more on how to make it the day you want.
Post # 15
My honey-do wants to get married at some twin lighthouses up North. I do NOT want to do that. I haven’t been dreaming of that since I was six.
He also “envisioned” some wedding colors that were not anywhere on my radar AND a dress style that I am uninterested in, and THEN he imagined a hairstyle I do not want to do!!
Well, we’re not going to Boston or wherever, that’s out. I looked into the hairdo, and I might do a compromise. It’s hard because I sweat easily and I need to have my hair up or it’ll be ruined. He wants it down, but I’m telling you–wet and frizzy. So he probably wont get his way with that. But, I like his wedding colors, and I’m interested in making those work. I also looked into buying a 6ft lighthouse and I’m looking into a lighthouse themed decor. These were hard choices, because I’m a real brat, seriously.
The best part of it is, the only thing he thinks I don’t like is the lighthouse venue. I say it’s the best part because, instead of just telling him no to all his suggestions, I’m going to give as many of them a try as I can. I might like a different dress style, and the new colors and the lighthouse theme are fun. No one lives in Boston, all guests would have to travel, I’d have to be away from my huskies too long, and I’m not interested in planning a wedding long distance with no local support.
What you have to consider is EVERYONE including yourself. Where it’s important, stand your ground; where you can please others without it crushing you, then do so. The wedding is important to both families. Sometimes, it’s easy to lose sight that even your sister or brother or closest uncle have emotional feelings about you getting married. So always handle their feelings with care and actually give their suggestions some thought before declining them. Everyone wants to feel a part of it. Make them prove it, too, by helping you decorate! LOL