Post # 1
A few people IRL know that we have been struggling TTC and are now asking what our next step is. We are planning to do our first IUI this cycle. I am a little on the fence whether I want to share this now that it has become a reality. With many of the people in my life I know that the story would spread like wildfire. I know I don’t have to share how we conceived (should IUI be successful) and I think it is important to spread light on infertility and the options out there but just not sure where I’m at.
If you don’t mind sharing, what are your experiences/opinions?
Post # 3
Though we aren’t currently considering IUI or IVF, I can tell you my general thoughts on how much info I am comfortable sharing. My husband and I are actually pretty private people. Some people in our life have asked us if we are interested in having kids and I usually confirm that we are. If they push farther, I tell them things haven’t happened on their own and we are pursuing help from doctors and leave it at that. For me, that’s all I’m willing to share.
Our very closest family and friends know what medicine I am on and where I am at. They know it’s not public knowledge and I trust them to keep it confidential. It’s nice to have a few friends who know what is going on and what we are going through. Their support has been amazing so having them know when specific things are happening has been nice so that they can check in and be supportive.
But, for most people, “we’re working with doctors” is enough, in my opinion.
Post # 4
What has you hesitating? I doubt people will be anything less than supportive. My SIL did 3 rounds of IUI, none of which were successful, and has now moved on to IVF. I think she’d be having an even harder time with things is she had kept it in and not shared/allowed herself to lean on us and her friends.
Post # 5
I personally don’t have this issue, but my friends with fertility challenges have been nothing but open about it. I wouldn’t be fussed either way – it’s their choice to tell me or not.
I am a very private person so I doubt I will be discussing TTC with anyone because I don’t think it’s any of anyone’s business (that goes for fertility challenges too).
I think it is common to be open about it, but I personally wouldn’t be because I don’t discuss things like that with anyone but my husband.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Whatever makes you more comfortable but the reason there is such a stigma attached is because more people don’t talk about it as a viable option. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother if you have to use Clomid or IUI or IVF or a surrogate or adoption. They are all viable options for becoming a parent and the more we talk about them, the less stigmatized they will be. I say good luck and congratulations to every mom and dad I know.
Post # 7
I am currently undergoing IUI and no family member or friends know of this. I did, however, told my boss because there are times, with this process, that I have to come in late or leave early. My boss knows this is a private matter and he agreed not to say anything. DH and I agreed that this is our private struggle and will not tell anybody how we conceive our child/children. I wish you all the luck in the world and hopefully IUI does the trick for you.
Post # 8
A friend’s sister posted on FB on her son’s first birthday that they conceived him using IVF and how glad they are that they did. I’m typically against overshare on FB or oversharing in general but I was really touched and I know other people were as well. Her openness was appreciated, especially from some of our friends struggling with infertility. I would say to share as much as YOU feel comfortable with, it really is your business and only your business, but you might really help other people in the process.
Post # 9
I think I might tell people after I’ve conceived how it happened. I’m planning on letting people know how long it took anyway because most people I know got pg accidentally or within a month or 2 so I assumed that’s how it would be for me and I feel so alone. I hope by sharing that if any of my mates were in the same boat they’d feel less alone knowing they know someone who struggled. I say this thou and I’m still a few months from Dr intervention, maybe if I go thru IUI or IVF I might feel different at the time…
Post # 10
If there’s a stigma attached to infertility it’s because people don’t talk about it. The only people who seem to talk are the people who get pregnant right away, creating the false impression that everybody gets pregnant on month 1, 2, or 3. I read somewhere recently (maybe on this board) that infertility affects as many as 1 in 10 couples, and that kind of blew my mind.
I haven’t experienced infertility, but for what it’s worth I voted yes. Seems to me that the more people are open about it, the sooner we’ll get to a point where infertility is understood to be a medical condition requiring medical treatment. And the sooner that becomes widely understood the sooner people will stop saying “just relax” and other frustrating comments, and the sooner we might see better insurance coverage for some of these treatments. So the more awareness, the better.
Post # 11
Thanks ladies! I really don’t have a good explanation for hesitating. I agree that more people need to talk about infertility and attempt to dispel the stigma. I typically am very private however have told a few people about our struggles. I feel that it is my story to share and would hope those that know respect that and allow us to share if/when we decide and not spread their version of story
Post # 12
If it somehow came up then I would discuss it, but generally I wouldn’t just offer up that information. Its not anyone’s business and what difference does it make to anyone else?
Post # 13
I conceived my son through IUI. I was relatively quite about it while we were going through the treatments. I mostly just had enough to go through without having to answer any unwanted questions or listen to unwanted advice (if it could just happen when I relaxed, I wouldn’t need these treatments!). However, after we announed our pregnancy I became more open about it. I’m so glad I did. I’ve had several people reach out to me saying they’ve gone through the same thing, or are about to and have questions.
It’s such an isolating thing to go through, with a negative stigma as PP have said. So, if I can help at least one person not feel so alone going through it, I was glad to get it all out in the open.
I’m a mom, and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter how we had to get him.
Post # 14
@Candy_Nee: I am so glad your experience was able to help others, that is why I have leaned towards telling some people. I am so sick of the “relax” comments, they are truely some of the most annoying comments! thanks for sharing.
Post # 15
I am a very open person and I also think that a lot of medical issues are misunderstood and it’s important to share them. While I am several years away from attempting to conceive, I imagine if we needed to have medical help I would be very open about that. I have been depressed much of my life and am on antidepressants and go to therapy and I am very open about that because I believe mental health issues are very misunderstood and want anyone else who is suffering to know that they can live a full and mentally healthy life if they seek help, but that sometimes help is needed in order to do that, and I feel that is much more personal as it often leads to talking about my suicide attempts, darkest periods of my life, etc. And I think if I am okay with talking to a stranger about the times I tried to kill myself, it would probably not be an issue to talk about how I conceived.
I also think there is some similarity between the way mental health issues are talked about and the way infertility is talked about – like if you just TRIED HARDER or THOUGHT RIGHT about it, you would magically be “normal.” But really they are medical conditions requiring medical intervention, and there is absolutely no shame in needing that!
Post # 16
Well. I suppose this is slightly different, but it took clomid for us. I got my first “was it planned?”. I replied with “having to use fertility drugs and all”. When we were still trying it was this horrible embarrassing feeling because something WAS wrong with me. Now I’m proud and don’t want others to feel how I did so I think its totally ok to talk about it. I won’t bring up the subject but if asked or prompted with a stupid question to begin with, I’ll tell. 🙂