(Closed) Haven’t been able to get over a snide comment from my Mother.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Whaat? 30 people? Embarrassingly large? That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard! I’m so sorry – don’t feel bad for what you’re planning. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it!

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d be mad, too. My mom has that attitude towards me with my dad. I’ll fester on things he says, get pissier and pissier, then i’m boiling and she goes “he didn’t mean it that way. chill out, it’s not a big deal” which doesn’t help. After venting to Darling Husband i usually cool down. That and a few days, maybe a week. He once suggested I put my kitty down b/c his vet bills were high (About $800-$1000 but nothing i coudln’t afford over 3 months) and mom didn’t see why i was so pissed. Anyways, it was the insensitivity of the remark that got to me, which I’m guessing is a big fueler for why you’re upset. That and a little bit of, “who is SHE to tlak to me about this?!” which would peeve me a lot. My aunt, who’s been married OVER 12 TIMES gave me “marriage advice” and that was just running through my head and ticking me off!

Mostly i’m just sympathizing with you. I have yet to find “the answer” to this dilemna. I usually ignore and fester tho

Post # 5
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t want to upset you, but that sounds like a statement that was intended to cause you pain, though maybe only subconsciously.

Do not change your wedding plans. I think you should confront your mom, and tell her, “that was a mean thing to say, I do not appreciate that at all, and I will not tolerate that kind of treatment. This is my choice, and as plenty of people have supported you in your choices in life, I hope you will find the grace to return the favor down the line. If such grace is not within you, the least you could do is grin and bare it. I will not tolerate hurtful comments.”

Don’t ask her to apologize, just tell her how it is going to be. She isn’t going to say those things anymore. Next time she starts on it, hang up the phone or walk away. No need to scream, just don’t acknowledge it.

Post # 6
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That’s crazy talk! 30 people seems to me the definition of an intimate and small affair, not “embarrassing” at all–and anyway I wouldn’t be embarrassed even if you had a big blowout for a second marriage, who cares? It’s you and your FI’s time to celebrate your love for one another!

I think moms can sometimes just get an extra dose of crazy during weddings–many of them have got lots of mixed emotions swirling around (happiness, envy, worry, desire to control everything, you name it).

Post # 7
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

have your wedding the way YOU want it.

Post # 8
Member
7364 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Thats just rude.  You should have whatever kind of wedding you want- regardless of it being your 1st or 6th or whatever.  Not nice, I’d be miffed.

Post # 9
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

((Hugs))

That’s a tough thing to say, no wonder you haven’t been able to get over it.  One thing I’ve found helpful is to let my mom know that the reason I get so hurt by what she says is that I love her lots and value her opinion more than most.  And emphasize that you are so happy with your wedding; it’s hard to be harsh to someone who’s floating on air.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with everyone here. It’s YOUR wedding… maybe she has something else on her mind that would make her say something like that. Often times when someone says something out-of-character like that, they may be having some other conflict within themselves. Try not to take it personally! <3

Post # 11
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have YOUR WEDDING…if YOU want to elope…then elope….if  YOU want the 30 people ceremony….havei t! …and just understand that you won’t get an apology and move it along.  Don’t let her spoil your brain. Was it out of line…yes…are you going to get the apology you want?  No.  Is 30 people too much? Nope. Be happy you are getting married!!! Congrads!

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