(Closed) Haven't been asked to be a bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh I am sorry this has happened to you.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Just because she was a bridesmaid in your wedding does not mean you are automatically one in hers. You don’t jnow everything that is in play. Have you been in close contact since your wedding? Have you seen her in person since she got engaged? Could she potentially have female relatives either on her side or his that she needs to include to avoid family drama?

Turing down another role because you are upset you aren’t a bridesmaid is a pretty petty response in my opinion. I’d just be very happy for her and let her know that if there was anything I could help with to let me know. 

Unless you are ok with losing your friendship over this, I’d just let it go and do what a good friend does -offer to help and be happy for her.

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry this sucks. However try to remember it’s her wedding day and she gets to make those choices. She probably has her reasons. Just try to be supportive and a good friend during this time.

Post # 8
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Could it be that you are married – are the other bridesmaids still single?  In some cultures they only have single females as bridesmaids. I was really surprised the first wedding I went to and there was a married bridesmaid.  I come from a Greek background and that is how it’s usually done.  

Post # 10
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sucks but I don’t think ther is nothing you can do. However, if she really is a good friend and asks you to do something else I don’t see why you would decline. 

A good friend (and one of my 2 BMs) is getting married and not having a wedding party she always said she wanted me as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I want to share the planning and such with her. I know it hurts to not be included regardless of the circumstances but you should not let it hurt your friendship. 

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I see a few possibilities:

  • She hasn’t got around to asking you yet
  • She is going to ask you to do something else
  • She no longer feels as close to you as she once did and feels closer to the girls she picked
  • Something happened between the two of you that makes her no longer want you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man
  • Something outside of her control (i.e. family drama, venue space constraints, budget constraints, etc) means she can’t have all the BM’s she wanted and so she had to make cuts

No matter the reason, my advice is the same. Just be a good friend, be excited for her, offer to help, and move past this small hiccup in your relationship.

Post # 12
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m very sorry and understand how this hurts your feelings.  I think I’d try to look at the silver lining of it all.  Hopefully you’d still be included in things like the bachelorette party and bridal shower.  It just means you aren’t going to spend $100+ on dress/shoes that you’ll never wear again.

Post # 13
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The friend (friend A) that introduced my husband and I kind of lost touch the year before my wedding.  We still talked from time to time, but we weren’t as close as we had once been.  My hubby only had two groomsmen that he wanted up there with him.  I chose the two closest friends I had at the time (friend B and friend C) , so everything would look even.  The reason I didn’t choose friend A was because she has two small children and I thought that she would feel too much pressure with everything else in her life.  Plus like I said we weren’t as close as we had been once.  When she got the save the date, she called me and told me that she wanted to help me in anyway possible, she was so excited for us.  She offered her help in so many ways, (actually this was major because the other two bridesmais were so busy that I was doing almost everything by myself up until that point) fnally I decided who cared if it was even, so I asked her to be a bridesmaid, actually made her maid of honor.  I wasn’t going to have one, everyone just thought I had yet to make that decision.  So long story short, offer to help her out in any ways that she may need help.  Show her that you care about her wedding being great, and being there to help when she needs it.  She may not make you a bridesmaid, but she will remember that you were there for her when she needed you, and THAT is what friendship is about.  Since my wedding I feel so grateful to my “late addition maid of honor”  I will never forget how she was there for me when I needed her!

P.S. I am throwing her a surprise baby shower next month, both her previous childrens baby showers were kind of blah last minute affairs, so I decided to show her how much she means to me, this one is going to be great!

Post # 14
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry you’re feeling hurt. Maybe she just hasn’t asked you yet?  Maybe her and Fiance decided on smaller wedding party? I really wanted 6 BMs but Fiance only wanted 4, so we went with 5 and I ended up having to leave out a close friend of mine. It’s not the end of the world plus you’ll be able to enjoy her day as a guest! I’m definitely including my friend who isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man in all the parties if she wants to attend so she will get to experience all of that with me if she wants (without the cost and stress!)

I honestly wouldn’t bring it up to her. It’s a very awkward position to put her in.  My friend that is not a Bridesmaid or Best Man asked me 3 times who my wedding party was (maybe hoping it would change and suddenly she would be included?) After I told her for the 3rd time she asked why she wasn’t included. It was a very uncomfortable conversation. I don’t think it’s really necessary to ask her why. I think the answer is pretty clear – she had a limited number of spots and asked people she felt she was closest with. Asking her about it just sets you up for being hurt doubly as you have to hear it from the horses mouth.  I also don’t really think she owes you any sort of explanation personally.  

Post # 15
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, you can’t demand to be a bridesmaid, but I certainly understand you feeling hurt. Honestly, I was on the other side, where there were a group of 4 of us that were really tight, and when I got married, I really wanted 2 of them and not the third (the reasons why are too long to get into here). However, there was no way I could ask the two and not the third, so I had them all. It went fine.

I DO think it is very hurtful to ask all but one in your group of friends, and I really don’t know what your friend is thinking. Unless there is something you are not telling us, if this group regularly hangs out together, asking all but one is just begging for bad feelings and your friend had to realize that. I may not have wanted the third in my wedding, but I still deeply cared about her and didn’t want to hurt her feelings so she was still included.

It might be a bit awkward to ask the bride what happened, so could you maybe try and feel it out from one of the other girls? I am sure they know why.

Post # 16
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Did something happen at your wedding that would turn her off to asking you?  IE, were you super controlling, grumpy, complaining about things at your wedding that it would make it seem like you would be a bad bridesmaid?

 

Otherwise I would agree with the other in thinking maybe she hasnt asked you yet.  I asked 5 out of the 6 of my girls in the same week, and waited to ask the last one for over a month or two because I was nervous that she may say no (she is a tom boy and doesnt really get involved in the whole wedding thing).  

Or she just didnt have room for you…which is always sad to think, but the reality.  I thought it would be hard to choose the 6 bridesmaids for my wedding, but I ended up having a hard time narrowing it down!

 

Just try not to take it too personally…Im sure you may have had other girls you wanted to ask, but didnt have room for.

 

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