having a baby at 40?

posted 8 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I know lots of people who had unexpected babies around 40.  Two of these couples had been trying to conceive since their 20s and had given up.  I donno what happens but there seems to be lots of couples who things start working or all of a sudden or a kid 10 years younger than their other kids comes along.  Everyone I’ve seen has been happy and for some ways happier than the older kids.  Of course there’s risks of waiting and it may be harder to conceive so there’s always a trade-off. 

Post # 4
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m 33 and we’re hoping for a baby soon but my brother (who’s 35) and his wife (who’s 42 – I think…or 43) have been trying for over a year (they got married in May 2009) and are now expecting a baby thanks to IVF.  It has been a really emotional and stressful experience for both of them.  It was also pretty physically trying for my sister in law – injections and lots of tests. 

I also know of a couple women who had children in their late 30’s/early 40’s without any medical intervention and couldn’t have been happier.

There’s no way to know!  I hope you’re able to make the decision that makes you happiest!  And congrats on your recent wedding!

Post # 5
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I said this in another thread, but I’ll post it here, not to be a buzz-kill, but in the interest of accuracy: Many women can have healthy pregnancies and babies well into their 40s, but some cannot.

I know this first-hand: My doctor ran some fertility tests around my 36th birthday and told me I’d never have children. According to her, I’d already “waited too long” and would be unable to conceive. It was the most shocking and devastating news I’ve ever received! Of course I said, “Oh what do they know? I’ll beat the odds!” Years of trying, heartbreak and expense proved them right. I am now 44 and childless despite trying every treatment in the book.

If you seriously want children, go to a fertility specialist NOW. Seriously, call today! While there’s “no way to know,” your body does give some clues. Ask to have your day-3 FSH measured, or to have a Clomid Challenge test. Most women’s fertility declines sharply between 35 and 40 and the risk of complications climbs. In addition to tests, take seriously any changes in your cycle (shorter/longer/heavier/lighter) and see a doctor immediately if things start to shift.

Granted, I’m in the bottom 1% but, take it from me, this “what if?” is a really big one, so please take it seriously and don’t put it off too long.

Post # 6
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I was 38 when I had my daughter and if we were to have a second it would probably be somewhere around the age of 42.  I feel no more or less able than my 20-something mom friends.  And for me, doing it any earlier would have been a disaster.  (I had a lot of growing up to do).  (Though I have so much respect for my younger mommy friends who are way more mature than I ever was!)

We’ll probably adopt number 2, but I feel completely comfortable that my body could tolerate having a baby in my 40s.

In Seattle, it’s pretty normal!

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with PP.  It can be fine or it can be very dangerous.  It think its something to discuss with your MD.  Not to be a buzz kill either but a friend of our family just passed away.  She had her first child at 40 something C-section.  Had what I believe to be pregnancy/post-op complications.  And died, leaving behind a 7 day old child.  Very sad.  Not the case for everyone obviously and many people have healthy babies in their 40s.  I think that I wouldnt worry so much about how youll do emotionally but I would definitely make sure you know all the facts, and risks.  Anyone having a child over 35 is considered High-Risk.  Best of luck. 

Post # 8
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

not personally. Im only 24. but my mother had my brother when she was 40. My aunt had her last child at 43 and my Fiance’s mother has 13 children…she is 52 and her youngest just turned 6. Good Luck TTC when you do!

Post # 9
Member
2547 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There are risks and complications with every pregnancy at any age. Personally I had a kid young, pregnant at 20 and had my son a few weeks after my 21st birthday. Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing. My energy level is great, we are financially stable, and I could care less about all the supposed” things” I am missing out on. Alot of woman have children in their 40’s. I guess the greatest complication would be downs syndrome, and trisomy 18 and other health risks that it poses on your fetus because genetically the baby is at risk for those in older woman. It is as high as something like 1 in 50 pregnancies, where as in younger pregnancies it is 1 in 2000 or something ridiculous like that. But I wouldn’t focus on the negetive. If you are a healthy, happy, active woman, I am almost certain you would, along with other older ladies have a healthy, happy pregnancy. You should talk to you doctor of course, but I am a big supporter of woman having children at any age!

Post # 10
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

There are many women who have healthy pregnancies in their 40s, but it’s risky.  If you’ve never had children and want to, I probably wouldn’t suggest waiting until your forties to try, that kind of seems like tempting fate a little bit, with respect to fertility. Not many women actually choose to wait until their forties to try to conceive, for good reason.

Hell, I’m only 32 (33 by the time I get married) and I’m already freaking out that I’m getting too old to conceive! The thought of a baby bump or morning sickness during my wedding is the only thing keeping us from trying right now.

Women’s fertility is a bitch.  Those of us that wait until a little later in life don’t have the luxury of having “just us” time in our marriage, thanks to the finite nature of our fertility.  Thems the breaks, I guess. The risk in trying to have it all is that you may end up not getting what you want most of all. 🙁

Sorry for being a buzz-kill.  

Post # 11
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Who says you can’t enjoy your lives with a baby soon. I don’t think it’s worth the complications if you wait longer to have a baby. I think it’ll just make like more interesting for you guys.

Post # 12
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I was a surprise baby, my Mom thought she was in menopause but was pregnant with me instead. She was 48 at the time and already a grandmother!

Post # 13
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m in my 40’s, getting married next year. My partner and I are trying for a baby now.  I’m healthy as far as I know, just have to wait and see if nature intends me to be a mum.  I have a gorgeous 5 yr old stepson, who I love dearly so will still have a child in my life.  I worry about being an older mum, but my partner is 11 years younger than I am, so I’ll just let him do all the running around lol.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and emotionally I don’t feel any older now than I did in my 20’s.Laughing

Post # 14
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Congrats on your marriage! You shouldn’t have a baby if you aren’t ready, BUT trying after 40 means your odds of conceiving and having a healthier pregnancy and child are considerably less. Each year, your chances of conceiving go down and the chances of ‘problems’ go up. Just know that and make the decision that is best for you and your husband.

Everybody knows somebody who had a baby after 40, but many also know people  who have been trying and can’t have a baby after 40.  I’m only 33 and can’t have a baby right now because I have to have a bunch of fibroids removed. Some women in their 20’s can’t get pregnant. Some women at 45 get pregant. The thing is, nobody knows what will happen unless they start trying.

I personally wouldn’t wait that long, but it’s up to you and your husband!

Edit: I should add that I’m 33 and my husband and I want to have a baby by 34 if possible, so as to have our second (and last) by 36 strictly due to my age. My OBGYN said after 38, she starts seeing the most problems with her patients and pregnancy.

Post # 15
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Everyone is right, the chances of getting pregnant at 40 plus are a lot less.  I realise this, but am level headed about it.  My reason is simple I never met the right man before to have children with,

He is such a great dad to his son (from a previous relationship) it would just be great if we had a child together.  We are not going to try any treatments, just let nature decide. I know it would be a high risk pregnancy if I did manage to conceive, tere isn’t any guarantee I woul carry full term.

You have to be aware of all the risks, I did research on the internet and spoke to my doctor fully about positives and negatives.  Even though I feel I am quite well balanced about it, it is still very emotional.

Would trying for a baby now really be out of the question?

Post # 16
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Let me start this off by saying that I totally understand why you want to wait before you have children. And I support you waiting, because it is important to have some time for just the two of you. And that for some people, having a baby young is just. Not. Feasible. I get it, I really do, and I support having children WHENEVER IT’S BEST FOR YOU (because you’re going to be looking after them for 18 years or more!).

But…waiting until you’re in your forties does carry risks, both for you and the baby. The risks of fetal defects are higher, the health risks for you during pregnancy, birth, and the post-partum period go up, and it can just be all-around more difficult to be a parent in your 40s, 50s & 60s. (Plus there’s the fertility issue that people are mentioning.)

That’s not to say I don’t support you waiting — because I do — and I’m also not trying to tell you that EVERYONE over forty who gets pregnant has difficulties…but I guess what I’m trying to say is make an informed decision. If starting a family is something that you REALLY WANT, then maybe it’s better to do it now. Or, consider something like adoption, which puts much less strain on your body, and you could do it later (though you might want to look into the process now, since apparently it can take a long time).

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors