(Closed) Having a boy, but was hoping for a girl.

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 32
Member
4800 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I felt the same way when I found out I was having a boy –  I actually went and got another ultrasound done someplace else just to double check, because I had wanted and felt like I was having a little girl so badly. And those feelings stayed pretty raw for a little while – I felt awful and guilty about it, but I couldn’t help but tear up over the motherdaughter relationship I’d been imagining not being there. The closer I got to my due date the more it went away, but a little piece still lingered until my son was born. He is almost three weeks old now, and I have zero regrets or wishes that he’d been a girl instead. I love him so intensely and just can’t imagine wanting to change anything about him, he’s perfect! And I bet you feel the same way the second he’s placed in your arms (or in my case, the second I heard his cry – I had a c-section and had to wait several minutes to hold or even see him, but the second I heard him cry, eve though I couldn’t see him the reality hit that this was MY baby, that he was really here and was absolutely perfect to me.)

Post # 33
Member
6884 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Treejewel19:  It easier than you think to embrace cars, dinos and all other boy things. LOL I can roar better than my DH for Dino sounds. My little boy loves to ROARRRRRR ….

Post # 34
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@sept22insf:  I could have written this post 2 1/2 months ago.

 

I CONVINCED myself and my husband that we were having a girl. I mean, all the old wive’s tales said girl. Two psychics said girl. Intuition said girl. Everyone thought I was having a girl. And you know what? I so desperately wanted a daughter. A daughter to play Barbies and dolls with. A daughter to braid her hair and pick out cute little dresses. A daughter to take homecoming/prom dress shopping and to help her plan her wedding.

On 3/15 I went to my elective scan, wearing pink, because I already had a photo announcement idea ready. She puts the probe on my tummy and….

I said, “so wait. My daughter has a penis?” I faked being happy and left.

DH took me to a celebration lunch at Chilis. I ugly cried the whole time over my mini cheeseburgers. I felt like I had lost my daughter. I hadn’t even thought about having a boy. We had our girl name…no boy name. My hot pink and zebra nursery? Wasn’t happening anymore. I was now faced with the idea trucks, trains and action figures. 

We had our gender reveal on 3/22 at our wedding rehearsal dinner. Here’s the link…if you want to see it. 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1770455228108&set=vb.1441050819&type=3&theater

Excuse the terrible angle, it gives me a double chin. I was also trying hard to fight back tears After hearing everyone’s excitement, it helped. It did take a couple weeks, but now I am SO excited to have a little boy. He chose ME as his mama. I can’t wait to be cheering for him at tee ball, to prepare him to be a great man and boyfriend some day, to kiss his boo boos when he falls off of his bike, skateboard, etc.

If you ever need to talk, I am here!

 

 

 

Post # 35
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yesterday my friend had her 4th baby.  She now has 4 boys.  I feel kinda bad for her because even though she says she won’t be disappointed if it’s a boy, I know she really wanted that girl.

 

Post # 36
Member
13756 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Once  you’ve known someone who had a child born with a serious disease or disability,  a healthy baby is all you  want.    I know people who went for the girl times four or five.  I always wonder how it makes the youngest boys feel to suspect they were probsbly a disappointment.  

One thing I would caution. Once you are expecting or have a child,  if possible do not  tell people you feel this way if you are concerned it could ever get back to your child, even years from now.  People  have no filters.  I know one case of a couple getting a divorce and the H told the kid the mom didn’t want him  because he wasn’t a girl.  Of course, the mom loved him more than life at that point, but the boy was devastated.  So be careful, love the healthy, beautiful child you have and realize that one day soon you won’t be able to imagine anyone else in his place or  in your life. 

And if you can’t seem to let go of thoughts like this, I would consider therapy ( not meant to sound snarky) or see your doctor.  It’s  possible  that all  this is  a manifestation   of mild  post partum depression, which is also common.   If these feelings persist, don’t hesitate to tell your doctor!

Post # 37
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My BFF just went through this. She *knew* in her bones that she was having a girl, and just did NOT want a boy. At her u/s, she was looking at her husband as they started typing “it’s a BOY” across the screen, and her husband immediately says, “ohhhh it’s ok honey…” She’s all confused, lOoks at the screen and just breaks down in tears. Continues cryIng into her dr’s appt… She’s like, “I’m just so… Happy?” 

Afree about a week, she got over it. Thet named the baby, she stopped window shopping for baby girl clothes and focused on raising a happy & healthy son. She honestly got over it very quickly for someone who absolutely did not want a boy. She even took the news that I am having a girl really well! You’ll come around – I think it’s normal and ok to have these feelings!

Post # 38
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Don’t have any tips for dealing with disappointment that you know you’ll get over, but I certainly understand your disappointment right now. I really want a girl, and I keep referring to my baby as she, even though I’m about 12 weeks away from finding out. My husband keeps saying that I’ll be disappointed because baby’s going to be all boy.

Post # 40
Member
3415 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

@sept22insf:  I’m going to be totally honest right now and tell you that I was hoping beyond hope and actually told people that I KNEW I was going to have a girl.  I was the oldest in my family, my mom was the oldest in her family and my grandma was the oldest in her family, I felt I should carry on the tradition.  I bawled when I found out my oldest was a boy.  I know its stupid but my boyfriend and I had broken up when I was about 5 months along and I not only felt the girl being the oldest was a tradition (like we can choose) but I had hopes of having girl time, being besties etc.  By the time I had my son I was over it.  He was the best gift I could ever recieve.  Such a great kid and still is.

I got my daughter as my 3rd child and she has a twin brother.  I love her to pieces and we do get our mother/daughter times.  Most recently to watch a musical in the city last winter and again this Sept.  I now have a step daughter who is 14, so I guess I did get my oldest daughter Smile.

I will also admit that I had pangs of jealousy when my cousin got pregnant last year and lo and behold she had a girl.  I’ve always kind of a “sibling” rivalry with my cousin and you know how it goes she’s prettier, smarter, better at this that and the other.  So for her to get a daughter first was kind of another “of course she gets what I wanted”.  Again stupid of me to think that but sometimes you can’t help it.  And just an FYI I’ve NEVER admitted that to anyone lol.  I would be so embarassed if my family knew how jealous I was of my cousin and especially over the fact that she had a daughter as her first born and I didn’t.

Post # 42
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sept22insf:  We are going to TTC this summer & I keep saying how bad I want a boy. DH wants 2 kids, 1 boy and 1 girl. I was a nanny for 2 years for 3 different families, all boys & I loved them dearly. I have a wonderful niece who will be 5 in a few days and she’s totally a sassy pants. I think boys are amazing because they’ll love their mama’s forever & you can dress them until they go off to college. (At least my DH does…and his parents were still buyig his clothes when we started dating.)  Doesn’t that sound great? 

Post # 43
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think this is one reason DH and I want to be Team Green when we get pg.  We have a DD12 (from my previous relationship) and we both definitely want a boy.  But I know either way, once you hear your baby it doesn’t even matter the sex.  You automatically love them so much.  If we had another girl, we would love her.  If we had a boy, we would love him.  The hardest part will be NOT finding out!  It will also be the most fun part too!  

Post # 44
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I originally thought I wanted a girl because we have all nephews in my family. Soon after I got my BFP, my mom randomly came up with the idea that my first was going to be a boy, without even knowing I was pregnant. I was surprised and also a little disappointed, as crazy as that sounds. 

At my first ultrasound they couldn’t see a thing and diagnosed me with a failed pregnancy. I waited to miscarry for two weeks before going for a follow-up ultrasound. By the time I went to that ultrasound (at which I saw a fetus and a heartbeat), I honestly didn’t care whether I would be having a girl or a boy. All I wanted was a living, breathing, healthy baby. I’m now equally excited at the prospect of either gender.

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