Having a boy for our firstborn

posted 12 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sunflower188 :  activites aren’t reserved for “boys” an “girls”. you could have had a daughter who wanted nothing to do with pink and sparkles and wanted to do all the “tomboy” things, and you can sign your son up for ballet classes and dress him in pink if you want.

gender stereotypes lead to gendered socialization which leads to inequality. cut that shit out now. you can do your part.

Post # 3
Member
12075 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t know why you convinced yourself that something that had a 50:50 chance was so unlikely, but you need to get past it. Every child deserves to be welcomed and loved. If you can’t overcome these feelings, I’d suggest counseling. 

Post # 4
Member
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

it is very normal to be disapointed (for want of a better word) with the sex of your baby. In my mind it is one of the biggest reasons to not find out what you’re having, because once baby is here you won’t care what it is, its your baby and that is all that matters.

My firstborn is a boy and I will be honest I really wanted a boy. He is a wonderful kid and I love seeing him grow.

Being a good mum has nothing to do with the sex of the baby. It is just about how you love the child. My son is into traditional ‘boy’ things like trains and buses but he also loves animals and dancing and a TV show called Pointless. Those are very neutral things. I have no idea what will take over as he gets older. Yes, I might have to spend my weekends on the sidelines watching him play rugby or I might be sat in a dance hall watching him compete in sequins.

Post # 5
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Are you sure you kinda just wished so hard for it to be a girl that you felt it was true? Man, I’ll wish a million bucks into my wallet all I want and that will not happen lol

My mother grew up with seven little brothers. SEVEN! I popped out and she had a moment of weakness, because she had no idea how to raise a girl.

Then God laughed, and my sister was born.

And then God laughed again, and my OTHER sister was born.

And then God laughed once again, and I kid you not, my third sister was born. 

And honestly, my mom has done a pretty darn good job. 🙂

You are gonna be fine. Love that little boy with all your heart, and half the job of being a good parent is already all done.

Post # 6
Member
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just wanted to add – I wanted a boy so badly that I was convinced he was a girl,I think to prepare me just in case. We were team yellow so it was wonderful when my husband said ‘its a boy!’

Post # 8
Member
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

sunflower188 :  tbh I don’t know. The only thing I can think of is that I have an older brother and my husband is an older brother so in our immediate family the first born is a boy.

I also don’t have a burning desire for a girl. I am pregnant now (team yellow again) and if its a girl great, if its a boy great, but if it is a boy I won’t be having a third just to try for a girl. If I am honest I am also kinda hoping it is another boy.

I suppose I do just see myself as a mother to sons and I like talking about ‘my boys’.

My liitle boy is so wonderful, he is completely my world and he is sooo cute.

Post # 9
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

I mean, just because you are super girly and wanted to be BFF’s with your daughter doesn’t mean she would be girly and want to be BFFs with you. She could be a tomboy, play on the boys football team at school, hang out with all boys and not want to be your BFF.  You could have a daughter who is exactly like you and wants to be your bff. Its a crapshoot.

I think you just have to remember that your child is an individual and will have their own preferences, personality, desires, etc. You can’t dream up a specific scenario with your future kids and set your heard on it, because you have no control of how they will turn out. Even if they are completely different than you, you will still have tons of things to bond over and enjoy together. I know so many moms & sons who are best friends, i don’t think that title is exclusive to moms and daughters.

Post # 10
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

sunflower188 :  I don’t like sports, I don’t like getting dirty. I have a son and he’s amazing and I figure it out every day as I go. If you had a daughter she might want to play sports and roll around in the dirt, who knows. There’s nothing like a mamas boy though. 

Post # 11
Member
2038 posts
Buzzing bee

sunflower188 :  

 

First of all, I think a lot of people can relate to this but are too afraid or ashamed to admit it out loud. 

 

My husband and I were both the same, CONVINCED we were having a girl. Had a girl name picked out, had girl everything on the brain and when we found out we were having a boy—I was pretty disappointed. Darling Husband was also disappointed— we had our reasons for hoping for a girl, some of them were probably superficial, while others were more deeply rooted in me feeling strongly about raising a strong woman and wanting that opportunity. If your reasons are because you feel you’ll have trouble relating—that’s a perfectly legitimate fear for many first time parents. I’m not a huge girly girl, I like sports and outdoors and what not—and still had reservations about having a boy because, well—I just wanted to be a girl mom. Sue me!

 

What I think a lot of it comes down to is, you plan for what you feel familiar with —the other is an unknown and some people don’t relish or deal well with huge unknowns in life. Doesn’t mean they’re shit parents or have something wrong with them—it means that one of the single biggest changes in your life, that you’re about to push or pull out of your body, may or may not be something you have any idea of how to relate to or deal with! And anyone who says you should just shove it and push your feelings down about having any anxiety about that can seriously just STFU.

 

As far as practical advice on how to embrace it—it took us a little while to get used to the idea that we weren’t having a girl. I’m 35 weeks now and it seriously has gotten better the closer to the due date I get. A lot of it is because I’ve had several months to prepare, and his room is ready, and his clothes are sorted—it makes it seem very real. But also, people are referring to him as “my son” now, and for whatever reason, that kind of gave me some additional attachment. I’m now filling out paperwork for him and it goes deeper than just, sparkles or bow ties at this point, but the underlying feelings of not knowing what the hell I’m doing are still there.

 

I can almost promise you, you’ll start to come around. He’ll be here (or close to here) and you’ll start to well up with a lot of attachment and emotion. Everyone says there’s something about a boy and his mom, and I really think it’s true. What I look forward to is seeing him grow up and hopefully, be a really good man—just like his dad. So, hang in there! Don’t feel bad or overwhelmed if you can help it, being scared about what to do or how to feel is a big part of motherhood.

Post # 12
Member
6807 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

sunflower188 :  Our first (and so far only) child was a boy and we were so excited! The bond between a little boy and his mother is so strong and unique. He’s my little lovebug! 

As far as all the girly-girl things you wanted to do with a daughter, you can still do them with your son! Little boys can play dress up. They can have tea parties. I love cats and apparently all the kitty-related baby stuff is only made for girls. So my son has a pink kitty backpack and several pink-toned clothes. I don’t care. He looks adorable! 

I get that you just found out this information so it’s going to take a little bit to adjust your mindset, but trust me it’ll be okay. 

Post # 13
Member
5534 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Just because you wear pink and sparkles doesn’t mean your daughter would like those things! You can’t predict personality with either gender so I don’t see why you would automatically connect with a daughter more.

Post # 14
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I also feel it important to mention that you are not supposed to be your child’s BFF. That is not, and never will be, your job. You are their parent. 

Post # 15
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sunflower188 :  I have a daughter and she loves blocks, trains, cars, and dinosaurs – having a female child wouldn’t have guaranteed you a girly girl anyways so I think it’s a good thing that you’ve been thrown this loop. It will remind you to check yourself whenever you find you’re putting too much of your own personality on your kid.

You mother your children the same way regardless of their sex – with love and patience. As children get older you may realize you don’t have many interests in common but you will learn to adapt and find things you can enjoy together. 

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