Having a boy for our firstborn

posted 12 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 76
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

Just gonna jump in here and say… by the time a young boy’s foreskin is separated and pulls back naturally, he’s fiddling with it in the bath and it is being cleaned in the process. I challenge anyone to find a boy who doesn’t. (Hint, they all do it.) You really don’t need to get in there and “teach” him. 

Oh yeah, and NEVER PULL THE SKIN BACK BEFORE IT DOES IT ON ITS OWN NATURALLY. Period. 

Post # 77
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

When I found out that I was having a boy, I cried for a day.  Then I slowly got used to the idea of having a boy.  He is a year old now, and he is so wonderful and sweet.  He is my heart.  While I would love to have a girl for my 2nd child, I wouldn’t be disappointed if I had another boy!

Post # 78
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

daisy123 :  yeah. I figured it’d be easy enough to basically just tell him to add soap.. boys are obsessed with their penises. It really was just supposed to be a joke..

Post # 79
Member
2757 posts
Sugar bee

anondotcom :  They really are! My son is 9 months and has already discovered his penis. Every time that diaper comes off…

Post # 80
Member
4065 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m really into stereotypical girl things, and my firstborn is a boy. The fun thing is i get to learn about all the “boy” things he’s interested in right along with him. I get to experience things like monster truck racing for the first time with him, and imo that makes it even more special. Having a boy has expanded my horizons. 

Post # 81
Member
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

sunflower188 :  You don’t know how to be a mom to either gender! This is your first child so you dont know what kind of mom you’re going to be to anyone. I don’t mean that as disrespect but just trying to get you to realize you are going way over board with this. I’m not in your shoes but damn. I can bet you’re going to regret spending all this time being miserable by the time he comes. You’re going to wish you had enjoyed these moments because life is short and you blink and your whole life passes by. Try thinking about the positive things that will happen and focus on the fact that you’re becoming a mom at all. You’re just a mom. Stop considering yourself a “girl mom” or a “boy mom” based on unrealistic expectations. 

Post # 82
Member
9210 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

DoubleD :  Exactly.

OP, by your logic, if you had a girl but she ended up a total tomboy, then you wouldn’t know how to be a “girl mom” either. 🤷‍♀️

Post # 83
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Your job as a mom isn’t to be best friend or do “girly things” with your kids.

Besides, you seem to be quite fixated on how a boy or a girl WILL be based on an US scan of their genitals. That’s not how real people work.

Post # 84
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Look, I get the disappointment. I think a *lot* of parents find themselves a bit disappointed one way or the other and honestly, that’s okay, as long as you process and get over it.

I’m pregnant with a boy (due in February), and it hit me kinda hard – I feel guilty about it, but I had always imagined myself with a daughter. My fantasy was a little different from yours, though – I totally fantasized about teaching her how to be a strong feminist woman, how to stand up for herself despite gender stereotypes, etc.

When found out we were having a boy, I freaked out. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to teach him empathy, I fretted about the possibility of him growing up to treat women badly, be sexist, etc. I worried that he would drift away from us when he was older, as so many guys I know have drifted from their families.

But I finally realized that these distinctions were based on my own conceptions of gender and types, and that in reality the challenge I had ahead of me had not changed. I had been excited about the challenge of figuring out how to raise a tough-but-kind, empathetic-but-empowered woman. Now I’m excited about the challenge of figuring out how to raise a tough-but-kind, empathetic-but-empowered man. What *has* changed is what society will try to tell him he is, but his father and I have a lot of power to counteract that.

You need to take a serious look at your assumptions about how your child will be based on their genitalia/chromosomes. Society will have lots to say about what your child ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ be based on XX vs XY. Not only do you not need to perpetuate the same bullshit stereotypes, you have a responsibility not to.

Stop assuming what your boy will and will not like. He could be into fashion and ballet. Or monster trucks. Or english literature. You have absolutely no idea. But if you decide FOR HIM what he will and will not be, you will limit his scope. Please don’t do that to him.

Post # 85
Member
2812 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, the fact that you thought you knew exactly how you’d parent a girl likely makes it better that you’re having a boy – because you’re less likely to project your own expectations of how they should be on them.

I’ve had tomboyish female friends with girly girl mothers that refused to accept that their daughter would want anything but ballet and pretty dresses, and it damaged their relationship a lot. On the other side of things, my tomboyish mum assumed she’d have tomboyish daughters, but wound up with one girly girl (my sister) and they struggled to connect for a long time. 

It’s much better to go in with no assumptions about what your kid will be like so they feel free to be themselves. Your child will teach you who they are rather than the other way around. 

Post # 86
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

npoliver :  sorry but if you haven’t had a baby then you won’t understand !!

Post # 87
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

You’ll bond with your baby regardless of gender so don’t worry. Babies love their moms and according to my friends who’ve had both, boys really really love their moms. They’ve told me boys are extra cuddly and clingy. One of them who had a girl a few months older than my son used to tell me every time she saw us how much she missed having a baby boy. I get how your concerned about bonding though – my mom and I never really bonded when I was young and in addition to that I was a tomboy and she was a girly girl. We had almost no common ground and it wasn’t until my early 20’s that we really started to build a relationship. I was super concerned that this would happen to me as well and so far so good! Having a baby is an amazing experience but having a boy for me has been awesome… and if you need any more reassurance, my husband is a boy boy and he goes for pedicures with his mom and enjoys them more than me.

Post # 88
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I grew up in a all female family.. I never was around boys. My first born was a girl & for some reason I just always pictured being a mom of 3 girls. My 2nd born was a boy. And I had gender  disappointment, but then I felt him kick a few days after finding out & that  disappointment went away. And when I gave birth to him I wouldn’t put him down. I held him all night long.. and watched the sun come up with him in my arms. I was so in love. And I have the best bond with him. Everything will come  naturally once you have your son ♥️ 

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