(Closed) Having a Bride Assistant to wrangle in Bridesmaids?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

They’re your friends, not your employees. Stop being so self-absorbed, these women have their own lives. Also ‘it’s not their fault, they don’t know any better’. Really?!

 

Spend more time maintaining your friendships, and having fun, instead of trying to wrangle your friends like cattle.

Post # 3
Member
1050 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think it’s an awful idea. 

Post # 4
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I know you don’t mean to but you are sounding RIDICULOUS! These people are your friends. You seem to not want to involve them but are disappointed that they’re not doing anything. What are your expectations of them? You seem very blunt so I would write out all your expectations, send it to them, and see if they still want to be your bridesmaids. 

 

I personally am am not usually this blunt, but my impression from your post is that you like to be honest, and hopefully receive honest comments too. Sorry if this comes off too harsh.

Post # 5
Member
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your girls are not employees to be managed. When is your wedding? Perhaps you’re just too far out for them to be worrying about those kinds of things yet.

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I feel someone ought to point out that you aren’t owed a shower or bachelorette. If your girls, or other special people in your life, want to throw one or both of those events for you, they’ll do it. If, logistically, it doesn’t work out for them, or no one wants to host, then you won’t participate in those events. BUT, you will have your close girlfriends (with whom you say you have a positive relationships), standing by your side on your wedding day. At the end of your wedding day, you’ll be married. And then you’ll have a marriage to maintain  . . . so, all of this is truly a drop in the bucket of your life.

It may be that all of your communication as been overbearing so far – how far out is your wedding? Especially if each of them lives somewhere different, I think it’s best if you let these things blossom organically, and lower your expectations. Not only will you not have any disappointment to communicate through a third party, or to “gently” deliver yourself, but lowering yout expectations will make it far less likely that anything related to one day of your life will cause issues in your long-term, very special friendships. 

Post # 7
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

View original reply
MrsHistory-Bee:  I agree with PP that you shouldn’t do this, but I don’t think they needed to be so snarky in their replies. 

I, too, had trouble getting my bridesmaids together for anything. Unfortunately you’ll either have to keep pushing or give up (I recommend giving up). I stopped trying to get the together, because it would just upset me when things fell through (this could apply virtually, for your case). Yeah, it sucks that sometimes it seems like they don’t care. But for some girls, it doesn’t seem real until your wedding day is much closer, so perhaps they’ll liven up as time progresses. Mine certainly seem more interested now that we are less than 2 months out.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

whaaaa?

If you have a full-fledged planner, can’t you handle this (still not sure what the prob is…) yourself? I’d be so put off if some random liaison started approaching me asking me what I think about my friend’s wedding stuff. It’s a wedding, not a work place. If they are living in different places and don’t know each other, what the heck are you expecting? Don’t treat this like an HR issue. 

Post # 10
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
MrsHistory-Bee:  wait, why aren’t you doing it yourself instead of having a liaison? Isn’t that your job anyways, to make sure they all get to know each other?

 

This reminds me of hiring a German Shepherd to monitor their sheep o_O

Post # 10
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
MrsHistory-Bee:  wait, why aren’t you doing it yourself instead of having a liaison? Isn’t that your job anyways, to make sure they all get to know each other?

 

This reminds me of hiring a German Shepherd to monitor their sheep o_O

Post # 12
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Can I gently point out that while I can see the LOGIC behind your idea, what I fear you are actually setting up is a potential for some good old bitching behind your back. If your friends are the nice people you say they are (and I don’t doubt this) the idea that they have a third party to vent their frustrations about you to is one they’ll feel desperately uncomfortable with.

Worse, of course, they won’t feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes you just need to know you can’t micromanage every situation. Logical as that may seem in theory.

Trust your bridesmaids. If you make your expectations clear about the role you’ve asked them to play and they have your best interests at heart they’ll step up to the plate. If they don’t then sadly, you’ve learned a valuable lesson about how sustainable your friendship is. 

Post # 13
Member
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

This sounds strange… I would never ever vent to a liaison as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and honestly would find it really weird if a bride told me that I should. “Deal” with your BMs by yourself. They are your friends, not your employees.

Their only “duty” is to show up on your wedding day in the dress you picked.

Post # 14
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Among the many crazy things that stand out to me about this is, you’re going to put one girl to work, to be the liason, and she doesn’t even have the honor of being IN the wedding?

A wedding is just not that big of a deal.

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