(Closed) Having a friend live with you and your husband…?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

futuremrspete:  Sure! Darling Husband and I actually just had a friend stay with us for a month…she and her Fiance broke up and the rental market in our city is notoriously expensive, plus she was still paying rent at her old place so as to not screw over her ex-FI, so she couldn’t really afford 2 rents (she didn’t pay us, just a few beers).  We have a pretty small apartment and all turned out fine. Sounds like you have the space, there’s an end date and everyone is on board, so I don’t see why not.

Post # 32
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would have zero issues with this. Me and Fiance got together when we were quite young and have lived together for 8 years. Throughout that time a number of our friends have needed somewhere to stay for varying reasons and lengths of time and have never had any issues. 

 

Post # 33
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee

Its a set amount of time and you can get a little extra money from her rent, I would say go for it.  A new permanent room-mate is a different story but geez, ten weeks of your life, who cares, even if it turns out to be annoying it will be over in a couple of months. 

Post # 34
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I was the third wheel! I lived with a friend and her fiance for eight months, we all had a rental together. I think it’s not a feasible permanent, years-on-end solution, but we had a ton of fun all together. It sounds like it’s an easy option for your friend, whereas other options would probably be complicated for only 10 weeks, so it would be nice if you could help her out, it sounds like you guys are good friends and you’d be happy to do her a favour.

I think it’s best if you give her a total amount for the whole time she’s there that includes splitting in on groceries and you guys making some extra. If you’re not used to dividing up your food, it might be easier for her to chip in. If you charge her a fairly reasonable contribution to your grocery budget, she can always get a few of her own things she prefers on top of that.

Post # 35
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I’m shocked that so many people have commented no. It’s such a plus to have extra money and if you trust your husband, which you should since you guys are married, then it should be no problem at all. My SO live in our house together but we’re so desperate to find roommates for our guestrooms!

A ton of students in medicine have to do these types of rotations, and we all depend on friends like you. Most of the medical students I’ve spoken too have picked their rotation sites based on where their friends lived because like you said, it’s very hard to rent a place for such a small period of time. Even if she was just a good friend and not a best friend, there still shouldn’t be any problem with it. 

Post # 36
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s only a temporary situation, and it doesn’t sound like she wants to freeload. It would probably be ok. I personally like having my private space, but one of my colleagues and her husband are renting out a room in their house for a year to help a very respectful friend/colleague, so it’s been done successfully before.  

Post # 37
Member
14965 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Good friend that I’ve managed to live with before, I have more than enough room, and only 10 weeks?  Sure, why not.  I would definitely help a friend out.  It would be so hard to find another random place to rent for that time frame. 

Post # 38
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think that this seems like a situation where it would be ok  — sounds like she is going to be really busy, you have lived with her before and know she isn’t going to be gross or inconsiderate, its unlikely she would be doing some of the worse roommate type stuff (ie having people over at crazy hours etc), you have a room for her, could use the money and more so you have a firm end date so even in the worse case you can start counting down till she is out!

I think that a meeting to go over the house rules (no noise after 10pm, wash your own dishes, $50 for food per week, no random sleep overs, we usually shower from 7 am – 7:30 so please work around that etc) is totally appropriate and would be helpful for everyone

 also as someone who has done this once (similar reason – friend had internship for 6 weeks) I would take at least some of the money and book an over night or two for you guys even if its just a local hotel to have a “night” away to just be able to sit in your underwear and fight about what TV show you want to watch and have loud sex or whatever else you do when no one else is looking!

Post # 39
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

I probably wouldn’t want to live with a roommate indefinitely (did that while we were dating) but it seems reasonable to me since its only 10 weeks and she seems to approaching it professionally rather than asking to just crash on your couch or something. 

Post # 40
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Our rule is that friends can only stay with us for one month. It’s never actually come down to that (usually just a night to a week). We would never have an actual roommate but I think we would do the same in your situation.

Post # 41
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Not me, but my best friend & her husband have her husband’s sister living with her.. permenantly. It’s not too bad, but she’s dumb as a box of rocks so at least she provides them amusement and a little rent. I don’t think helping out a friend is a bad thing.

Post # 42
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

futuremrspete:  I was totally about to say NO WAY when I saw the title. However, I think 10 weeks is totally doable and you’d be doing your friend a great favor. I would set some ground rules – have a house meeting – right off the bat. For example, I need my alone time and would have to tell my guest that the house is HER house too and that I may be in our room alone some nights because I want that time to myself. I’d just give out the expectations you have for her (discuss how you want to do groceries – everyone buys their own and is on their own for dinner? chipping in for cable/electricity, keeping her bedroom/bathroom clean, etc.).

I also think it comes down to personality. You know your friend. I have some friends I would do this for in a heartbeat (and that I could totally say – hey leave me alone for a while or can you do the dishes? etc) and some friends I would say HELL NO. Most likely you know whether or not this is going to turn out well or not. 

Post # 43
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

futuremrspete:  My Fiance was the roommate of a newlywed couple (that’s actually how we met), and I remember it being pretty trying – the couple, W & S, had been married for only about 9 months when they all moved in together, but they’d been living with W’s parents before that, so it’s not like this was worse.  (S doesn’t get along with his parents.)  FI is a bit of a slob, so a lot of their issues with him was that he didn’t always keep up with his share of the housecleaning.  Odd sleep schedules, only having one TV, and all 3 of them being students were other factors that caused them issues.

I’d suggest having a pretty well-structured schedule of things, like have a meeting and agree upon responsibilities, and what “soon” is in terms of things like washing dishes (I’ll wash the dishes soon can mean within a couple hours for some people and within a couple weeks for other people), if there are any life-threatening allergies, those should be thought of… Probably agreeing upon having things like quiet hours at certain times of the day wouldn’t hurt.  Figure out if you’re going to share food or not, etc etc.

Post # 44
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Absolutely not. This would never happen in a million years. But it all comes down to what you’re comfortable with.

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