Post # 1
I wish there was a board subject for those of us that are not yet pregnant, wanting to conceieve, but can’t because of some obstacle. Because technically that’s where I am right now. I thought I was handling the ectopic pregnancy diagnosis as best as I could until I got an HCG level that had risen from the week before. It kind of broke me and all the feelings I’ve felt and bottled up came out. Turns out it was most likely a false elevation and the level I had taken a couple days later was heading back down.
I just feel like I can’t do it anymore. The days I work I take care of women with high risk pregnancies. I take care of pregnant women every day I work and some of the nurses I work with are pregnant too. I have to deal with a facebook friend posting updates on her pregnancy which would be exactly the same as mine, except my pregnancy was ectopic. And new pregnancy announcements are happening at least once a week it seems. I’m happy for those that are able to have healthy pregnancies, but I’m also jealous and upset that mine didn’t happen that way.
I’m now six weeks out from having methotrexate for my ectopic pregnancy. And all of a sudden I’ve been hit with this huge weight of emotion and loss. I know people have felt losses greater than mine. I’ve taken care of women who have lost a baby or one of their twins in the second/early third trimester. I have taken care of women who have lost their sweet babies at a term delivery due to unforseen circumstances. So I’m well aware there are losses greater than mine. And even though I only knew of this pregnancy for 12 days before it was confirmed ectopic and treated, I feel a huge loss. Now I’m six weeks out from the treatment and still having to wait for hcg to be 0 before I can try again, which could even take several more weeks.
I had a surprising increase in hcg this week that ended up being a false elevation according to labs two days later and my physician. But after that elevation I’ve felt somehwat helpless about all this. I know I should feel relieved that it was deemed a false elevation, but it brought into perspective that we were now six weeks out from methotrexate treatment, and if this wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy I’d be just over 12 weeks by now. I’ve been sad before, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been this sad. I guess I just want to vent and say the things I’m not willing/able to say to people I know in real life.
I don’t want to create a forum of sadness, so maybe someone can share a negative ttc experience that turned into a positive?
Post # 2
Hi, bee. There isn’t a board on weddingbee for non-pregnant women, who wish to conceive, but cannot due to an obstacle. However, I do know of a forum on the website Reddit dedicated to exactly this. It’s called waiting_to_try. The community is small but relatively active. I wish I had something better to say, but your feelings are normal and valid. You might find comfort and advice on waiting_to_try with people you can relate to.
Here is the link https://www.reddit.com/r/waiting_to_try/
Post # 3
nursebee22 : Im certain it’s hard for you especially because you are around pregnant women all day long. I will tell you I’ve been through similar to what you have. My husband and I suffered through infertility and a miscarriage before conceiving and then went through a disaster of a high risk pregnancy including 2 hospital stays and 10 weeks of bedrest. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though we are meeting our son who is coming via c section tomorrow. Each of the stages we went through was rough. Finding out we would have a hard time conceiving, then the pain of conceiving but it not working out, and finally the stress of a pregnancy we didn’t even know if we’d make it to viability at one point (I’m now 37 weeks 2 days). It stinks and nothing anyone says will make it better unfortunately other than maybe a virtual hug and some understanding from a stranger.
Post # 4
For at least the past 3 years, there has been a board titled “1+ year TTC or TTC with infertility” that has somewhat gone silent after the IVF buddy thread popped up. It might be worth resurrecting that (just search for the most recent and start a new one with the same pre-text/roll-call) because there are plenty of women in the same situation who could probably benefit from the support. I personally spent a lot of time on that board and have met some amazing women walking the same path.
Another great board that you may benefit from – especially with your ectopic – is the TTC after miscarriage or loss board. That board helped me through a lot of difficult times especially realizing that I was not alone in our journey.
I know you must be feeling lonely, helpless and it can be hard to stay positive in your situation. But hang in there, it will all be worth it. Like I said, we spent 3 years TTC with multiple losses, failed treatments and a few IVF cycles with failed transfers. But I’m nearly 33 weeks with a healthy baby and seriously would never have made it through a lot of those rough days without the friendships and support from a lot of the ladies on these boards. I hope you can find that, too. Best of luck.
Post # 5
Here is the link to the most recent 1+ board: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/1-year-ttc-ttc-with-infertility-part-30/
I believe the TTC after miscarriage/loss is a recent thread you will find in the first page of the TTC boards.
I should add – I wasn’t sure if you meant that there should be a board for those of you who are waiting to TTC, as your obstacle being the methotrexate, or for any other influence (such as a vacation, monetary etc). But since you have been TTC and your obstacle is infertility related, I thought these boards would maybe be beneficial. There were always lots of ladies who would hang around, even during a “waiting” period between cycles, treatment etc. and it was very helpful.
Post # 6
Sorry you are having to deal with this Bee. Saying you aren’t allowed to feel sad bc someone has had it worse than you is saying people shouldn’t be allowed to be happy bc others have it better than them. You are experiencing a great loss and along with that will come emotions that match which you are entitled to feel
I just miscarried this past week and was only like 2 weeks along. I’m still devestatsd & am mourning the loss of what couldn’t been. So, although situations are different, I am dealing with loss as well Hugs to you bee!
Post # 7
I’m so sorry for your loss, bee. As PPs have said, other people having “greater” losses doesn’t diminish yours and please don’t add guilt to what you’re feeling right now! It’s impossible and useless to compare grief. Pain is pain. Your feelings are valid and I am so sorry you have the extra complication of being around pregnant women all day long. I second the suggestion to revive the 1+ board and check out ttc after miscarriage or loss. I met many wonderful friends here during my struggle with infertility. Sending you peace and healing thoughts.
Post # 8
Hugs to you. I know how hard it is. My first loss was at 6 weeks. It was such a high learning I was pregnant after 6 cycles of trying, then such a low when I found out I was losing it. I was so heartbroken. And I didn’t work with pregnant women.
I just suffered another MC at 11 weeks. I’m trying to restart up the TTC after Miscarriage board. We are all in various stages of dealing with our miscarriages. I’m not planning on trying for a few more months, other girls are trying now. But it’s a great place to connect with girls who are going through similar experiences. If you want to join, here is the link. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/ttc-after-miscarriage-miscarriage-support/
If I wasn’t on my phone, I’d make a link for you.