(Closed) Having a hard time adjusting to the family part of being engaged….

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think it’s probably best to do two things. 1. Be open to the fact that you are joining a very loving family that won’t do you any harm and 2. Ask your fiance to ease you into all the family activity knowing it will be difficult for you initially.

My family is all spread out, so we don’t get together a lot. My fiance’s family is very close and they’re a lot like your fiance’s family. Sometimes, I just don’t want to be bothered. Both of you have to remember to compromise…

Maybe instead of spending days before, day of and day after, you can do a few hours each day, then come home. Eventually, you’ll get in the swing of things. Just be open to it.

Post # 4
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Do they know of your past or are you willing to let them, or maybe just Future Mother-In-Law, know?

Post # 5
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Birdiebaby4:  I can understand being overwhelmed by how much time would be spent with the family.  My SO’s family is the same way while my own family is consumed by drama on one parent’s side.

My advice would be to just flat out tell your fiance that you’re feeling overwhelmed and explain why, if you can.  I’m sure he’ll understand regardless of whether or not he knows about what happened with your awful relative.  If you can’t cut down on the amount of time you spend with them at holidays then make a plan on how you can get some alone time.  Even spending an hour or so in another room with a book or some other activity can recharge your batteries a bit.

Post # 7
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Birdiebaby4:  I think your heistations are totally justified and this is something you should ease into. My only advice would be to possibly sit down (You, Fiance, his parents, anyone else you want to include) and share your story so they understand that you may not be present at everything and that you’re going to need some patience. 

I would make a point to go to BIG days with them at first like Christmas over Christmas Eve, Easter, Thanksgiving…one meal and you go, etc.  I don’t see any need for you to be with them on NYE or NYD.  Would your Fiance go without you?  Would you be OK with that?

Post # 8
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Birdiebaby4:  I don’t have the same reason but all that family time can simply be overwhelming and I have the same issue from time to time. I just get a place of ‘enough already! I just spent 16 hours with you people!’ When this happens to me, I just calmly explain to Darling Husband that I am a little burned out on family stuff and we stay in for a bit. Just tell him. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have a similar situation, however, my husband’s family lives across the world.  His family is very close, and a large part of his life. He talks with them very often on skype, and often wants me to talk with them when he’s not home (we speak different languages, I love them, but its hard!).  When we visit them, it is nonstop family visiting (a. because they’re a VERY close family, and b. because we’re not there very often).  This is completely different from my family.  When I shared with my husband that this can get to be a little much for me (especially since I don’t understand everything that goes on all the time –again, language) it was kinda hard for him to handle at first… but…we work it out so that we are both comfortable.

 

Also, I want to add that once YOU guys become each other’s family, your family time/relationship/what works for you guys will adjust to YOUR life.  I really believe this, and so does my husband.  There will eventually be a shift in family dynamics, I think, once you all establish your own family.  

Post # 10
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

are they expecting you to never see your family on holidays? why are you guys only seeing his family? i agree with the PP’s that you should just be honest with him that it’s overwhelming you but you guys should also discuss how to split the holidays between both families (yours and his). 

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