Post # 1
This is the first time that I have posted. Normally I am a pretty positive person, so sorry this is kind of a gloomy post…
My wedding is quickly approaching (9.26.09), and I am so excited to marry my FH. However, I’m having a hard time feeling good about anything because I moved to a strange city and am looking for a new job.
I moved to San Francisco for my fiance because it’s what made the most sense for us, and I don’t regret it. But I never imagined that it would be so tough! It’s been pretty hard on our relationship, because I am stressed about being unemployed and have never not had a bunch of girlfriends to hang out with (I’m from Texas, and have AMAZING friends and family back home that I miss so much)…
I have been her 6 months now, and I am surprised that I haven’t made any headway at all–normally I adjust to new situations pretty quickly!
I was just wondering if anyone else made a major life change (move, etc…) in order to get married, and how you dealt with it.
Post # 3
I moved 40 minutes outside of San Diego to marry my guy. We have to have satelite to get any sort of civilization and we live in a town of 1000. I grew up in cities where it was easy to make friends. I now live in a community that the next person near my age is 34. I love my FH but changes suck. I totally feel like you do, a little lost. I feel more like I am failing because I can’t seem to get this lifestyle down, I am not a big fan of bugs and animal smells. But you love the people you love and sometimes you have to try your hardest to fit in. Keep your hopes high! San Francisco is a beautiful place and the economy will turn around. Its hard enough just finding jobs these days. But I bet you wouldn’t change living with your FH for anything!
Post # 4
My FH moved for me when we got engaged. I know it was tough for him for a while finding friends too. Try to keep positive on finding a job. We joined a softball league to work on making friends! I think that really helped. Maybe you can find a group that does a hobby you (and maybe FH too) are interested in!
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - The Mountain Terrace, Woodside, CA
Aw, I feel for you! Moving is always hard, my Fiance and I moved from Washington State to the Bay Area 5 years ago, but at least we had each other.
I agree with the other poster, finding a hobby could be a good way to make new friends. Also, be sure to check the local board for when the next Bay Area Bee meet up is going to happen, I think someone said September?
Post # 6
i moved from the midwest to LA a few years ago for my then fiance (now husband). It was really rough. The people, personalities, lifestyle were are so very different that what I was used to. It took me a long time (like 2 years) to make friends with people that were not already his friends. And it took a very long time for the place to grow on me…up until about 6 months ago I would have moved home at the drop of a hat.
My advice to you would be to pick up a hobby…yoga, pole dancing, something where you are bound to meet women your age. It will also be easier once you find a job because then you have something to do each day and there will be new people there. Until you find a job, take up volunteering. It will look good on your resume and give you an opportunity to meet new people without the safety and comfort of your Fiance.
Post # 7
I am sorry this is a hard time for you! I live in the Bay Area, and I know the job market here is tough, but something will come along for you! As for meeting people, I am not like you. I usually have a hard time meeting new people, but I found joining Team in Training or some similar group was a great way to meet some fantastic ladies! I know there is a huge Team in Training group each season in San Francisco, so unless you can’t run (I went from not running, to running a half-marathon) I highly recommend it.
My hubby is Australian and there is a part of me that thinks there is a good chance we may end up going back there, at least for a little while. That will be a tough transition, but I psych myself up by saying it will also be an incredible experience I would never have if it were not for him.
Post # 8
I have recently relocated to the Bay Area too (from the East Coast). It’s a tough transition but I LOVE the area! Are you directly in SF? We are in the East Bay area… I’ve been unemployed also … I feel my time with walking on the trails and checking out the library and discovering new areas (there are so many!). Stay optimistic and remember that you will always have friends and family to turn to, this is just an impasse.
I missed the first Bee meet up in the Bay Area so I hope I can make the next one! Maybe we could all plan a Bay Area Happy Hour before the next big meet up. Would anyone be interested in that?
Post # 9
Wow! I really appreciate the words of encouragement ladies! y’all are so right… 🙂
I would definitely be down for a Bay Area Happy Hour… Any thoughts on good spots?
Post # 10
Since you are in San Francisco, I would recommend trying Sfactor they have a location there. It is a pole dancing class- BUT it is not sleazy at all. There aren’t even mirrors there. They have women of all ages and sizes. Most of the women are moms or professionals. I have been a student myself for 2 years. The women in my classes are doctors, stay at home moms, business owners etc. My two instructors were an attorney and now a PHD in engineering. The classes are more about expressing yourself through dance and getting fit. The pole is just a prop. I would check out their website, and try an intro course which is just 90 minutes out of your life.
I have become friends with so many awesome women through the class, and one of them is even going to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.
Post # 11
I moved for my FH when we got engaged and I went through a rough adjustment period as well. We also went through a bit of a strained period. But, it does get better. I look at it as going off to your first year of college all over again. It can take a while to adjust, but eventually you’ll get there.
Post # 12
You are definietly not alone.
We moved from Boston to San Francisco for my Fiance’s job 2 years ago.(We were just BF/GF at the time) I feel for you – The 1st year was the toughest – But trust me it will get easier. It took about 9-12 months to start to feel like it all made sense. I left family, very close knit group girlfriends and a great career for the man I love. As long as he is supportive of your difficult transition it will all work out in time.
It was difficult trying to make friends at first – which was NEVER a problem for me – almost if I craved my girlfriends back home and was trying to hard to have new ones.
I also had a difficult time with the job search – but did a bit of consultant work, temp work to pass the time and to give me some extra cash and meet some great people. With Whom I have forged great friends – from some of the temp work.
I know how hard it is trying to plan a wedding all by yourself – trying on dresses – without having your girls to banter back and forth with and to run ideas by can get difficult as well as trying to find a New job and deal with the major life change.
There is a group in SF called City Girls (You may want to check it out) – As some of the other girls mentioned a fun workout class, maybe some volunteer work, or some temp work or just reaching out to this board – Will help – Seems like this place has a great support system (my 1st post).
So from one bride to another – and rather still a newbie – you ever want to meet up for a cup of coffee or talk – Im here!
Post # 13
There is a San Francisco meet up brewing… check out the local board for more information. We’d love to meet you!
Post # 14
I am moving to San Francisco for the same reason as you in about 3 weeks. So, I feel your pain. Wanna be friends? 🙂
Post # 15
Sigh. This is my absolute biggest fear. With the boyfriend trying to get into PHD programs, we’re looking at a bunch of cities… some international for a second masters program. It’s just too much to think about moving to a strange city with having nothing to do til I find a job. Good luck! You can do it!
Post # 16
As everyone else has said, you’re definitely not alone! I’m in Sf too, and while I’ve lived in the Bay Area all my life, I’ve grown apart from my girlfriends from high school and college, so I know how you feel.
I’m seconding Wine-Oh’s offer, if you ever want to chat or meet up with another SF girl, let me know!