(Closed) Having a hard time relating to single friends anymore?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@brideatbeach: I have always felt that way in life because I’m a very mature 22 year old.  I along with others consider myself an old soul.  I’ve done silly things like going out, getting drunk, and flirting.  But I never took it as serious as some people do.  I didn’t do it as often either.  

Throughout my life I have learned that I relate better to those who are older.  I speak well with them and I find it’s so much easier to carry a conversation.  It’s nice.  

J and I currently don’t share mutual friends.  I feel like we only have each other as well.  His buddies are married (and some are miserable).  I, on the other hand, have “friends” who are like yours.  They want to go out, party, get trashed and meet random guys.  I see no point in it.  Never have.  Never will.

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Not really. I’m married with a child and very committed to my husband, but I still enjoy going out with my single friends. To me, my husband ISN’T enough to fulfill my social needs, I need time with my friends.

Are your friends open to suggestion? Why can’t you guys do bar one night and a trip to the mall or lunch the next time? I mean… your friends are your friends for a reason right? You were friends with them before, why can’t you be friends now? Seems like there needs to be some meeting in the middle happening here.

I know it’s tempting to think you’re kind of above it all because you’re engaged, but don’t isolate yourself. You will need those friends as life goes on!

Post # 6
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have always felt that way- well, I went wild as a teenager when I went off to college- but by 25 I was completely over going out and drinking all the time.  It made it hard to relate to people- even people 30 years and up.  A lot of people here in Wisconsin just drink all the time for fun.  Out west it seemed easier to do other things because we were always climbing, hiking, and camping with friends.  It has been quite the transition moving here and being married.  I have slowly found people that are into more of the things I am into now, but I also find that even married people like to go wild- I think it is more about finding people that have similar interests and want to get more out of life than just drinking.  People married and unmarried of all ages get wasted.  I think it is a challenge finding people in general that want good clean fun.  Hmm.

Post # 7
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I hear ya girl! I’m 19 and Fiance is 21 and we’ve been fine with his friends since most of them are in long term relationships but I’ve gotten rid of most of mine for that simple fact. I can’t relate to them and they can’t relate to me. They go out drinking everynight, don’t work, and sleep with every guy around (and no, I’m not being sarcastic), where I’m settled down, getting married, work full time and paying my own bills…and don’t drink. It’s unfortunate, but I’ve made the decision that they are unhealthy to be around and so far life is a lot better πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@brideatbeach:I know what you mean. I’m young, my fiance is young. We have a child together. We have no desire to go out with our old friends and get wasted. Why would we?? If anything bad were to happen we would never forgive ourselves. Its especially hard for my fiance because his guy friends pressure him to go out, and when he doesn’t they call him “whipped” :-/ but its his choice not mine. It’s really difficult. But we also really love spending time together, he gets me more than anyone else does and vice versa. Some of my friends like to go out to coffee or dinner but I still feel like we aren’t as close becaues I won’t go out with them to get drunk or get wild. It’s just not my thing anymore. A few drinks tops at dinner=fine. But I think it just takes time for everyone to mature and in a few years, they will understand you better by going through the same things.

Post # 9
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you all need some new friends! 

Post # 10
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@brideatbeach: I seem to get that a lot on here, but unfortunately, none of you live nearby! πŸ˜› I wouldn’t consider it isolating myself either.  I just don’t seem to enjoy the same things that most people I know.  And same goes for them – they don’t enjoy things that I do.  It’s the way life goes.  J is 27 years old.  He’s been through the going out all of the time, drinking, etc. He’s completely over it himself.  We’ll do it once in awhile, but it’s rare.  We’d rather hang out at a house, play games, have a few beers, and relax.  I just wish more people we knew were like that.

Post # 11
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Luckily my very close local friends are all relationship’d (and of them, 4 of the couples [so 8 of the friends] live in a large house all together) so “going out” usually involves going to their house and having a few drinks and chatting, making dinner, and baking those gross Nestle cookies from the premade dough. Various combinations of the group also go out to the symphony, go to restaurants, go shopping, or just sit around doing whatever.

However, when my close-but-not-local single friends come back for a visit, all bets are off. None of us, single or spoken for, are really bar/nightlife people, so the “going out” usually still involves going to the big house, but when the single friends are here it goes from “let’s have a drink or two and chat!” to LET’S GET REALLY DRUNK AND WHINE ABOUT THE 702987 BOYS WE HOOK UP WITH NOT LOVING US πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ Or, let’s get really drunk and talk about how we got sooooooo drunk and puked on some random dude’s shoes after giving him a BJ in the bathroom at a club, or…you get the picture. It’s awkward. And then someone will inevitably say how jealous they are that we’re in these perfect relationships and why can’t they find love like we have??? When in reality the 4 relationships in the group are far from “perfect” (as are all relationships), plus, what do you really say when someone says that to you?

Post # 12
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I was the last of my friends to get married, but I can tell you that my best friend (the first of all of us to get married) has always felt that way. Not to the fact that she wouldn’t hang out with us, but she’s always felt a little out of the loop/ahead of the game from all of us. She and I have talked a lot and it’s nothing we’ve done to her specifically but just that she wasn’t comfortable with going out w/o her husband, then she had a baby first (he’ll be 2 next week!!!:) and none of the rest of us have gotten pregnant yet. She actually told me she is hesitant to get pregnant again because she’s the only one. Hopefully the hubs and I can help her out in that area soon, I’m SO ready! πŸ˜‰

Post # 13
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Heatherloveskenny: A few of my SO’s friends have that opinion of him now too (that he’s “whipped” because he doesn’t want to go out drinking with them every weekend). They’re also the types that find it perfectly acceptable to cheat on one’s partner, and when he and I first started dating they still took him out all the time to try and “get him laid” by a “hot chick”. He’d tell them he wasn’t interested, they’d call him whipped. He’s all but cut them out of his life now because of it.

Post # 14
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Kant: :-/ people like that drive me crazy. At least have enough respect for your friend to know that they aren’t interested in cheating on their SO–or even thinking about it.

Post # 16
Member
659 posts
Busy bee

We’re not even engaged yet and I already feel this way. I feel older than 22 most of the time. Everyone I know goes clubbing and parties all the time and/or they’re extremely serious about college. I feel like I’m in a weird separate place than they are in life.

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