Post # 1
Some of you may or may not remember my post about my Boyfriend or Best Friend asking me to move in to his house. We discussed where the relationship was going and both of us were on the same page as far as marriage, and moving forward.
Well, as it’s inched closer to the date we’ve planned for me to move in, I’ve been becoming more and more frusturated/irritable/stressed/sad about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Boyfriend or Best Friend and have no doubts about wanting to BE with him, but the idea of me moving into his house is freaking me out. Because….
It’s a complete and total bachelor pad!!! My apartment that I live in now is cute, comfortable, and has style. His house is just a deco mess. We’ve discussed re-doing it, but the time and the money it would require to re-do the things we want aren’t really feesible right now, and I’m still freaking out about things he wants to do or keep. Things that just look tacky, and don’t go well with ANY theme (not that he has one). He told me that in his last marriage, his EX was in control of everything and he felt he had no personal style at all, and didn’t really like it. I don’t want to do that to him, so I’m afraid of telling him that his “vision” isn’t really “kosher.” It’s really stressing me out because I don’t want to live in a place like that. It reminds me of a frat house. I don’t know what to do or say, please help! 🙁
Sorry it’s so long guys, thanks for reading it.
Post # 3
Hi Reno Rose,
I went back and read your post about moving in for July. It seems that he agreed to make it a place for both of you, and I realize in this post, that money is an issue. It might help if you look at house magazines together, and show him photos that you like, that you think he would like for a style too?? Then you can talk about what you both like/dislike in the photos? You could also go window shopping at the mall? Also, fresh paint works wonders too. Perhaps the two of you can choose a paint color for the bedroom together, (and then he’d have to take his stuff down/out/off the walls to paint) Maybe you could get some small decor items that you both like that would make an impact. It is hard to know without knowing both of your tastes or seeing current photos of each of your spaces. Regarding his previous experiences with his ex, I guess you wouldn’t pick pink paint and frilly pillows! lol. But maybe if you both like neutral natural baskets, maybe some green plants, or succulents. Good luck!
Post # 4
I would sit down with him and discuss your feelings. Open and honest communication is very important in all relationships an it should ease the transition of you moving in. When I moved in with Fiance (we were still dating then), I felt very odd and stressed because it didn’t feel like “my” home too. We ended up talking it out and little by little we made small changes we could afford until it felt more mine. Ultimately, it was a one bedroom apartment and I couldn’t feel like it was truly mine until I had my stuff (which was in a storage unit because it didn’t fit) so we ended up moving to a 2 bedroom apartment that really feels like both our hommes because we’ve both decorated it and it has both our things in it. Long story short, communication is key!
Post # 5
I think you guys can find a happy medium. Why don’t you pick a style you both like, and then just start changing little things, like making the pillows match. If you take him with you to buy stuff and ask his opinion i bet he would feel better about it.
Post # 6
Hey guys, thanks for responding. It’s not really an issue about decoration. I know he wants decoration, and we really have no style picking out decoration together; it’s more or less about actually DOING it. He’s starting summer school so he really doesn’t want to start the process for a while. Also, he has a hard time getting rid of things. Furniture things. Like his glass coffee table that was originally his parents when they got married. It’s hideous, but he seems to think that his nieces will want it when they grow up, so he wants to keep it for them. And, we’re already tight on space as it is, so there really isn’t a place to put it except for where it currently is. Btw, his nieces are 7 and 10. Also, he has one of those huge love sacs that he wants to keep. He likes it, but literally, he never sits in it. He just wants to keep it because it’s cool. The thing is HUGE! And he wants to put it in the front room, which, we have already decided would be “my room” for when we want personal space. I dunno, he’s really just a pack rat and doesn’t want to throw anything away or change his style because it would require getting rid of things like that. It’s frustrating.
Post # 7
@RenoRose: Any progress? I’m dealing with this right now:(
Post # 8
@RenoRose:I totally understand what you’re dealing with. I’m moving in with my SO in August, so I have a long time, but I’m already stressing out. I live in a cute, stylish apartment in an amazing location. He owns a home in a part of town that I don’t love and the house is total man cave. It’s old and needs a LOT of work (the carpet is disgusting and needs to be replaced like most other things. It was a foreclosure home). We don’t have a lot of money to make those changes with. I’m just trying to explain to myself that I love him more than I love my environment and even without money, patience and careful planning will give us a home we BOTH love.